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What I am afraid of though is discrimination -- dirty looks, racist remarks and rudeness, even in the small towns. I could live in one of the major metropolitan areas, but what if we felt like taking a drive and stopping off at one of the smaller towns? Would we experience racism, bad stares, etc? That's what worries me, to be honest.
Wow, I can only imagine what stereotypes of NC you must have if this is your (or your wife's) mindset. I personally can't name a city in the whole US where you would be guaranteed of never, ever, ever getting "bad stares" from someone, whether it's on account of your race, religion, whatever. Why would you let a couple of "bad stares" affect you anyway if it's strangers you encounter once and won't see again? Their issue, not yours.
Here, as in any state, the small towns will have more "provincial" mindsets including social conservatism, racism, and problems with non-religious people. But in most of the urban areas of NC, you wouldn't think twice about it. We are a BLUE state, you know (actually "Purple", but went Blue in 2008).
You ask about Winston-Salem--that would be a fine choice and has quite a minority population, as does neighboring Greensboro (which is probably slightly more "cosmopolitan"...though Winston-Salem does have the NC School of the Arts). You might want to go one level down (on this board) into the TRIAD AREA forum and ask specifics there.
But mostly, I'd urge you to put aside stereotypes you (or your wife) seem to harbor about "Southern States" and see for yourself.
Personally, I have no stereotypes (don't believe in them myself). As for my wife, you have to understand that she has lived in South Florida her entire life, so she is going to be a little apprehensive about moving/visiting a new place, especially when one of her friends has painted such a bad view of a place, which probably isn't even true, or is a gross exaggeration, at best.
Small towns anywhere tend to have that "provincial" mindset (as Francois pointed out). They are not always going to be welcoming to outsiders. As for racism, believe me when I say I've even witnessed racism in a so-called "diverse" city, i.e. Miami.
Like I said, we're planning to visit NC in September and I have a feeling that I'm going to like the place a LOT. If we both like it, it may definitely turn out to be a serious option for us.
Okay BC, here it comes, the good, bad and the ugly. We relocated to Lincoln County from NJ, five years ago. Were orginally supposed to settle in to the Mooresville area where there are many Northern transplants, but a house deal fell through. So we settled in on Lincoln County (further west than Denver) because it's only 20 miles West of Mooresville and you get more house for your money in a more rural setting. Thinking to myself, my father's side of the family was all Southern (Virginia) and while yes, there is small-mindedness, they get over it after awhile, right?
That 20 miles made a LOT of difference in attitudes. There are more and more Northern transplants coming into this area so it has gotten a little better in the past 5 years. Spouse is dark too, I am light. Wish I had a buck for every time someone asked my spouse - "What are yew?" They always assume Mexican. However, people smile at me until I open my mouth and they hear the Northern accent, then a different look comes over their face. That's changing a little bit too, again, as there are more of us in the area.
We live in a very nice subdivision, but everyone is mostly retired or just starting families, and we are DINKS (double income, no kids) in our mid forties, and there are not many here who have the same interests. We love to travel. Most people either go to the mountains or the beach, and that's it. Case closed. We don't go to church. Everyone else does. The second thing they ask you after "what are yew?" is "what church do you go to?" Every thing seems to center around church here and if you don't go to church, you really don't fit in. We only have a couple of friends here.
We're now looking into possible relocation to the RDU area, primarily for the reasons mentioned above.
Now the good things about NC. Yeah, there are a bunch and I don't regret moving to the State of North Carolina. I regret not researching the exact area I am in right now, so BC you are doing the right thing and asking the right questions.
The people, for the most part, are pretty nice. Being older, my spouse and I were brought up to be polite, hold doors open for someone behind you, say please, thank you, etc. Most of our generation was raised that way. That niceness is still here in NC, unlike NJ.
There are a lot of people here who will be sweet as pie to your face and then stab you in the back. So it's hard to know who the "nice" people are sometimes. The worst ones are the loudest bible thumpers. But there are good Christian people here as well who live what they preach. So you take the good with the bad.
The weather is much, much nicer here than anywhere in the North. Yeah, we have humidity, but it's not as bad as Florida. The winters are nice and mild. We have beautiful mountains and also beautiful beaches. What little I saw from my visits to Asheville, I did like a lot. Seemed more progressive, but the job market was not as varied.
Anyway, I wish you good luck on your search. I think you will like it here, you just have to find the area that fits you and your spouse.
Okay BC, here it comes, the good, bad and the ugly. We relocated to Lincoln County from NJ, five years ago. Were orginally supposed to settle in to the Mooresville area where there are many Northern transplants, but a house deal fell through. So we settled in on Lincoln County (further west than Denver) because it's only 20 miles West of Mooresville and you get more house for your money in a more rural setting. Thinking to myself, my father's side of the family was all Southern (Virginia) and while yes, there is small-mindedness, they get over it after awhile, right?
