Do NC people welcome "outsiders"? (Charlotte, Raleigh: houses, good schools)

[jeannie216]

Originally Posted by TonyClifton

Where do you think that you, an outsider, are more likely to hear how Southerners really feel, on an anonymous message board or face to face? Trust me, Southerners gripe about Yankees all the time amongst ourselves. For example:

I was recently talking with an acquaintance from college. He is a well educated guy (UNC undergrad, Duke Law), he works for a large law firm, and at 30 years old he recently moved into a neighborhood where the homes start at $500k. In other words he isn't some backwoods hick. I asked my friend how he liked his new neighborhood and he told me that all of his neighbors were nice except for one couple whom he described as "typical, loud mouthed, self absorbed Yankees."

Wow! I have to say I've been reading the forum for quite a few weeks now and I didn't realize this kind of stereotyping, from all over by the way, still exists. I really think people are people everywhere, all types, good and bad. I moved into the town I'm in up North about 11 years ago, and ended up with just a handful of what I would call "good" friends. There are also the "bad eggs", so to speak, but I think that happens everywhere. A very good friend of mine up North says although there is some "negativity" from certain people here in town which can be very unsettling, if something where to happen to one of us or our children, how fast the entire community would come together, and I believe that bonding, so to speak, will take place just about anywhere. Anyone can sit behind a computer monitor and jump into a debate, but I think only a very small amount of them really have it coming from the heart, and most of what is said by people is really just a defense mechanism. Do you know the old saying "think before you speak?" Some people have to chime in because someone hit a nerve, I know I can be guilty of that also, ask my husband! I believe it is all in one's attitude and if you are a person with decent values, you will attract good people and gravitate to the same no matter where you go. Two-faced? Some very well may be, but the majority, not at all. My youngest brother moved from Northern New Jersey to Virginia, then moved to Raleigh for almost 2 years now, and he says he will never come back to New Jersey, only to visit. My husband and I will be coming in a couple of weeks to begin our search for a possible relocation, starting in Johnston County, and both of us feel very confident this will be a positive experience. Jeannie

[Njrover0216]

I do not get the impression that NC people are unfriendly. I get the impression that they do not like change and any change they blame on the northerners coming in, specifically NY and NJ. They do not blame the influx of CA, FL, TX or OH. It is all NY and NJ fault. Again I do not live in any of those states. When on this board I feel like I am constantly battling trying to stick up for "transplants", when I feel like geesh all I want to do is relocate someplace and not hear someone tell me I am ruining THEIR state. I move there, I will pay taxes, etc...when does it become my state too? Is there a time span when us transplants can finally call NC our home? Whenever I try to stick up for the transplants I get neg reps from the southerners and positive reps from the rest of you. I feel like I am in high school again. Just to let you all know when I move down there, you stay to yourself and I will stay to mine, I do not care where you come from, how old you, what color you are...if you are respectful to me, my family and my property I could care less about anything else. I am easy going, love to cook out, play cards, sit out on the porch with friends, playgroups, stroll by the water...I am sure the majority can agree with that?

[MB2]

Originally Posted by Njrover0216

I do not get the impression that NC people are unfriendly. I get the impression that they do not like change and any change they blame on the northerners coming in, specifically NY and NJ. They do not blame the influx of CA, FL, TX or OH. It is all NY and NJ fault. Again I do not live in any of those states. When on this board I feel like I am constantly battling trying to stick up for "transplants", when I feel like geesh all I want to do is relocate someplace and not hear someone tell me I am ruining THEIR state. I move there, I will pay taxes, etc...when does it become my state too? Is there a time span when us transplants can finally call NC our home? Whenever I try to stick up for the transplants I get neg reps from the southerners and positive reps from the rest of you. I feel like I am in high school again. Just to let you all know when I move down there, you stay to yourself and I will stay to mine, I do not care where you come from, how old you, what color you are...if you are respectful to me, my family and my property I could care less about anything else. I am easy going, love to cook out, play cards, sit out on the porch with friends, playgroups, stroll by the water...I am sure the majority can agree with that?

