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Unread 08-07-2010, 12:24 AM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
25,455 posts, read 42,438,052 times
Reputation: 10297
Question Arlington Roommates: Why Do Women Generally Prefer Other Women?

Granted it is after 2 AM on a Saturday morning at this point, so perhaps I'm not thinking coherently, but I was just wondering if the females on our lovely sub-forum could give me some insight as to why I'm finding so many apartment-sharing ads on CraigsList in Arlington in which males have no gender preference whereas most females say "Females Only?" I'm considering sharing a 2-BR apartment in Arlington next Spring so I can be in a more walkable and sustainable living environment and have just begun to scout around a bit to see what some of the rental rates are like, and I'm a bit miffed to see so many promising units listed with ads that have that gender caveat. Have a lot of women in Arlington have negative experiences with males? Are there more lesbians in Arlington than the rest of the metropolitan area? Are women afraid that a male roommate would try to take advantage of them somehow?

I'm not trying to "stir the pot" here or anything. As a gay male who'd have no interest in making a woman feel uncomfortable as a roomie I'm just getting very irked that most males don't care about the gender of their roommate while most females seem to have a hang-up about it. It seems like straight males have less of a problem accepting a gay male as a roommate, judging from experiences with friends of mine in Arlington, than straight females have with rooming with any male. I notice that frequently down here amongst colleagues and other friends of mine that I can only name one female friend of mine who lives in an apartment with someone of the opposite gender. In most other cities a "Will and Grace" lifestyle is much more common.

What gives? Do women have an inherent fear of having a guy with a six-pack walk by them in the mornings?

 
Unread 08-07-2010, 12:27 AM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
25,455 posts, read 42,438,052 times
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Then again I did also just come across this ad, too. Why are so many people in Arlington so picky?!

Room in house for Progressive Activists - Available Now (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1884246146.html - broken link)
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 12:34 AM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
25,455 posts, read 42,438,052 times
Reputation: 10297
Here are just a few examples of what I'm coming across:

Room for Rent (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1884340354.html - broken link) "Looking to replace FEMALE roommate(easy to get along with, clean, laid back fun person) with a FEMALE."

ROOMMATE NEEDED ASAP in Beautiful condo (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1884740937.html - broken link) "Preferably FEMALE."

Women only. Furnished Room for Rent in Large House/Great Neighborhood (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1884673118.html - broken link) "WOMEN only."

Bright and Spacious 1BR/1BA, Great Location, Walk to Ballston Metro (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1884593179.html - broken link) "FEMALE only."

Great townhouse to share (2bd 2.5ba) Walk to Va Square (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1884449451.html - broken link) "Looking for FEMALE roommate."

Furnished Bedroom-All Utilities and Cable Included (http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/roo/1884326383.html - broken link) "FEMALE preferred."

Shall I continue? These were all posted yesterday (Friday) and represent a good chunk of the ads that have interested me. What gives?
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 12:38 AM
 
2,756 posts, read 4,319,681 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RestonRunner86 View Post
Are women afraid that a male roommate would try to take advantage of them somehow?
I think this is a big part of it. Also, women don't want to put themselves in an awkward situation in case a one-way crush happens.

I agree with your observations for the most part. Every female I know has only had female roommates. Some gay males I know will only room with other gay males (and not women or straight males). Others don't care.

But as for straight males, I don't know any that really care who their roommates are.

Speaking as a straight male who hates roommates, I can say I hate females, gay males, and straight males as roommates equally. LOL.
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 12:58 AM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
25,455 posts, read 42,438,052 times
Reputation: 10297
Quote:
Originally Posted by pcity View Post
I think this is a big part of it. Also, women don't want to put themselves in an awkward situation in case a one-way crush happens.

I agree with your observations for the most part. Every female I know has only had female roommates. Some gay males I know will only room with other gay males (and not women or straight males). Others don't care.

But as for straight males, I don't know any that really care who their roommates are.

Speaking as a straight male who hates roommates, I can say I hate females, gay males, and straight males as roommates equally. LOL.
I guess this is just something I hadn't really noticed until this evening (errr...morning) when I started realizing I would have to write off many promising ads because the female who posted it would only want another female. Most guys I know (including myself) don't care about your gender or sexual orientation as long as you're respectful, tidy, and, most importantly, can pay your share of the expenses. As I said I only know of one female who has a male roommate, and even then we were all college friends, so she likely trusts him (and he has a girlfriend, and she has a boyfriend). Come to think of it I think I'm the only one of my friends who is still single, but I digress. LOL!

I'm just curious to hear from the females on here for their justification. For so long women tried to work to break through that proverbial and reprehensible "glass ceiling" that was holding them back professionally and making them perceived as being inferior to males in many ways. Is this sort of "payback" for that by limiting their housing partners to fellow females? It just irks me because if I have to take one more year of living in deep suburbia I'm going to go insane, but all of the most promising leads I'm finding in Arlington are these militantly feminist females who are anti-male roomie.
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 01:06 AM
 
Location: Texas
26,065 posts, read 19,249,379 times
Reputation: 29570
I can probably tell you some reasons, but you won't like them.

1. Men (not all men, but most young men) are slobs.
2. A lot of women have parents/boyfriends/etc who would not approve.
3. A lot of women don't want their future prospective dates to be put off.
4. A lot of women don't feel safe living with a strange man.
5. Male roommate means male roommate friends coming to hang out.
6. Hog the remote
7. Pee on the floor in the bathroom.
8. Toilet seat problems.

Frankly, from most of the women I've talked to, it seems living with a guy is such a pain in the arse that the only time you'd want to do it is if you were madly in love with him/married to him. Otherwise, it's not worth the trouble.
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 01:29 AM
 
Location: Polish Hill, Pittsburgh, PA
25,455 posts, read 42,438,052 times
Reputation: 10297
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
I can probably tell you some reasons, but you won't like them.

