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Old 02-17-2010, 11:03 PM
 
Location: Texas!!! It's hot but I don't care :)
549 posts, read 1,270,592 times
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I just moved to North Dakota and I have to say, I have been here for 5 months and have not once been out with anyone. I have never EVER had problems making friends ANYWHERE and I have moved 60 times in my life, 27 states and 5 countries. This being the least friendly place. I met one person and the reason we met was me complaining about how terrible North Dakota was and she agreed and we met up for lunch the next day. Surprise, she was from the base. Not North Dakota. Sorry, North Dakota, when I leave here, I won't be coming back and I don't think anyone here would really care.

 
Old 02-18-2010, 06:51 AM
 
82 posts, read 236,887 times
Reputation: 46
Quote:
Originally Posted by etjaipleure View Post
I met one person and the reason we met was me complaining about how terrible North Dakota was and she agreed and we met up for lunch the next day.
I find it difficult to believe that you couldn't make any friends - especially with your positive attitude.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 09:54 AM
 
350 posts, read 470,777 times
Reputation: 156
Quote:
Originally Posted by etjaipleure View Post
Sorry, North Dakota, when I leave here, I won't be coming back and I don't think anyone here would really care.
I think with that attitude, you're completely right - no one would care. Sorry your time here has been so miserable, but it really sounds like you're making little-to-no effort to integrate or proactively find fun. Every one of your posts has been negative from the start, whether it be about not finding an apartment, not going out, or whatever. No wonder you haven't met anyone but another bitter woman who shares your negative views on our state. Like the old saying goes, misery really does love company...

Maybe when your attitude improves, your experience here will also. Good luck.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 10:02 AM
 
Location: E ND & NW MN
4,731 posts, read 9,085,251 times
Reputation: 3454
Quote:
Originally Posted by etjaipleure View Post
I just moved to North Dakota and I have to say, I have been here for 5 months and have not once been out with anyone. I have never EVER had problems making friends ANYWHERE and I have moved 60 times in my life, 27 states and 5 countries. This being the least friendly place. I met one person and the reason we met was me complaining about how terrible North Dakota was and she agreed and we met up for lunch the next day. Surprise, she was from the base. Not North Dakota. Sorry, North Dakota, when I leave here, I won't be coming back and I don't think anyone here would really care.
I am sorry you dislike it here so much....I know from experience how hard it is to be in a place you dont like much. I do hope you find a place you like better...there is such a place for each person I believe. I grew up down south (or I call it down south) in Kentucky and could not wait to get out as I just did fit in with the people down there. My accent wasnt southern (why I dont know as my parents and siblings have a severe drawl) and I would always get teased for it in school. I always wanted to move up north where I thought I would fit in better and it doesnt help that I prefer the cold winter to a hot steamy summer. But I love Grand Forks-East Grand Forks and was very glad I was able to move with my job to a place I love. I hope the same for you!

Dan
 
Old 02-18-2010, 02:39 PM
 
Location: A little house on the prairie
11 posts, read 31,981 times
Reputation: 23
It's interesting to see the comments on this particular incident. I hope more people from ND will respond (both pro & con). Usually in a small town (Dakotas), you will have one or a couple of key families leading the town's gov't, school, churches, and other community functions. If you are an "outsider" (not one born in that community), you will find resistance eventually to something you would like to see happen in your community (ie. getting more books for the library, a swing for the park, etc.) Your intentions may be well-intended but believe it or not, some people will take offense to any change no matter how small. The key families in the town have the influence and decide what's "best" for all - it's just how things are done in many small towns in the Dakotas. If you play by the unwritten rules, you'll do okay but if you're even a little on the vocal-side (a little suggestion not a demand), you probably wont get your ideas across. However, if you cross paths with one of the key families in the town (your kid had a fight with theirs, you yelled at their dog to get off your yard, etc.), you better be prepared to be shunned to some extent. My policy is to smile but still carry a big stick. Teddy Roosevelt was from NY but spent some time in ND. I think he learned something about the Dakotas
 
Old 02-18-2010, 05:16 PM
 
252 posts, read 580,850 times
Reputation: 355
I've been enjoying this thread and have refrained from adding to it, but its time for me to pipe up.

So far, I've read a bunch of people saying "they shouldn't be trying to do things THEIR way" without even thinking about what a culture shock it likely was to the family. It wasn't them doing it "their" way, it was them doing it how was acceptable back home. They probably had no clue that people would get so bent out of shape from them doing things how they did. Gold chains and nice cars scream drug dealer here, but in Miami it doesn't.

