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The last name thing sounds very complicated :P I can barely remember my own friends' last names What do you do if someone has introduced themselves as Jane to you and you don't know their last name?
Could some of this be generational as well? I would feel really weird if someone called me Mrs. Doe since in my experience it's how people refer to elderly people they don't know very well. The Ms. Jane and Mr. John thing has always been so comfortable for everyone (I've lived in central and northern VA, central LA - the state, and southern TX)
Our experience has been that we typically use Ms. Jane around here, and that's what our experience has been in preschool as well, in a couple different schools. The teachers are Ms. Alice or Miss Jane. In elementary school and up, the more formal Mr. or Mrs. Smith still holds.
Since I was a teacher for a short time here, most of the kids on our block call me Mrs. Moorehead, err, I mean Homefinder, although I am perfectly comfortable with Ms. Rebekah.
I find nothing wrong with asking someone when they meet my children, "What would you like to be called, Ms. Alice or Mrs. Smith?" Some people, as stated above, are uncomfortable with the formality just as some are uncomfortable with being casual about it. It would irk me to be called just "Rebekah" by anyone still in school, though, especially having been a teacher.
I am a stickler for please, thank-you, and you're welcome, as well as yes ma'am and yes sir, but unfortunately I've never had the experience where this is enforced in school, anywhere we've lived. It's much tougher to get my three year old to call his preschool teacher "Ma'am" when it's not expected when I'm not there.
Having taught 7th grade, I don't think I've ever been called "Ma'am", although the 17 year old that babysits our kids has the BEST manners, it's always yes ma'am and yes sir... We'll really miss him when he graduates this year.
In Virginia, all adults were referred to as Ms. Jane and Mr. John (first names). Is that what's done in North Carolina as well? If so, are women all Ms. or do you differentiate between Ms. and Mrs.?
What about older people - do they get called by their last name? At what age do you transition if so?
Thanks
It's pretty much the same. Miss Firstname is used quite a bit for anyone....married, widowed...single.
Ms. is used but not all that much.
I do not encourage the use of 'sir' or 'ma'm'....as I feel it puts a level of authority (by the adult) over a child that they have no right to in most cases. It's still common in many families though, and I certainly do not cut my throat over it.
I've also found the use of 'sir' and 'ma'm' are often window dressing....not always, but often enough. They sound like manners, but they often just put a gloss over bad manners in many cases. I prefer actual manners, not just a veneer or 'show'.
I think the Miss First Name came about for those younger children that can not pronounce many last names.
The parents in my neighborhood and I decided that Miss and Mr First Name would be easiest for the kids. My preschooler already does it at school. I do find that I'm having the kids follow the same thing with adults they meet out/about (like at the car dealership,etc). Its much easier for children to remember as well.
If there is a lack of etiquette anywhere I highly doubt it is the fault of northerners. I have no prejudice one way or another about anything other than who is or isn't a nice person. And nice, courteous, polite people are everywhere just as the opposite are. And truth be told, its all my northerner neighbors who are the nicest, most considerate, friendliest and most welcoming in the neighborhood.
This got my attention, I was interested in it. My daughter is 13 her friends from pre-k thru 5 call me by my first name. Her friends now from middle school call me Mrs. (last name) and when I told them they could use my first name they just don't. My son is 8 his friends all call me by my first name. My kids call some of the adults by their first name and some by Mrs. (last name) I think it depends on the type of relationship you have with the parent of the child and the person themselves. I would laugh if my best friends kids called me by my last name! I don't think I would respond. lol...
All the kids around here call me by first name because I prefer that (and I am a native southerner). Mizzus and Mister sounds too much like that slave days where it was required of anyone, whether you actually respected them or not and it was a sign of subservience (not really respect).
I hate being called "Ms Jones" or Mizzus Smith. I just hate it. I've taught my own kids to ask what other people would like to be called and that's what they call them. Luckily, except for teachers, no one we know prefers Ms or Mrs.
As a 12th generation Southerner, we were raised to call adults outside of our family by "Mr. Jones" or "Mrs. Smith" and aunts and uncles as "Aunt Mary" or "Uncle Jimmy". We have taught our 12 year old children to do the same. We were at a party this week and hearing children answer "yeah" instead of yes ma'am or yes sir is like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard!
As a 12th generation Southerner, we were raised to call adults outside of our family by "Mr. Jones" or "Mrs. Smith" and aunts and uncles as "Aunt Mary" or "Uncle Jimmy". We have taught our 12 year old children to do the same. We were at a party this week and hearing children answer "yeah" instead of yes ma'am or yes sir is like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard!
'yeah' in a sullen manner is not acceptable either....at least not in my household.
It doesn't require what can be considered debasement of the child for them to be polite. I expect children to be respectful, and I in turn, respect them.
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What do you do if someone has introduced themselves as Jane to you and you don't know their last name? 
