It's not just northerners (Raleigh, Wilson: houses, neighborhood, construction)

[Skipstone]

I understand really well.

I lived all over the country for years, but came to the realization "there's no place like home" and familiarity. So I'm back.

It's like Hickory High School teacher Myra Fleener's comment in the movie Hoosiers. She'd left her town to live in the big city only to find herself coming back to the familiarity of her small town. She said something like: "There's something real solid about being around people you grew up with. People never change, you know that?"

I don't think it's so much that people don't change. It's that when you've known them your whole life, the familiarity feels like it doesn't change. And there's a lot of comfort in that.

What I think a lot of people don't necessarily realize is that the happiest places are where the people are that you've known for years. Better climate, education, shopping, etc. are all niceties contributing to a form of happiness, but in the end, it's relationships with people that matter most.

To me, there's something real sad about older people leaving behind everything they've always known to go someplace like Florida - or even here.

Too many people today are throwing away what's most important: their children, their parents, their old friends.

I'm glad for you, Brian, and I know you'll make good of it.

I don't know how long you've been gone, but I'll say one thing. It won't be the same as you remember it, but it will be home.

[Apple Annie]

Hopefully, Brian is able to afford to go back. As so many others will and have found out if they don't have a nest egg, "just in case", they may not be able to afford to go back. It's real nice when you're buying low and cashing out and everything is hunky dory euphoria; but when the reality sets in, or life circumstances change, and they find out it's all the same except the weather, then what?

There's a lot to be said for the phrase "what you see is what you get" back home, and that what you left is everywhere; or it soon will be.

Keep your eye on the ball.

[BrianH1970]

Originally Posted by Apple Annie

Hopefully, Brian is able to afford to go back. As so many others will and have found out if they don't have a nest egg, "just in case", they may not be able to afford to go back. It's real nice when you're buying low and cashing out and everything is hunky dory euphoria; but when the reality sets in, or life circumstances change, and they find out it's all the same except the weather, then what?

There's a lot to be said for the phrase "what you see is what you get" back home, and that what you left is everywhere; or it soon will be.

Keep your eye on the ball.

Affording won't be too, too much of a problem (especially without any kids to worry about). The thing is that for us we came down here with the lure of a bigger, better home, a nicer area, all of the promise of a better life. For the most part it's very much attainable, however we're not happy here. The thing with myself is the you get what you pay for. So yeah...it's expensive living in New Jersey but my family, friends, and the places I love are all up there. To me that's worth it's weight in gold and far more than what North Carolina could ever provide. I'm a very strong believer in family. I'll gladly fork over that cash for a more fulfilling life as opposed to a two floor home with the two car garage. I know that, for me personally, I'll never be truly happy here. Why should I bother staying? It's like having a ticket for an event you really don't want to go to...let someone else who wants to go have the seat.

[BrianH1970]

You know I really want to add that your mileage will vary. I know people who moved down here and would never think of moving back up north. On the other hand I know people who can't wait to move back. All of this is just from my personal experience. I will NOT knock anyone who says, "North Carolina is everything I dreamed it would be", nor will I knock anyone who says, "North Carolina is great but there's no place like home".

What I'm really saying is that unless you're financially under the gun and you're literally left with no other option, think really long and hard and take EVERYTHING into consideration. You'd be shocked at the things and people you'll miss (and how badly you'll miss them) when they're no longer at arm's length. It's truly a lesson in what I took for granted, that's for sure.

[jerseyj]

I just had to jump in here and thank you guys for such a sensative, thought provoking exchange. Seems to me that Brian has made his decision with eyes wide open!
When we moved to central Jersey in 1990, we bought a small house in a potato field surrounded by a pig farm and a corn field! Today, we are surrounded by box stores and million dollar homes. Stuff changes and we are rolling with it. We just love Jersey and it isn't even "home" for us. Will we stay here forever? Probably not. But it is home for now and definitely home for our Mississippi born daughter.
So Brian, Come on home, Baby! We need your attitude up here!
Thank you again!
Judi

[njprintman]

Originally Posted by BrianH1970

You know I really want to add that your mileage will vary. I know people who moved down here and would never think of moving back up north. On the other hand I know people who can't wait to move back. All of this is just from my personal experience. I will NOT knock anyone who says, "North Carolina is everything I dreamed it would be", nor will I knock anyone who says, "North Carolina is great but there's no place like home".

What I'm really saying is that unless you're financially under the gun and you're literally left with no other option, think really long and hard and take EVERYTHING into consideration. You'd be shocked at the things and people you'll miss (and how badly you'll miss them) when they're no longer at arm's length. It's truly a lesson in what I took for granted, that's for sure.

