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Unfortunately there is a great deal of elder abandonment in NEPA. The Scranton/Wilkes-Barre area has one of the most elderly populations in the country coupled with one of the nation's worst cases of "Brain Drain" due to the awful employment scene. The result? A lot of children move away after college and never return, and the parents don't want to move out of NEPA and closer to their children so they can be cared for in old age, leaving them isolated and lonesome. I myself have been worried about this happening, which is why I know someday I will inevitably be moving back to the Wyoming Valley to help my sister care for my parents when they need me. I also worry myself as a chronically single gay male that in my own old age I'll be a burden upon society and will likely draw up some sort of formal plan for others to put me into a facility when I can no longer care for myself.
You really do have my sympathies. As someone who used to work at Redner's Market in Pittston Township, which became a "hangout" for the little old Polish ladies from Dupont, I was always worried about how to politely break off increasingly uncomfortable conversations from lonesome elderly customers talking about their cats, their children who make the "big bucks" out-of-state, the downfall of society, etc. I'm the type of person who always loves to lend a sympathetic ear, smile, nod, and try to console/comfort someone, but, at the same time, I also have a life of my own to live and a career of my own I am responsible for and can't play "pretend son/grandson" for throngs of lonesome older people. I ran into this problem as well when I worked at Lowe's, and that was an even busier "take a number and wait" sort of environment where people like that really put me in an awkward situation of not wanting to seem rude by cutting them off mid-sentence but also not wanting another customer to complain to management that I was "ignoring" them. I found myself really stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes.
What's the solution? It's hard to say. A lot of these lonely elderly people have never lived outside of NEPA and are AFRAID to move closer to their children/grandchildren in NoVA, DC, MD, NYC, NJ, SEPA, or whatever greener economic pasture they migrated to. However, you can't also honestly expect people to just up and quit their livelihoods to come back to NEPA and work at a gas station while caring for their parents, putting their own children's financial futures at stake.
I wish you nothing but the best, but, sadly I don't know what the "right" advice to give to you would be. Thankfully you have more of a backbone than I do. If I had a neighbor like that I might as well just put on my game face, bend over, and take it because I typically do back-flips trying to make someone else's day a bit better (says the dork voted "Most Likely to Brighten Your Day" in high school!)
P.S. Where did you end up moving? By your comments of "head into town" I'm guessing you're relatively in the country somewhere, but I can't think of any rural areas in NEPA with apartment complexes.
Before I begin, I just want to say how helpful this board was for me when I was looking to move to NEPA. I love the area where I am living......
.....except for one neighbor.
I made the mistake of chatting with an elderly neighbor lady at the mailbox by our apartments one day. She told me lots of neighborly things about the other residents and the community. I found out when trash day was, etc, etc, etc. In our chatting she mentioned that she is disabled and her husband recently had a stroke. She is is sole caregiver, and he frequently has problems with walking and falling, but she is too frail to lift him. She also told me that he can't be left alone in case of a seizure. They have no vehicle and depend on county transport to get to dr's and run errands. I told her that I would be happy to pick up some things from the store for her sometime if she needed me to.
Oh, if I could only take that back!
Two days later, the lady came down to my apartment (4 doors down) and asked if I could run her to the store for some groceries. I told her I was planning to go the next day, but she insisted that it was an emergency and she needed to go right away. I took her to the store and wandered around with her for over an hour while she put 5-6 items in her cart. It was mainly food items like coffee creamer, taco seasonings, and so forth. The "emergency" seemed to be the cigarettes. The whole time she is rambling on and on about how her daughter won't take her places, how lonely she is, how her granddaughter hates her, and I felt awful that she is so isolated from her family.
But when we got to the check-out and she was $30 short for her groceries and asked me if I had money, I was shocked To be honest, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get away from her, so I bought the groceries and booked it home.
About a week later, she came by again and repaid me for the groceries. This time, when I turned around to put the money on the table, she walked into my apartment and started snooping around (oh, your coat closet is on that side, oh what a nice vaccuum). She even walked into my bedroom! She tried to talk me into running her to town again, but I told her I couldn't and started scooting her to the door.
Next thing I know, I am sitting in my living room at 8:30 on a weeknight in my jammies and my doorbell rings. I know who it is, so I grab my cell and pretend I'm talking on it so she can see that I'm busy. I open the door and there she is in a neck brace! She said she's sorry to bug me, but she really needs to run to the store quick and just got back from the ER. I'm thinking she needs pain killers or a prescription, or some bandages maybe.......NOPE she bought DELI MEAT. I was FUMING As we are standing there in line, she tells the lady behind the counter that I'm her daughter. I said "I'm not her daughter, I'm her neighbor". At the checkout, she is yapping to the clerk about how her real daughter is so mean to her that she adopted me, then she turns to me and says she doesn't feel good. It turns out she is diabetic and forgot to eat that day.