1. Men (not all men, but most young men) are slobs.
2. A lot of women have parents/boyfriends/etc who would not approve.
3. A lot of women don't want their future prospective dates to be put off.
4. A lot of women don't feel safe living with a strange man.
5. Male roommate means male roommate friends coming to hang out.
6. Hog the remote
7. Pee on the floor in the bathroom.
8. Toilet seat problems.

Frankly, from most of the women I've talked to, it seems living with a guy is such a pain in the arse that the only time you'd want to do it is if you were madly in love with him/married to him. Otherwise, it's not worth the trouble.
Haha. I appreciate your honesty. I wouldn't say I "won't like them", but I suppose if I were a straight woman I'd take whatever responsible roommate I could find---male or female, black or white, gay or straight, etc. I see so many specific demographic requirements listed in many ads on CraigsList (such as the one seeking a liberal political activist only in an earlier reply I posted), and I can't figure out why people search for such a "niche." This is Northern Virginia. This isn't Manhattan. You're not going to find the "Sex and the City", "Friends", "Will & Grace", etc. lifestyle here in suburbia. You'd be hard-pressed to find it in The District for that matter, too.

In regards to the "personal" concerns I suppose as a single gay male who wouldn't feel "tempted" if I were to room with another single gay male I don't foresee why a single straight female should be fearful that any every single straight male would want her. I'm actually wondering if some of these ads may backfire if they unknowingly end up renting to a closeted lesbian who may then make things more uncomfortable than if the woman had just let a male---gay or straight---room with them.

A few points?

1.) Actually, this is an outdated stereotype. I have both gay and straight male friends, and, overall (believe it or not) my straight male friends tend to be tidier housekeepers than we are (sheepishly eyes dishwasher that has been waiting to be unloaded for over a day now!)

2.) By the time you reach your 20's you should stop seeking validation/approval all the time from your parents. I'm 23. If I were to live the lifestyle my parents wanted me to lead I'd be married (to a female) and living in PA right now. That's not the person I am, and it's not the person I "should" be just to make others happy. Any 20-something female who seeks approval from parents (or even a significant other) about living arrangements needs to, pardon my language, "grow a set", cut the cord, and assert her independence.

3.) I suppose I can hand this one to you. If I started seeing someone I'd feel a bit uncomfortable if my prospective suitor was in close quarters with another potential romantic adversary. I can be pretty territorial sometimes (comes with being a Scorpio I suppose), and that could cause tension. Definitely. However, straight males don't seem to consider this possibility when they room with straight females.

4.) After what I've endured earlier this year in my own life I personally don't trust many people here either, but if your financial conditions aren't rosy enough to permit you to live on your own (and, alas, as a Federal employee this is the case for me) then you have to suck it up and do what you have to do.

5.) I guess this is something I just hadn't really considered. If I were a straight male rooming with a straight female, I wouldn't mind if she had Mary-Kay parties or slumber parties to watch chick-flicks like "He's Just Not That Into You." I'd abscond into my room for the night, make myself scarce, or perhaps offer to go get them pizza or Chinese or something as a goodwill gesture and then give them their space. I suppose women would be uncomfortable if a male roommate had buds over to watch a game or to play video games or something. I don't really see why, but I guess it could be a concern.

6.) In every roommate situation I know of each roomie has their own bedroom TV in addition to a common TV in the living room (oh, we extravagant 20-somethings!) LOL! This might have been a major issue in the past but not so much in 2010.

7.) Okay. Now THAT is just gross! For what it's worth, though, I temporarily took in a female colleague of mine for a month back in June when she was going through a rough time, and while I ensured I was extra considerate I would still find tons and tons of HER hair (hopefully not of the you-know-what variety) everywhere. This is a moot point, though, since most ads I'm seeing are for 2-BR/2-BA apartments where sharing bathrooms isn't necessary. To be honest while I'm not very picky myself I wouldn't want to share my bathroom.

8.) See #7.


I dunno. Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but it seems like straight females are the only uptight ones about gender/sexual orientation with their prospective roomies. I'd have expected the only major conflict to arise anywhere in the spectrum to be straight dudes not wanting to room with a gay guy, but most of my gay friends have straight male roomies with no issue. I guess straight males aren't as vain in thinking every gay male wants them as straight women seem to be in assuming most straight males would take a pass at them (although this still wouldn't explain why they're having such resistance in phasing out the military's "Don't Ask; Don't Tell" Policy). Great. Now I'm even more confused! Haha!
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 03:39 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, NC (formerly Vienna, VA)
5,376 posts, read 4,932,595 times
Reputation: 3841
I think the biggest point is the safety aspect. I cannot imagine picking a male out of the newspaper/craigslist to live with. Women are, for the most part, at a disadvantage physically, and most crimes are committed by men.

When I lived in a group house, I knew a woman across the street who lived with 4 guys, but they were her good friends from college, and she was the type who generally hung out with guys rather than women. She ended up marrying one of the roommate's friends, so I guess there are some good points to it, but I think safety trumps all.
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 04:57 AM
 
Location: somewhere
3,667 posts, read 4,737,427 times
Reputation: 2035
RestonRunner86, why don't you place your own ad looking for a house to share?
 
Unread 08-07-2010, 05:17 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
6,230 posts, read 5,856,235 times
Reputation: 6862
I think it's a safety and comfort level thing. Most women are not as strong as men, so in any physical confrontation we're at a disadvantage. Then there's the whole having friends, FWB, and hookups coming home thing to deal with. It's just easier in most cases to share your home with another female. Best wishes.
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