NEPAs Own Off-Topic Thread ( family, home, photos) (organic, groceries)

[Jungle George]

Well, JG had an adventure last week!!

I took Chica out for her afternoon walk & noticed some bees flying around our water meter box in the ground. I brought her inside, went back out & watched.

They were flying in & out of the small hole in the hinged lid. Well, JG thought "GREAT!! They're building a nest for the meter-reader"!!

I went into the garage & got my 6-foot pole saw, slowly stuck the tip of the saw in the lid's hole & yanked the whole lid off....there were THOUSANDS of bees in the receptacle!!! I've never seen anything like it besides on a National Geographic Special!!!

I kept watching & they weren't aggressive towards me, so I was guessing they were honeybees & not the African Killers that we have here...I didn't want to kill them (honeybees are disappearing in the wild from a virus, & w/o them, our food supply will gradually disappear also from lack of pollenators...) so I just prayed they'd move on to a better "hive site" & left the lid off.

After about an hour they were gone.

The next day, they were back again. So I called our utility company to see what they could do. Well, they just showed up now & the bees have moved on to better pastures (thank God), so I cleaned out the meter box, put the lid back on & put a paver over the access hole to deter them from returning.

Gotta work with Mother Nature!!

[lialleycat]

Originally Posted by Jungle George

Well, JG had an adventure last week!!

I took Chica out for her afternoon walk & noticed some bees flying around our water meter box in the ground. I brought her inside, went back out & watched.

They were flying in & out of the small hole in the hinged lid. Well, JG thought "GREAT!! They're building a nest for the meter-reader"!!

I went into the garage & got my 6-foot pole saw, slowly stuck the tip of the saw in the lid's hole & yanked the whole lid off....there were THOUSANDS of bees in the receptacle!!! I've never seen anything like it besides on a National Geographic Special!!!

I kept watching & they weren't aggressive towards me, so I was guessing they were honeybees & not the African Killers that we have here...I didn't want to kill them (honeybees are disappearing in the wild from a virus, & w/o them, our food supply will gradually disappear also from lack of pollenators...) so I just prayed they'd move on to a better "hive site" & left the lid off.

After about an hour they were gone.

The next day, they were back again. So I called our utility company to see what they could do. Well, they just showed up now & the bees have moved on to better pastures (thank God), so I cleaned out the meter box, put the lid back on & put a paver over the access hole to deter them from returning.

Gotta work with Mother Nature!!

Thank you for not killing the bees. When a queen starts to get older, she rears new queens and lots of workers. The hive splits and the new queen and workers 'hang out' (swarm) until scouts find a good place to live. Then the scouts come back and lead the group to their new home. The ones you found were probably a new swarm and were checking out that as a possible place to live, when you disrupted it, they moved on to another place that's hopefully more suitable. Now if you knew someone looking for a swarm to start or add to their own bees, they'd have come and gotten them from you!

[Jungle George]

65 above zero:
Floridians turn on the heat.
People in NEPA plant gardens.

60 above zero:
Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in NEPA sunbathe.

50 above zero:
Italian & English cars won't start.
People in NEPA drive with the windows down.

40 above zero:
Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in NEPA throw on a flannel shirt.

35 above zero:
New York city landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in NEPA have the last cookout before it gets cold.

20 above Zero:
People in Miami all die.
People in NEPA close the windows.

Zero:
Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in NEPA get out their winter coats.

10 below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in NEPA are selling cookies door to door.


20 below zero:
Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in NEPA let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in NEPA get upset because they can't start the snow-mobile.

40 below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in NEPA start saying...'cold enough fer ya?'


50 below zero:
Hell freezes over.
NEPA public schools will open 2 hours late.

[Jungle George]

A recent study conducted by Harvard University
found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans
drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be An American!!

[Summering]

I love those last two postings JG........too funny...........and NEPA is just like that....

Plus the fact that I get 41 miles to the gallon......is making me proud and smile at the same darn time.......wonderful, inspiring.........

[Jungle George]

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in mysterious ways.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, 'Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'.

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'

The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'

She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'

The woman replies, 'No. I think I'll just wait for the police....'

MORAL OF THE STORY: Women are clever, evil ******es. Don't mess with 'em.

[Summering]

I was looking at cars the other day.
Anyone step into a "Journey" by Dodge?
There is no way into that third row seat. We pulled, pushed, and bended the middle seat........but nothing gave access to that row.
No woman invented this.......I am sure of it.
Because how would one put a child back there, and for that matter be able to buckle them in.
So that was the end of looking at that smart looking cross over. Its nice.........but, not practical in the least.
Off to the beach real soon............and this weekend............80's...........I am so excited.
Just give me some water, and pack up that lotion.

[Jungle George]

Originally Posted by Summering

I was looking at cars the other day.
Anyone step into a "Journey" by Dodge?
There is no way into that third row seat. We pulled, pushed, and bended the middle seat........but nothing gave access to that row.
No woman invented this.......I am sure of it.
Because how would one put a child back there, and for that matter be able to buckle them in.
So that was the end of looking at that smart looking cross over. Its nice.........but, not practical in the least.
Off to the beach real soon............and this weekend............80's...........I am so excited.
Just give me some water, and pack up that lotion.

Ain't the weather just wonderful!!??!! I've been working like crazy in the yard!!

I got the seating area by the grotto 2/3 done...all the concreting, wiring, etc. Now I just have to prep & plant the area & I'll be finished & post pix!!

I call the grotto "The Grotto Of Our Lady Of The Sea", & found a blue fluorescent light bulb at The Depot Of Homes (sorry Paul, I HATE the Lowe's here!! Everyone is unfriendly & miserable that works there...)...it looks so cool at night!!

[Jungle George]

Fourth Place:

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Third Place :

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second Place:

Bill worked in a pickle factory..
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion..
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.

'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.

'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill, what happened?'

'I got fired.'

'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'

'Oh...she got fired too.'
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My breasts are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal'.....

[Jungle George]

Actual epitaphs from around the world....


Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York :
Born 1903--Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. It was.
=============================
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no
place to go.
=============================
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia :
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only The
Good Die Young.
=============================
In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, Who lived an old maid
but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
=============================
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread, And
the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace
wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.
===============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast... Pardon him
for not rising.
===============================
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
==============================
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays The Kid.
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger
But slow on the draw.
================================
A lawyer's epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.
=================================
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne,
England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
==================================
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went
out of tune.
==================================
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls ,
Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
==================================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,
Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod.
Pease shelled out and went to God.
==================================
In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I
As I am now, so shall you be.
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I'll not consent.
Until I know which way you went.