So my problems are now doubled. I am concerned that she is not able to take care of herself, let alone a man who needs 24-hour care. (She also told me on the drive home that she leaves him alone to run these errands). Is this something I can report to the Agency on Aging as neglect, even if I have no evidence of harm? Is there another way to get someone involved? I don't know of any friends or realtives she has well enough to reach any of them.
She invited me for dinner and I said no. She asked me to run her somewhere, I said no. When I see her by the mailbox, I turn my car around and drive away. I do everything I can to avoid her like the plague. The trouble is, she can see my apartment from hers, so she knows when I am home. If i don't answer my phone, she keeps calling and keeps calling. If I dont answer the door, she tries to peek in the windows. I flat-out told her I can't take her anywhere anymore and I don't want to be friends, but she continues to try to hook into me. It has gotten so bad that I have started to cook in the dark and confine myself to my bedroom so she won't see any lights on. I can't continue to live this way.
I really do think that she is a nice person, who happens to be extremely lonely and in need of assistance. unfortunately, I also think dementia is setting in and leading her to mishandle finances and be forgetful and confused. So how do I get rid of AND help a very nice little old lady who has no social boundaries and may possibly be in the beginnings of dementia? I am open to any suggestions and guidance at this point.
Sorry for venting whew
You are going to have to be fair and square with her. Tell her how it is over a nice warm cup of tea. If that is to personal, then out at the mailbox have the discussion.
Tell her truthfully that you didn't appreciate buying her cigarettes.
That you can not do that, nor buy her groceries.
I would not live in the dark, or have to close my curtains. Your so right, you can't continue to live this way.
Tell her your sorry, that she is a very nice lady but you will try to set her up with a retirement group. Actually, you should perhaps contact one before your chat.
I know in Stroudsburg there is a town retirement association that helps the retired in many ways. Leading them in the right directions.....
You will have to tell her you like your time alone, and have much to accomplish when you are at home.
It really is not your responsibility to babysit her. She seems beyond knowing of her boundries.
I wonder if she has local family that might work on this problem. It is certainly not your problem.......You have been kind enough and now she is way too needy.
You have been very sweet in doing all you have.......But now you have to get her to leave you be. Hopefully there will be an organization that will step in to visit her during the week............Crossing my fingers for you.
You need to look in the phone book and find a Department of the Aging and report this to them. If they are doing their jobs, they will investigate it and follow through and take necessary action. If you don't see any change...call again and keep calling. These people are obviously incapable of living on their own without some asistance.
Ask the lady for her daughters' phone number...tell her you want it in case of emergency and fill her daughter in. She needs to step up to the plate and take some action.
Yes, these people need help. There are buses that pick up seniors at their home for necessary shopping. They may be entitled to home health or home care services provided by the county or state of which they are unaware. They clearly can no longer live in their home without help. Make a few calls on their behalf and do try to get the number of a relative, if that's possible, so that you can inform them of the situation and they can follow up.
I have taken my invalid Mother in to live with me, and my brother moved in with my father who has advancing Alzheimer's. it is the family's responsiblity for this poor woman you are dealing with. whether they take an active role or place their parents in a facility is their choice...but in my opinion, THEY NEED TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. Try and get the number from her. If that fails (or in addition) call the county service for the aging.
The elderly woman across the street from me never had any visitors: a quiet, unassuming little sweetheart who lost her live-in daughter and was living on her own. One day she asked me to call one of her sons (she has FOUR, I discovered!!!!!) because she could not operate the stove. I was stunned to see what a wreck the house was in. And I was furious. I called the geographically closest son for her and blasted his head off (can't help it; just ballsy that way). Sorry...NO EXCUSE for that type of abandonment. It astounds me how the elderly are so often neglected by their children.
I hope you take the initiative to make one or both calls to get those responsible or the county to help. Best of luck to you.
You've gotten some great suggestions here. Gerania and Summering both suggested what I was going to say and that is to contact your local senior center and the council on the aging and get the information for her on the services they offer. Free or vastly discounted buses will pick up and take seniors to the store and the doctors office. Senior centers often offer a place to hang out and take classes for the day, plus they often provide a free hot lunch.
I would find that information out, get the phone numbers and contact people, have it all printed out and then have that cup of tea or lunch and give her that information in a positive way. Keep a copy of the information. If she calls you after that, ask her if she still has the phone number for whatever and tell her she needs to call them. Good luck.
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The whole time she is rambling on and on about how her daughter won't take her places, how lonely she is, how her granddaughter hates her, and I felt awful that she is so isolated from her family. 
To be honest, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get away from her, so I bought the groceries and booked it home.
She said she's sorry to bug me, but she really needs to run to the store quick and just got back from the ER. I'm thinking she needs pain killers or a prescription, or some bandages maybe.......NOPE she bought DELI MEAT. I was FUMING 
As we are standing there in line, she tells the lady behind the counter that I'm her daughter. I said "I'm not her daughter, I'm her neighbor". At the checkout, she is yapping to the clerk about how her real daughter is so mean to her that she adopted me, then she turns to me and says she doesn't feel good. It turns out she is diabetic and forgot to eat that day. 