I grew up in one of these ND small towns. People are nice if you act just like them. I've seen families be ridiculed for painting their house yellow/mauve/red/steel blue. The church pastor was nearly run out of town because one of the "new families" invited him to the town bar/grill for lunch and the rest felt he shouldn't be in a drinking establishment (after a few years of harassment from similar things he finally quit). People who decorate heavily for xmas are scoffed at yearly. I dealt with being renown as a devil-worshiper and drug-addict because I was an artist (I was told at my confirmation by a woman that I needed to stay out of drugs. wtf). Those that want to stay and fit in tend to give up and behave how the town wants them to behave, and they always seem borderline depressed imo.

These people probably did hold onto some of their miami-ways and that caused a bit of resentment, but I've witnessed and experienced enough gossip/shunning in attempt to break a person that I do consider small towns to be unfriendly. No one should have to lose their sense of self just to be accepted. I bet if this family didn't follow their dreams and just lived in their house and chose mundane little lives, they'd be accepted as "that family that got the free house."
 
Old 02-18-2010, 10:18 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,140 times
Reputation: 10
I recently moved to Bismarck from Ohio hoping to find better work opportunities and make my life better, but I have found it very difficult to meet people here. I am friendly and outgoing, but people seem somewhat cold here and not open to strangers. I am also half black/half white don't know if this has anything to do with it. I am hoping to make some friends out here though. I haven't given up on Bismarck yet.
 
Old 02-18-2010, 11:14 PM
 
231 posts, read 649,893 times
Reputation: 129
Quote:
Originally Posted by hansenwstr View Post
I am also half black/half white don't know if this has anything to do with it.
as soon as you mention it, it does. it's not a hurdle for most of us, but it's a problem if even one of us is thinking about it.

i find it difficult to meet people because i'm different from most people. if i'm around people that have similar interests, things work. perhaps the problem that most of the people here have is that they're trying to become friends with people who are too different.

i don't like people, i won't even pretend that i do. i don't want to be around people that waste their money on things that are self-destructive and wasteful, as a general rule, because those people usually have profoundly different approaches to life than i do. if i tried to find new acquaintances in liquor establishments, i would probably not succeed. i have met the most neat people while dancing, at game stores, all-night restaurants, and college classes.

the people that tell you to "step out of your comfort zone to make friends" are telling you to make your life more difficult to find people that won't necessarily make your life better. the people that are going to be the most enjoyable are the people that you meet doing the things you normally do. there are a few exceptions, but don't treat them as normal - hence the term "exception".
 
Old 02-19-2010, 09:34 AM
 
350 posts, read 470,777 times
Reputation: 156
For the people who are having trouble making friends, my trick is to start with the people you have something in common with. That means co-workers, classmates, other parents, etc. When you have something that ties you together, it's much easier to strike up a conversation or find something to relate on. Even if you don't like the people you work with a lot, for example, you might discover that their other friends outside of work are interesting or worth getting to know. It's all about networking, folks.

etjaipleure, I know we've been giving you a bit of a hard time in this thread, but I was wondering something. Is your husband having the same kind of trouble you are with finding friends? How are your kids holding up? Maybe if one of them meets someone new, you can get involved. I know your schedule kind of prevents you from going out or meeting many new people, but is there any way you can switch shifts or maybe find an other job that's more accessible for your needs? I understand North Dakota isn't going to be for everyone, but no one should go through what you're feeling, especially if you're making an effort to find friends.
 
Old 02-19-2010, 11:58 AM
 
1,016 posts, read 2,702,920 times
Reputation: 660
Quote:
Originally Posted by acfreema View Post
as soon as you mention it, it does. it's not a hurdle for most of us, but it's a problem if even one of us is thinking about it.

i find it difficult to meet people because i'm different from most people. if i'm around people that have similar interests, things work. perhaps the problem that most of the people here have is that they're trying to become friends with people who are too different.

i don't like people, i won't even pretend that i do. i don't want to be around people that waste their money on things that are self-destructive and wasteful, as a general rule, because those people usually have profoundly different approaches to life than i do. if i tried to find new acquaintances in liquor establishments, i would probably not succeed. i have met the most neat people while dancing, at game stores, all-night restaurants, and college classes.

the people that tell you to "step out of your comfort zone to make friends" are telling you to make your life more difficult to find people that won't necessarily make your life better. the people that are going to be the most enjoyable are the people that you meet doing the things you normally do. there are a few exceptions, but don't treat them as normal - hence the term "exception".

I agree. Pretty much every friendship that I have had has been rooted in having common interests.
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