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Old 03-08-2007, 09:36 AM
 
95 posts, read 316,992 times
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We have planned for the last year to move to North Carolina. It has taken some time for our home to sell. We were hoping this spring it would sell.
We visited North Carolina and at the time my daughter was a little hesitant about the move but was willing to go along with it. Recently she has stated that she will not move. She has asked us to wait two years
when she will graduate from high school. My feeling is if we don't move now it just won't happen in the future. Suppose she falls in love with someone??
I feel the longer we wait the harder it will be to move. Once she's 18 she will be on her own. I was hoping if we make the move soon she would have two full years left of high school and time to adjust.

Would appreciate anyone's experiences with their teenagers and their adjustment in a new High School.
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Old 03-08-2007, 09:57 AM
 
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Our girls seem to be around the same age, mine is also in 10th grade - and simply can't wait to move south. She said that she'd have the opportunity to make new friends in h.s. down there before going off to college. You should have your daughter talk to my daughter, and then she'd be convinced, lol.

However, my son, on the other hand, is starting college up here and has requested that we stay nearby for his first year. My husband and my eldest child wanted us to move months ago. My concerns are similar to yours, I feel if we don't go in the very near future, we'll be stuck here indefinitely. If your child truly insists on graduating from her current school, then honestly, I'd stay put for awhile. Something else to think about...certain areas have year-round school, so be sure to inquire which ones they are beforehand.

Our plan is to go down there and look at the area, look at homes and possibly purchase now, then move as soon as we can. The prices down there are only going to go up. The toughest part for me was that we had a buyer for our home and we had to turn them away as the timing wasn't right for us. Wish there was a simple solution.

ooooh, just thought of how you can convince her....I believe she will be of driving age down there, lol.

Last edited by Sampy123; 03-08-2007 at 10:11 AM..
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Old 03-08-2007, 10:06 AM
 
Location: beautiful NC mountains!
904 posts, read 2,586,163 times
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There is no doubt this is going to be tough for her. My daughter will be 15 tomorrow and we are dealing with the same issue. What I have tried telling her is that it will be different but she will make new friends, maybe even better friends.

Some suggestions others have given me..

If she is involved in any activities(sports, band, dance etc.) make sure you locate these activities right away. Getting involved is the best way to meet others.

Let her start school a week or two late. The first few days everyone is catching up on their summer activities and won't notice any one new. If she comes a week or so into school, she will stand out.

Be available to her. If she isn't driving yet, make sure to take her places, do things with her, etc. Be willing to listen to her.
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Old 03-08-2007, 10:53 AM
 
Location: in a house
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When does the new job start?
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Old 03-08-2007, 12:01 PM
 
95 posts, read 316,992 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mm_mary73 View Post
When does the new job start?
There is no new job. We just wanted to get out of New York. My husband is retired and I know I will have no problem getting a job in the Charlotte area. Financially life would be easier however we can still make it here for a few more years. By then my son will probably be home from college and then he'll give us a hard time about moving. He's not too happy about us moving now even though he's away during the school year. He's pretty much involved with helping out in JROTC at the high school he graduated from.

The part that bothers me is that we really like her friends. They are good kids and definitely on the right track. My daughter does not take much interest in sports or any instrument but gets involved in some after school activities such as art club and graphic illustration. (with friends). These are friends she has grown up with in a small girl scout group in which she still attends. She has advised will not get involved in girl scouts down south.

Thanks Sampy123 and VBmom for your advice.
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Old 03-08-2007, 12:06 PM
 
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Default Have wanted to move for so long

And now my youngest is 18! If you are ready - go. It is not up to your daughter. She will adjust, we all do one way or another, good luck.
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Old 03-08-2007, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,294,482 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IMPERIALBROWNS View Post
We have planned for the last year to move to North Carolina. It has taken some time for our home to sell. We were hoping this spring it would sell.
We visited North Carolina and at the time my daughter was a little hesitant about the move but was willing to go along with it. Recently she has stated that she will not move. She has asked us to wait two years
when she will graduate from high school. My feeling is if we don't move now it just won't happen in the future. Suppose she falls in love with someone??
I feel the longer we wait the harder it will be to move. Once she's 18 she will be on her own. I was hoping if we make the move soon she would have two full years left of high school and time to adjust.

Would appreciate anyone's experiences with their teenagers and their adjustment in a new High School.
Since you did ask for opinions here is mine - don't move. If you have a 16 year old who has a stable friend base, makes good grades and is not a problem child, you risk turning all that around by moving now. It's one thing if a kid that age WANTS to move, it's a whole other thing when you have to force them to. You have no idea the can of worms you could be opening.

Since you say she will be on her own once she turns 18 anyway I'm assuming you mean she won't be living with you then, no matter where you live. So don't you see this is your last few precious years you will have with her under your roof? Do you want those last two years to be angry, depressed years? Is moving that important to you? If you can't get her onboard with the idea you will have nothing but an uphill battle to climb. It could change the whole dynamic of your relationship.

Sorry to not be more encouraging, but this is a very serious decision and I really hope you make the right one for your family.
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Old 03-08-2007, 12:14 PM
 
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I totally agree with LovesMountains. If my daughter was so adamant about keeping her friends and not moving - I wouldn't go at this time either.
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Old 03-08-2007, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,294,482 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampy123 View Post
I totally agree with LovesMountains. If my daughter was so adamant about keeping her friends and not moving - I wouldn't go at this time either.
Thanks for the backup Sampy I've just seen this situation blow up in too many peoples faces.

It's so simple to just say, she's a kid - kids adjust. Well, no they don't, not always. At this age a kids peer group and her place in it is more important to them than anything else. When you pull the rug out from under someone and take away the foundation they were standing on, what happens? They trip and fall.

In this case they often trip and fall into the wrong crowd, or lose their focus and ability to concentrate on schoolwork because they are so unhappy and their grades suffer. And lest anyone needs a reminder - these days a kids JUNIOR year grades are what colleges will be looking at. That's because kids have to start applying to colleges in September of their senior year and there are no other grades to go by. If you move a kid at the start of her junior year, you risk an upheaval that could be reflected in her grades and possibly in her acceptance into certain schools. Just food for thought...
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Old 03-08-2007, 12:24 PM
 
95 posts, read 316,992 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
Since you did ask for opinions here is mine - don't move. If you have a 16 year old who has a stable friend base, makes good grades and is not a problem child, you risk turning all that around by moving now. It's one thing if a kid that age WANTS to move, it's a whole other thing when you have to force them to. You have no idea the can of worms you could be opening.

Since you say she will be on her own once she turns 18 anyway I'm assuming you mean she won't be living with you then, no matter where you live. So don't you see this is your last few precious years you will have with her under your roof? Do you want those last two years to be angry, depressed years? Is moving that important to you? If you can't get her onboard with the idea you will have nothing but an uphill battle to climb. It could change the whole dynamic of your relationship.

Sorry to not be more encouraging, but this is a very serious decision and I really hope you make the right one for your family.
Thanks for your insight. Actually, this is what I was afraid of. I guess I needed to hear it from someone else. I don't want things to turn around. I am aware that in a new environment it can go either way. At this point most teenagers are settled in their groups. I don't know which way she will go if she is desperate to have friends. As much as I would like her to be independent teens are not yet ready to make this kind of move. They are vulnerable and need good friends for support in a high school environment.

Thanks again.
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