I agree with your post, and I can honestly say that I think, most of the people here will agree.
The line between welcomed/ unwelcomed and people trying to blend in/ others trying to change the place they moved to, become so blurred for natives.
I think, a lot people have a hard, hard time for a lot of reasons. The natives have the state they knew re-arranged, and suffer the consequences in the name of "progress" and growth. (Higher taxes, higher cost of living, hisher home prices, influx in traffic, constructions everywhere, mentality change...etc.etc.etc). Somebody did that to them, whithout asking what they thought! So, they are upset already as it is...and ther is yet another blow coming....The "invaders" (no offense, just figure of speach!) come in, an don't miss a beat saying over and over, to every occation how much better everything is in NY, NJ, MY.....up north etc. (Whatever place they are from). Also, from what I gather are A LOT of NC people very patient, understanding, and polite. Well, and here comes a herd of buffalos just dashing in, creating chaos and being loud mouthed.....Well, NCarolinions are not used to that, and start to vent their frustration right here on the forum.
Well, I see and hear both sides, and come to a conclusion....
A key word is SENIORITY (believe it or not)
Just take it, like you are at work, and someone has seniority above you. Be polite, behave, keep your loud mouth shut...and respect, respect, respect...and BLEND in, embrace the new locale and culture. Just dust the cobb webs of your brain, and remember the good behavior your mama tought you.
If you follow that, you will be just fine, and welcomed into the neighborhood. Well, and if you are not, I guess we will hear about it right here on the forum as something like:"I moved to NC, and they treat me like s***"....lol
Both sides need to be patient, and give the other the proper chance, and it will be just fine!
~SMILE~ I have faith...

[momix5]

What JRR said is true. It is truly how you treat people. People tell me all the time I am too nice, to live where I live. I love to help people and always get the short end of the stick and I truly feel like I do not fit in where I live. i go out of my way to help people and other people look at me strange, cannot wait to move and hopefully meet people with at least half a heart!

[DurnYankee]

Originally Posted by MovingBack2PA

Wow....that's absolutely unexceptable in our day in age!
You are trying to tell me, that my husband, born and bred AMERICAN, ENGLISH speaking, has 23 years experience in his field....but will have a hard time finding a job, because he's from "up north"?????
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????
Please remind me again, which country I am living in???????

I met a small town good ole boy once who was trying to get me into selling insurance (what was I thinking?). I must have acted like him in some way -- I've always had that inadvertant knack -- and at one point, quite bluntly, he said: "Of course, I don't sell to n--gers."

Now there was plenty of racism up north when I left it, much of it quite hsotile, but it was sort of out in the open. Here, it's more of an undercurrent and part of that whole insiders/outsiders mystique. The distrust someone (not saying the other poster!) might have for some Yank who doesn't go to church reflects that same mentaility that you trust people you know inside and out.

But hell, people are like that everywhere. Just here, it's much more visible. Until the great north-south migration of the past couple decades, North Carolina was pretty much the anti-melting pot.

[Svenskagirl2]

My husband and our two children boy 11, girl 4, are looking forward to moving to Clayton (Glen Laurel to be exact) from So. Cal. We want to be with english speaking, church going families. The lack of respect children have here. The gangs, 14 year olds having sex, bad schools, the list goes on. To live someplace where children learn to say sir. Having good schools, high morals, and attend church is where I want to be. There is just one thing I am scared of and please be honest. Our daughter is adopted and hispanic will she be made fun of? For all the years we tried to have a baby she is our princess!

[cooperwx]

I read a post on this forum yesterday from a guy who said Cary has become just like what he left in NJ.

THAT, in a nutshell, is what North Carolinians are scared of. The state is changing sooo rapidly, and not for the better in many folks' eyes. NJrover and Back2PA, I think you guys are beginning to understand the frustration exists.

[MaryKaye]

Originally Posted by TonyClifton

We may well be friends if we work together or we are neighbors but I'm always going to keep you at a distance.

I am moving to BSL from Pa. and I would never want to be friends with someone like you, here or there. I have met the most wonderful people in NC and SC in the last 20 years of traveling there. I was raised a very strict Catholic as a child but no longer attend church. I may be looking for a new religion when we move south but I will not want to attend a church with someone as narrow minded and snobbish as you. Sorry

[MaryKaye]

Originally Posted by MovingBack2PA

I give all people a chance alike. I treat them well, as long as I am treated well. As for the "making friends" part....I don't have to go to church to do that, and my husband IS my best friend. So, I guess it's us "against the world"????

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

[MB2]

Originally Posted by MaryKaye

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

Amen, MaryKaye, amen...