Brian,
Can't say anything after reading your posts.
Feel bad you MISS whatever it is you miss. That is hard and if you are NOT HAPPY...................ISN'T THAT WHAT IS IMPORTANT?
The wife and I are absolutely stuck in a town right next to Camden NJ. If we don't sell our house in the next 6 months or less the value will plummet by at LEAST A THIRD. Maybe more. I can't retire and afford NJ. I also can't afford to become a prisoner in my own home.
We want to retire and NC offers us the opportunity.
It does help that the only relative I have living is my brother and he lives in Calabash. Two other friends live nearby.
It is killing us that our two grown kids have absolutely no interest in coming with us. We will miss them terribly. It will, however, give them a free vacation spot.
So, as you say we are stuck here.
BUT, we have been vacationing in SC/NC for ten years and we both love the area. It is something we have been dreaming of and now our dream HOPEFULLY COME TRUE.
Best of luck.
Be HAPPY.
Dennis
Woodlynne NJ

[businessperson]

Originally Posted by BrianH1970

You know I really want to add that your mileage will vary. I know people who moved down here and would never think of moving back up north. On the other hand I know people who can't wait to move back. All of this is just from my personal experience. I will NOT knock anyone who says, "North Carolina is everything I dreamed it would be", nor will I knock anyone who says, "North Carolina is great but there's no place like home".

What I'm really saying is that unless you're financially under the gun and you're literally left with no other option, think really long and hard and take EVERYTHING into consideration. You'd be shocked at the things and people you'll miss (and how badly you'll miss them) when they're no longer at arm's length. It's truly a lesson in what I took for granted, that's for sure.

Home is where the heart is Brian. If you've got family, friends and roots in New Jersey and have the opportunity to go back, you'd be a FOOL not to. There's no amount of money, no job, not a big enough house in the world to make up for it. If I could go home today...I'd go. Nothing will EVER take the place of your family.

[NYer]

Originally Posted by Skipstone

...
I lived all over the country for years, but came to the realization "there's no place like home" and familiarity. So I'm back. ...

What I think a lot of people don't necessarily realize is that the happiest places are where the people are that you've known for years....
To me, there's something real sad about older people leaving behind everything they've always known to go someplace like Florida - or even here.

...

There are a few threads on the NY board which I am particularly - enjoying. Many of us, those who are there, & those who have left, are reminiscing about how it was on Long Island 10, 20 and 30 years ago.

About 2/3 of my high school class are no longer on the island. Many went out of state for college & never returned!

I have watched family & friends drift further east on the island, and up to Westchester, out to California & Ohio, Jersey, and Florida & NC, of course.

So, when I moved back to my hometown after college it had changed for me, in that not only was it more crowded & built-up, but the people were different too. The friends I made were new to the area!

So, there is no home for me to go to in a way. My parents were down here this weekend & we had a great time, it was just the same. It is more important that we are together than that we are together in a certain spot. They are softening on the idea of living here, finally.

[mjca4]

my my my, how sad some of these posts are...as a newcomer to NC from Calif. we have seen wonderful people here, most of whom are transplants. It's sad to see "locals" act so ignorant and insecure, jealous comes to mind also. This is America and people have a choice of where to live, and they should be able to do that anywhere without attitudes, of "this is mine not yours" how childish. I agree with a prior post, we chose NC, unlike some people just being born here without any other knowledge of other regions. We are all in this world together and it might be nice of some of these "locals" get some character. Mind you, I am not speaking of all NC locals, just some, annie, who act so miserably.

[BrianH1970]

Originally Posted by mjca4

my my my, how sad some of these posts are...as a newcomer to NC from Calif. we have seen wonderful people here, most of whom are transplants. It's sad to see "locals" act so ignorant and insecure, jealous comes to mind also. This is America and people have a choice of where to live, and they should be able to do that anywhere without attitudes, of "this is mine not yours" how childish. I agree with a prior post, we chose NC, unlike some people just being born here without any other knowledge of other regions. We are all in this world together and it might be nice of some of these "locals" get some character. Mind you, I am not speaking of all NC locals, just some, annie, who act so miserably.

I think I might be able to put it like this: I've seen posts on the NY board, Brooklynites, where you've had people saying, "I'm moving to North Carolina for this reason, that reason, that other reason, and so many people speak Russian where they say I should be the one learning how to speak it". When someone says that, there's a level of offense that they're culture has been taken away from them. A friend of mine who owns a townhome in Iselin, NJ would tell me how his area has turned into "Little India" due to the influx of Indian people. A lot of what these people identified with has been taken away due to an influx of a certain type of person and deep down there's a resentment. Russian/white, Indian/white, northerner/southerner, it's still a clash of cultures in a way.

I really do emphathize with the people who were born and raised here. These people are rapidly losing their identity in a way that parts of Brooklyn lost theirs, the way that Iselin lost it's identity, etc.. From day one I always tried to adapt the southern culture that's left (while maintaining my own sense of self, if that makes any sense ). Heck, they got me back into NASCAR. When in Rome...