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Speaking from experience, please, do what is best for your daughter. Lovesmountains is correct. You have no idea what problems can arise from this decision. Problems that will affect her for the rest of her life, and yours. Hang in there.
Thank you so much for your support Annie This is a hard spot for any parent to be in, I feel for all concerned.
Location: Sunny Phoenix Arizona...wishing for a beach.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IMPERIALBROWNS
There is no new job. We just wanted to get out of New York. My husband is retired and I know I will have no problem getting a job in the Charlotte area. Financially life would be easier however we can still make it here for a few more years. By then my son will probably be home from college and then he'll give us a hard time about moving. He's not too happy about us moving now even though he's away during the school year. He's pretty much involved with helping out in JROTC at the high school he graduated from.
The part that bothers me is that we really like her friends. They are good kids and definitely on the right track. My daughter does not take much interest in sports or any instrument but gets involved in some after school activities such as art club and graphic illustration. (with friends). These are friends she has grown up with in a small girl scout group in which she still attends. She has advised will not get involved in girl scouts down south.
Thanks Sampy123 and VBmom for your advice.
I'm dealing with the same thing here in Charlotte. I dragged my 17 year old to Nc and she says she's leaving when she's 18. What can I do? She'll be 18.
I'm dealing with the same thing here in Charlotte. I dragged my 17 year old to Nc and she says she's leaving when she's 18. What can I do? She'll be 18.
I know, I know! Being a parent of a teen sure puts the grey hair on your head doesn't it? I think the thing to do is sit down and have a heart to heart with your kid. Discuss with them all the potential pros and cons. Make them know you care about their opinion and are not just an adult on a power trip. See if you can establish some "team spirit" and involve them in the discussion of where exactly you want to go and how doing so could be beneficial to you all.
I once saw the child psychologist John Rosemond give a talk. He said something that stuck with me and worked well when I had a teen a few years later. He said parents need to realize that as your child moves through adolescence your job is to become less parental and more of a mentor. You should never speak to a 16-year-old like you would a 10-year-old. If a parent gives the teen the respect they really deserve, the teen will almost always in turn respect their parent. Dictators rarely earn true respect.
If a parent doesn't learn how to mentor and sticks strictly with being authoritative and dictating (like you need to be when they are young) several things happen. Among these are that your child never learns to make good decisions for themselves (because you've always done it for them) and therefore they are not ready for the freedom they get when they go off to college and get themselves into all kinds of trouble (by not getting up on time for classes, experimenting with drinking and sex - just making more wreckless choices). When you mentor someone you want to guide them in learning how to think things thru - not do the thinking for them.
If you can establish this kind of relationship with your teen, where you help them to learn self discipline and to be motivated by other things than the old "you'd better do it because I said so", everyone wins in the long run. I wish you well in your situation as I know this is gut wrenching
When I was a teenager in the 90's, my parents had to move down for their job (to Charlotte, in case your wondering). I did not adjust AT ALL. I was made fun of for the way I talked, the way I dressed and called a fa**ot (even though I am not gay, I just dressed trendy I guess, like most guys do up North. I do not wear khaki pants and polo shirts, and I do not have a shaggy haircut.) Even my history teacher mocked me and said there is no way I have a girlfriend! I went to school with kids who drove pick-up trucks with confederate flag stickers and similiar shirts they wore to school. I eventually found my click, but it just never felt right to me.
So to fast foward, I went to college in NY and I am still here, but everytime I go back to visit them it seems to be a lot different now then it was (the growth is amazing). My brother is in high school now and it is, from what I can see, a lot better. I am sure there are still kids like that though, which is pretty sad, but what are you going to do. My suggestion would be to visit the schools and see the type of children walking around. Maybe if she sees people similiar to her she will feel better. I am sure there are more "normal" people now! Goodluck.
I'm dealing with the same thing here in Charlotte. I dragged my 17 year old to Nc and she says she's leaving when she's 18. What can I do? She'll be 18.
Sheena doesn't sound like you have been there too long. What does she dislike so much. Has she not made any new friends? I know that is my daughter's fear. May I ask what town you live in and the high schoool she is attending? And I'm curious both you and Imperial Brown mention your child being on their own at 18. How do you mean?, off to college or off on their own. How can they possibly afford to live on their own at 18. I know my daughter never could.
Children can adjust to anything they have to adjust to, particularly if they know their parents are doing it for the good of the family. Let them hem and haw, but do what YOU know to be right but do take the time to explain your reasons to them. I would definitely NOT let your children make your decision for you; YOU are the parent.
lovesmountains, actually I do have 3 children, 14, 10 and 9. I feel that if you HAVE to move, for financial reasons, jobs, etc...that it's nice to hear and not disregard your children's feelings on the subject (and yes my 14 yr old has opinions on moving) HOWEVER...we the parents make the final decision and would not put our financial future in jeopardy because my daughter didn't WANT to move. Listen, I want my children to be happy, but affording college is our main priority right now, not my daughter's temper tantrum. I feel it can be a great experience personally, sorry so long...
When I was a teenager in the 90's, my parents had to move down for their job (to Charlotte, in case your wondering). I did not adjust AT ALL. I was made fun of for the way I talked, the way I dressed and called a fa**ot (even though I am not gay, I just dressed trendy I guess, like most guys do up North. I do not wear khaki pants and polo shirts, and I do not have a shaggy haircut.) Even my history teacher mocked me and said there is no way I have a girlfriend! I went to school with kids who drove pick-up trucks with confederate flag stickers and similiar shirts they wore to school. I eventually found my click, but it just never felt right to me.
So to fast foward, I went to college in NY and I am still here, but everytime I go back to visit them it seems to be a lot different now then it was (the growth is amazing). My brother is in high school now and it is, from what I can see, a lot better. I am sure there are still kids like that though, which is pretty sad, but what are you going to do. My suggestion would be to visit the schools and see the type of children walking around. Maybe if she sees people similiar to her she will feel better. I am sure there are more "normal" people now! Goodluck.
I'm sorry to hear you had to go through such harrasment. I agree it is sad t such ignorance exists out there. It would be devistating for my daughter. IF we decide to move I will definitely go down first to visit the schools.
We are planning on moving to NC soon as well. My daughter is in 10th grade and very willing to move and make new friends. She knows that she can always come back later for college if she likes. But to be honest, this is where as parents we have to make decisions that we feel are best for the entire family...I'm sure all will work out well.
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This is a hard spot for any parent to be in, I feel for all concerned.
Confused