That 20 miles made a LOT of difference in attitudes. There are more and more Northern transplants coming into this area so it has gotten a little better in the past 5 years. Spouse is dark too, I am light. Wish I had a buck for every time someone asked my spouse - "What are yew?" They always assume Mexican. However, people smile at me until I open my mouth and they hear the Northern accent, then a different look comes over their face. That's changing a little bit too, again, as there are more of us in the area.
We live in a very nice subdivision, but everyone is mostly retired or just starting families, and we are DINKS (double income, no kids) in our mid forties, and there are not many here who have the same interests. We love to travel. Most people either go to the mountains or the beach, and that's it. Case closed. We don't go to church. Everyone else does. The second thing they ask you after "what are yew?" is "what church do you go to?" Every thing seems to center around church here and if you don't go to church, you really don't fit in. We only have a couple of friends here.
We're now looking into possible relocation to the RDU area, primarily for the reasons mentioned above.
Now the good things about NC. Yeah, there are a bunch and I don't regret moving to the State of North Carolina. I regret not researching the exact area I am in right now, so BC you are doing the right thing and asking the right questions.
The people, for the most part, are pretty nice. Being older, my spouse and I were brought up to be polite, hold doors open for someone behind you, say please, thank you, etc. Most of our generation was raised that way. That niceness is still here in NC, unlike NJ.
There are a lot of people here who will be sweet as pie to your face and then stab you in the back. So it's hard to know who the "nice" people are sometimes. The worst ones are the loudest bible thumpers. But there are good Christian people here as well who live what they preach. So you take the good with the bad.
The weather is much, much nicer here than anywhere in the North. Yeah, we have humidity, but it's not as bad as Florida. The winters are nice and mild. We have beautiful mountains and also beautiful beaches. What little I saw from my visits to Asheville, I did like a lot. Seemed more progressive, but the job market was not as varied.
Anyway, I wish you good luck on your search. I think you will like it here, you just have to find the area that fits you and your spouse.
Thank you for the advice. I'm a little worried about the church thing, because both my wife and I are agnostic. I am certainly not prepared to go to church, just to "fit in", if that's what people expect. However, I do respect other people's religions and I would hope that they'd respect my non-religion, if that makes sense?
I guess I'll see when I get there.....I'm looking forward to it and I'll go with an open mind.
Thank you for the advice. I'm a little worried about the church thing, because both my wife and I are agnostic. I am certainly not prepared to go to church, just to "fit in", if that's what people expect. However, I do respect other people's religions and I would hope that they'd respect my non-religion, if that makes sense?
I guess I'll see when I get there.....I'm looking forward to it and I'll go with an open mind.
Stick to the larger metro areas and you won't have a problem.
Triangle, Charlotte, Triad, Asheville, Wilmington. Small towns all over the country tend to have less educated judgemental people. It's not a NC thing. Really it's not as bad as you seem to think it is and you just need to visit to see for yourself.
You have nothing to worry about. I live just outside of Raleigh in the suburban Cary area and you sound like you will fit in perfectly! I am agnostic as well and do not attend church, I know an equal amount of people who don't as I know who do. I have not once felt pressured or discriminated against for my religious beliefs and have been able to connect with many people who share ones similar to my own. Same goes for mixed couples, they are quite common and don't even turn heads. If anything, you should be more worried you'll blend right in!
As for your politics, I'd say its relatively split evenly between liberal and conservatives but neither side discriminates against the other.
I also want to add that if you plan on having children Wake County is a wonderful school system with dedicated teachers, clean schools, and a welcoming and friendly atmosphere.
Thank you for the advice. I'm a little worried about the church thing, because both my wife and I are agnostic. I am certainly not prepared to go to church, just to "fit in", if that's what people expect. However, I do respect other people's religions and I would hope that they'd respect my non-religion, if that makes sense?
I guess I'll see when I get there.....I'm looking forward to it and I'll go with an open mind.
We too are a non-religious family - the only time it has come up (and it has happened a fair bit) is with our kids at school, altho the school is non-denominational, secular, private... the older one (now 11) has had to explain/defend his stance and suffered the you'll go to hell, then..." comments. We have not felt the need or the pressure to do anything church-related, tho.
Also, we are a white/black mixed couple, live in Durham, and have had NO problems, stares, comments, etc - we know MANY other mixed families/couples in this area - also, we are relatively liberal/democratic and this has not been any kind of issue at all...
Sounds to me like you need to move to small town NC. We are very conservative, Christian people. My only hope is that if you move here someone would witness to you and your heart would be changed.
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