NC culture -What exactly is it? (Charlotte, Greensboro: military, trip , work)

[backtofla]

the demographics of nc are changing rapidly, and many ppl moving there from up north, so i'm not really sure if there is a specific culture.

[sheena]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Are you purposely trying to be argumentative, or do you really fail to see my point?

Is anyone else having trouble understanding what I am saying?

I'm from the North and I understand what you are trying to say.

[Buckhead_Broker]

Originally Posted by Desdemona123

There is so much more to 'having manners' then parroting 'yes, sir' s all over the place.

Honestly, is you think that is what manners mean, then I would suggest that you have a superficial view of what manners and etiquette really are.

You could have a child, or adult for that matter, ending every request and sentence with 'Yes, ma'am' and be a sullen, little rude snot. I'd rather have actual manners any day of the week.

I'd just rather that there are actual manners present, and not a facade of civility over some ugliness.

I think a lot of Southerners (and yankees for that matter) teach their children to be respectful and polite and don't believe, as you say, that parroting "yes sir's" all over the place makes a person civil. Just how do you define "actual manners" versus what we are teaching our children?

[kmway]

Originally Posted by Buckhead_Broker

I think a lot of Southerners (and yankees for that matter) teach their children to be respectful and polite and don't believe, as you say, that parroting "yes sir's" all over the place makes a person civil. Just how do you define "actual manners" versus what we are teaching our children?

Exactly. Showing politeness verbally is simply a place to start with showing respect. No one said it was all-encompassing. To argue over whether or not it is appropriate is kind of a stupid argument anyway. I can't understand why anyone would have a problem with it.

[Desdemona123]

Originally Posted by kmway

Exactly. Showing politeness verbally is simply a place to start with showing respect. No one said it was all-encompassing. To argue over whether or not it is appropriate is kind of a stupid argument anyway. I can't understand why anyone would have a problem with it.

Because it implies the adult has a 'power over' relationship with the child....and I dont' want my child thinking that she has to follow the directions of just any adult simply because they demand to be called 'sir'.

I expect proper manners from my daughter, I don't expect her to view any adult around as having authority over her.

And as I've repeatedly said, all the 'yes sirs' in the world do not make a child well behaved or mannerly.

[NYer]

Originally Posted by backtofla

the demographics of nc are changing rapidly, and many ppl moving there from up north, so i'm not really sure if there is a specific culture.

There Certainly Is!!!!

Get off Capital Blvd, hang out a bit on the main streets, you will encounter the culture. It is still here, for now.

[backtofla]

i lived in asheville, so i am speaking for the western part of the state. i dont even know where you are talking about. but anywho... just givin' my .02.

ps- i just realized the person above who responded to me was named "nyer" on the forum. got a laugh out of that one...

[Back2NC]

Well…I have an interesting vantage point. I am an NC native, and lived for a long time in NY, living in both NYC area and Western NY. Here’s my .02…

Yes, Western NY and NYC are quite different from each other. Still, I have yet to say or wave hello to a stranger in any part of NY without getting a weird look, or being ignored. Sorry, but largely true. In NC, I can wave to people, say “hey”, and they will return the greeting – with a smile. It’s nice.

As for “yes, sir”, etc., I think it boils down to this: In the South, it is generally considered rude not to use “yes, sir”/ “yes, ma’am”. You don’t have to like it, but it is how it is, and “agreeing to disagree” is something to consider, I guess. In the NYC area, the reverse is true. If you move to NYC, accept that, and “agree to disagree” and drop the formality. I got yelled at by a teacher by saying “yes, sir”. I was raised that was how to show respect, and he thought I was sassing him. I was embarrassed and upset, but accepted it as part of that culture, and quit using it.

Anyway, as for thoughts on concerns regarding people moving to NC and changing things, I think that both sides could learn from each other. For instance, I really appreciate the politeness I learned in NC, and the chit chat. I also appreciate the honesty in NY. Somehow, if the two could blend, it would be great.

Here’s what I mean. Down South, people could be very nice and polite to you, but not like you one bit. You may go for months not knowing what they really think about you. In NY, it’s pretty easy to tell. However, people there don’t seem to want the small talk. If the two could be blended, it would be such a beautiful thing. Maybe it’s already happening.

On top of it all, I think it would be a shame if Christmas parades turned into “holiday” parades. Yes, people from all faiths move there. No, I don’t want to be ignorant, and I’m not. It’s just that if you choose to move to an area known for such, then be prepared to accept it.

I think there are lots of potential for growth if both sides genuinely try to understand each other and accept their differences. A lot of good can come of these changes.

Peace.

[Breezer95]

This is kind of funny. The whole concept of this thread was to discuss what we liked about our culture and what we would not want to change. One of those very things is exactly what Desdamona is arguing about.

Here... in our culture... saying yes sir or yes mam is always considered respectful even if it is not necessary. It may or may not imply any sort of "manners" or be a way of claiming someone has superiority over someone else.

To this day I use yes sir and yes mam quite often. I even use it in the uptown area of Charlotte where there are not very many locals from NC. I also say "howdy" when I greet someone. I do not have a strong local southern accent like I did when I grew up... but I maintain some of my cultural upbringing.

Example: I meet someone in the elevator where I work. Quite often people do not speak to each other... but I will always say "howdy" or at least "hi" and nod my head and smile to them. Sometimes, if I am leaving, I will ask if they know how the weather is. If they happen to ask me a yes/no question I will likely respond with "yes/no sir/mam"

I always get positive reactions and people smile. I know it may seem more informal for those who are not from NC... but those types of interactions are just considered normal acts of kindness and being polite to one another. I can not see why anyone would ever be upset over this.

[Mikeabo]

Originally Posted by Back2NC

Well…
Here’s what I mean. Down South, people could be very nice and polite to you, but not like you one bit. You may go for months not knowing what they really think about you. In NY, it’s pretty easy to tell. However, people there don’t seem to want the small talk. If the two could be blended, it would be such a beautiful thing. Maybe it’s already happening.

...

This is so true. I married a native of NC and she tells me the same thing. It's just natural for a southern to be nice to your face but you just don't know what they really feel about you. But, when she mets a Northerner (like Me) she feels they say what they mean and you know where you stand with them.