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Old 06-04-2010, 09:08 AM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
3,193 posts, read 5,953,616 times
Reputation: 1624

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Honestly, what does it take? I've been trying to get my spouse placed into an appropriate Nursing Home or Continuing Care facility within NC? I've been at this for three years now. I've asked to be placed on the admission waiting lists. I've done as the state has asked and gave up the house and all of its contents, the car, and the IRAs's. I've depleted all of the assets and I've done the spousal impoverishment bit. Now, they want my pension and 401K. Of course, the ERISA laws and IRS regulations are pretty clear that those funds are not obtainable until I'm either retired or over 65.

It makes me feel as if I'm the only person in the state to ever need to do this. Am I?
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Old 06-04-2010, 09:46 AM
 
11 posts, read 27,941 times
Reputation: 15
Call your county and maybe you can get more info on the services. Medicaid thru deductable let my mom get care in her home. With all the cuts these programs may be in jeapordy though. Perhaps not being older is the problem.
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Old 06-05-2010, 11:20 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
7,427 posts, read 6,583,089 times
Reputation: 3364
SuperK,

When I had to put my father into a nursing facility the family doctor helped me.
Getting him in was a simple process. Now, when he passed (in the nursing home)
and there was a so-called "balance due", they tried to come after me because I
was the one who signed him in. But they did not succeed.

I know you have been battling this a long time and are weary but I would suggest
setting a meeting with the family doctor.

Wish you luck
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Old 06-05-2010, 12:56 PM
Status: "My Child is an Honor Student. My Governor is a Moron!" (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
25,960 posts, read 17,218,767 times
Reputation: 31007
how about an elder care attorney. google them in your area. Good luck
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Old 06-05-2010, 03:13 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
3,193 posts, read 5,953,616 times
Reputation: 1624
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chromekitty View Post
When I had to put my father into a nursing facility the family doctor helped me. Getting him in was a simple process.
How? What did you do? What am I doing wrong? I have yet to find a doctor who seems to know exactly how to fill in the paperwork without needing to consult with my attorney (yes, I have an Eldercare attorney) regarding virtually every line on the form. Did either you or him have any say as to which facility has was placed in (the state tells me neither one of us does)? Did you have to divest all of his and your current and future assets first?

Right now the state seems intent on burying both me and my attorney in paperwork and wasting everyone's time. We've gone back and forth with three revisions explaining in detail the IRS rules regarding 401K plans and yet they still will not accept that my pension and 401K is not an asset of hers.
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Old 06-05-2010, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
7,427 posts, read 6,583,089 times
Reputation: 3364
I will send you a DM with our situation by the end of the weekend.
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Old 06-05-2010, 06:59 PM
 
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
451 posts, read 934,198 times
Reputation: 282
Default Nursing Home

Dear SuperK, My heart goes out to you on what you are going through. Unless you have been there, I don't know if anyone truly understands what it is like. I had to be the one that made the decision to put my Dad in a nursing home about 15 years ago. One of the hardest decisions I have had to make in my life. I felt all alone when it came to so many issues just like you feel now.

I believe the laws change all the time so it is very difficult to know what to do. My Mom was living at the time and still in the home they had together. My husband at the time, and I had bought their home. It was a lady at the bank that told me to divide their savings. She told me all the legalities of what we needed to sign. She was very helpful. Dad had had a stroke and we could not bring him back to the house from the hospital, since Mom had health issues as well.

When Dad was still in the hospital, they called and said he was ready to come home. We freaked out because we couldn't bring him home. A doctor friend told me they could not just dump him in the street. It has been so long ago, and the whole experience was such a nightmare, I'm not sure what happened. I think a social worker from the hospital helped us find a place for him. When his money ran out, he was then placed on Medicaid.

His money ran out pretty quickly, but we were told that if Mom needed anything at all, to get it before his money ran out. If I am reading your heartbreaking story correctly, you have already done a lot of this. If you can not find a social worker that will help you, I would be calling your State Representative. What are people suppose to do?A friend of mine, now a retired social worker, told me that the state changed the laws so quickly, that half the time, social workers can not keep up with all the changes. This makes me so mad. See if her doctor can help. Let these people we elected do their jobs and get someone to help you. God Bless, and keep us informed. I feel your pain because I have been there.
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Old 06-05-2010, 10:06 PM
 
Location: Raleigh, NC
3,193 posts, read 5,953,616 times
Reputation: 1624
Folks, one of the reason I keep posting these topics is because it's hard for me to believe that I'm the only one out there who needs to do this. I want to make sure that everyone knows that they need to start planning for this possibility at least five years in advance so they don't get stuck in this kind of nightmare at a time when they can least afford to be.
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Old 06-07-2010, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
7,427 posts, read 6,583,089 times
Reputation: 3364
SuperK,

Been trying to message you, do I need to friend you to do so?
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Old 06-16-2010, 07:21 PM
 
13 posts, read 26,736 times
Reputation: 14
yea...your family primary care physician would be the best place to start. There are certain forms...I think called FL-2 that you need to have completed as well (social workers are good for completing these)...sorry I couldn't be of more help
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