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Northeastern Pennsylvania Scranton, Wilkes-Barre, Pocono area
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Unread 11-15-2007, 07:21 PM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
23,962 posts, read 37,512,653 times
Reputation: 9217
Smile NEPA Members Roast

This was a topic that has proven itself to be quite popular on the "Other Topics" forum, and I thought it would thrive on our own local sub-forum as well. With all of the tensions that erupt on here from time to time, I figure starting a new "roast" thread would be a great way for each of us to poke innocent fun at one another to relieve conflicts before they escalate. Let's keep in mind that this thread is all in good fun, so please everyone don't take unnecessary offense. The other thread has been a smashing success, and I'm hoping we can have our own "fun" here as well. Enjoy! I'll get the ball rolling by roasting myself to show that I'm a good sport.


After much pleading and begging from his significant other, Paul finally decided to go dancing at club Twist near Wilkes-Barre. Having been there before, Paul knew to expect some weird and crazy circumstances. After drinking a few shots of a mysterious liquid that tasted like Vanilla Coke, he noticed himself feeling oddly different. He looked in a nearby mirror and noticed he had morphed into none other than Britney Spears! Shocked and confused, he grabbed a nearby two-liter bottle of the liquid and began running up and down Highway 315, where various high-profile Republican lawmakers pulled up beside him and offered him rides. To this day nobody knows quite what happened to Paul. Some say he went on to conceive several children with Kevin Federline and lead a rather unsuccessful career in the entertainment industry. Others claim that he tap dances in the mens' room of the Minneapolis airport with Sen. Larry Craig. Who really knows? (Besides Ray Lyman of course).

 
Unread 11-15-2007, 07:26 PM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
23,962 posts, read 37,512,653 times
Reputation: 9217


In a mad dash to leave Boston for the urban oasis that is the Wyoming Valley, KittensPurr packed her belongings into her old camper, hitched it up to her trusty hatchback, and set out for the Massachusetts Turnpike. Her OnStar told her to turn left onto Paul Revere Drive, but she thought she knew a shortcut through a very inviting-looking pedestrian plaza. Interestingly enough she got a little taste of home when a random mine subsidence opened up and partially swallowed her trailer! She spent the next several hours chasing away the Boston news media, who had never quite seen someone in such a bloody hurry to get to Pennsylvania.
 
Unread 11-15-2007, 07:32 PM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
23,962 posts, read 37,512,653 times
Reputation: 9217


Our very own WeLuvPA learned that Scranton City Council President Judith Gatelli was involved in an odd Irish/Catholic conspiracy to force Lower Green Ridge to obey her every demand, pay taxes, and be excluded from city affairs. Outraged, he approached the council podium at last Tuesday's meeting to demand an answer about this "taxation without representation." Mrs. Gatelli responded with the following answer:



When WeLuvPA said "No thanks. I use toilet paper," Mrs. Gatelli said she felt threatened and would have to cancel the next three meetings. When WeLuvPA asked why she felt threatened, she ordered two nearby city officers to detain him with a taser! To this day WeLuvPA goes down in history as being the first resident ever to officially give council president Gatelli a run for her money!
 
Unread 11-15-2007, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
23,962 posts, read 37,512,653 times
Reputation: 9217
http://www.newyorkrangers.com/fanzone/images/FANatics/DiLeo_M_050707.jpg (broken link)

It appears as if NYRangers2008 had no clue how to "blend in" when I told him I was treating him to a hockey game at the Wachovia Arena. During a "white-out" home game while the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins are in the play offs, he stuck out like a sore thumb. Needless to say the team mascot, Tux, wasn't happy when we bumped into one another out in the parking lot:



Now that's one seriously angry penguin!
 
Unread 11-15-2007, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Wilkes-Barre, PA
1,360 posts, read 1,592,771 times
Reputation: 700
Paul, that is one awesome picture. Congratulations because that is a memory you will take to the grave LOL. Regarding adding to your page, sorry haha. I need to keep the political profile intact for the boss
 
Unread 11-15-2007, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
23,962 posts, read 37,512,653 times
Reputation: 9217


After months of searching for a lucrative part-time job in Wyoming County to no avail, MemoriesBre was hired as a bodyguard for Martha Stewart to deflect random pie-throwings from hecklers when she visits her summer home at Lake Winola. Together they opened up a new bakery in the space vacated by Gable's Bakery in Downtown Tunkhannock. All was going well until former congressman Don Sherwood stepped in, saw that Ms. Stewart was the co-owner, and promptly attempted to throw a cherry pie in her direction. MemoriesBre took a direct hit for her boss and certainly earned her paycheck that day!

 
Unread 11-15-2007, 08:00 PM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
23,962 posts, read 37,512,653 times
Reputation: 9217

Inspired by Paul becoming a tourist attraction by running around in a boa, guzzling soda, and muttering incoherently about losing his children to protective services and Kevin Federline along Highway 315, Chefkey decided to put on his hat and get to work with a free gourmet dinner to anyone willing to head to Downtown Wilkes-Barre on a Tuesday night. He single-handedly whipped up the following feast, which lured in thousands of suburbanites and permitted the downtown to flourish:



For his efforts, Mayor Leighton bestowed the key to the city unto him.
 
Unread 11-15-2007, 08:03 PM
 
1,246 posts, read 1,487,267 times
Reputation: 484
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScrantonWilkesBarre View Post

Inspired by Paul becoming a tourist attraction by running around in a boa, guzzling soda, and muttering incoherently about losing his children to protective services and Kevin Federline along Highway 315, Chefkey decided to put on his hat and get to work with a free gourmet dinner to anyone willing to head to Downtown Wilkes-Barre on a Tuesday night. He single-handedly whipped up the following feast, which lured in thousands of suburbanites and permitted the downtown to flourish:



For his efforts, Mayor Leighton bestowed the key to the city unto him.
that was too nice to be a roast. I call for a re-roast
 
Unread 11-15-2007, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
23,962 posts, read 37,512,653 times
Reputation: 9217
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lehigh Valley Native View Post
that was too nice to be a roast. I call for a re-roast
Me tired. Me will resubmit in the morning. Me will watch South Park then doze off. The Democratic debate wore me out!
 
Unread 11-15-2007, 08:23 PM
 
Location: Wilkes-Barre, PA
1,360 posts, read 1,592,771 times
Reputation: 700
Thanks Paul :-) You book it, I'll cook it
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