Who here has ever moved with children? (fit in, apartments)

[Forehead]

This is really an in the future kind of question, but I was wondering how many of you have moved with kids and what your experience was with the process.

I have a daughter who is currently seven months old. My wife and I have discussed moving in the future (four years or so) and have targeted a few areas based on schools and commuting. The issue is whether or not we can afford to move to any of these places in that timeframe. We would almost certainly be able to afford it in two moves, but that would put my first daughter in the middle of school, who knows what grade level. We plan on having additional kids and it's likely that in two moves, they would be in school as well.

I say two moves because we're moving in four years or so regardless of whether we stay in the same area or not, our townhouse is getting pretty crowded with two adults, a baby, and two dogs, so it will either be to a larger home where we are or in one of the areas we've looked at. If we wind up having to wait two moves to change areas/counties, how do kids adjust to this?

I never really had to experience anything like that growing up. My parents divorced when I was young but they lived a mile apart, same school districts, and I didn't get uprooted from my friends. I would prefer not to uproot my own kids once they've started making friendships and forming their own social bonds. But as I said, we'd be moving them to better school districts and my commute would become much less burdensome.

My wife is more of the "kids adapt" mindset. Basically, I'm looking for stories of who has gone through this sort of thing, how the kids handled it, etc.

[CaliTerp07]

Suggest asking this on the parenting forum I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice there, unless you're asking for NoVA specific answers.

[Forehead]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

Suggest asking this on the parenting forum I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice there, unless you're asking for NoVA specific answers.

Well, while we live in the NOVA area and plan to move to another section of the NOVA area, you're probably right.

[Caladium]

I agree with CaliTerp, but FWIW when we moved from LA to Nova I had two young kids, a middle school student and a teen ager. The middle school kid had some initial problems adjusting, mostly because school was a little more challenging than it had been in LA and he missed his friends. The other three adjusted very quickly and took to Virginia right away. But that was just our experience, I think every family is different. To be honest, I think kids adjust more easily than adults.

[ShannonMilligan]

Kids totally adapt. If you don't make a big deal about it, they won't. My kids are 4 years old and we have moved 3 times already. (that doesn't include the short stays at apartments until the houses were ready) It went like this:

Moved into a house when the kids were about 1 month old. Of course no problem...too young to know.

Moved with kids into an apartment when they were 8 or 9 months old until the house was ready. Moved into the house when the kids were 14 months. No biggie. They were fine.

Moved again when the kids were 3 years old into my aunts until the house was ready. Moved into the house just as the kids turned 4. Again, no biggie. First night in the house they slept in their old beds and have ever since. Not a peep out of them.

The key is to not make it a big deal and keep them in the loop. We talked a lot about this last move. How great their new rooms will be, what colors they would like to paint their rooms, how wonderful the preschool is. We also let the kids visit the preschool on about 4 different occassions so they would get to know the place.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about the kids. Our theory is this: the kids fit into our lifestyle, we don't fit into theirs. We determine what structure we have, not them!

Good luck!

PS: Maybe if my kids were older it would be more of an issue...like if they are in school and have esablished friends. They did have one close friend this last move but we talked about it ahead of time and we have gone back for the kids b-day party, so they know they will see him again one day.

Good luck!

[Tiger Beer]

Originally Posted by Forehead

This is really an in the future kind of question, but I was wondering how many of you have moved with kids and what your experience was with the process.

I had parents who moved around A LOT when I was a kid. 18 different times, 12 different towns, and 6 different schools.

I will say this, move as much as you want BEFORE school. I always made friends quickly and easily around EVERY neighborhood that I moved to. It was being a new kid in a new school all the time that I hated. But you adjust.

I think while a kid is sixth grade or below, the move can be alright. I mean, you'll seriously miss your friends, but you haven't gotten to that critical adolescent stage yet.

But, I will say NEVER move a kid during their 4 years of High School. Yeah, my parents moved me during those years as well - including just before my Senior Year, and 20 years later, I'm still pissed about it Seriously though! Whenever I see ANY post on city-data about it, I always advise to stay put while a kid is in their last few years of High School.

However, for your case, it sounds like you are just thinking of '1 move', and since your kid isn't even a year yet. I'd say best to make the move sometime before he starts school. If you can't by that time, I don't think it will bother them too much if they are still a 'kid', but if they are an adoloscent, stay put.

[cdmurphy]

I haven't moved with kids, but I was that kid once upon a time. (And not military, either.) From K-12 I went to four elementary schools, one junior high, and three high schools - in three different states. I was terribly shy but always managed to make friends.

As for moving within NoVA - so many kids move around here, move in and out from other areas, and (here in Loudoun, anyway), move schools often because of population growth and redistricting - it's not like your kid is the only new one coming into a school at any given time. Far from it.

[irisheyes13]

We were a military family so our kids moved a lot. We only lived on base when overseas so their their typical expereince was the neighborhood school. For us, the moves were fact of life and the kids did fine.. Your family life will set the tone in most circumstances I believe. That being said, I will say that my 2 were very different kids and one enjoyed the moves more than the other and she still likes to move.. One move was while the older child was in high school and that was hard but younger kids usually adapt very well..

[Gottasay]

I have moved a ton as a kid and some as an adult with children. As far as the early years go, they should be fine. Don't make a big deal about it, like saying, "oh, I'm so worried how you will adjust to the move," etc...or talking to friends w/in earshot of your kids about your concerns. Just make sure you dive into a bunch of social activities in your new neighborhood such as church and/or sports, etc. Keep contact with extended family -- see them on a consistent basis.

That said, I would say the teen years (13 and up), are not a good time to move. Social life is tre important at that stage and your offspring may feel the loss quite deeper. He/she could spend quite a bit of time rebuilding his/her social life and making new friends, especially since teens are far more judgemental and less open. Also, their emotional unhappiness can affect their concentration and grades. The adjustment at that stage in life to a more rigorous academic curriculum, will also affect them academically.

Moving, in and of itself, is a major logistical and financial pain, so I would think long and hard about moving out of your townhome, since you only have one child. Is there a way you can declutter your house to make it feel more roomy?

[Yankeesfan]

Originally Posted by Tiger Beer

I think while a kid is sixth grade or below, the move can be alright. I mean, you'll seriously miss your friends, but you haven't gotten to that critical adolescent stage yet.

But, I will say NEVER move a kid during their 4 years of High School. Yeah, my parents moved me during those years as well - including just before my Senior Year, and 20 years later, I'm still pissed about it Seriously though! Whenever I see ANY post on city-data about it, I always advise to stay put while a kid is in their last few years of High School.

However, for your case, it sounds like you are just thinking of '1 move', and since your kid isn't even a year yet. I'd say best to make the move sometime before he starts school. If you can't by that time, I don't think it will bother them too much if they are still a 'kid', but if they are an adoloscent, stay put.

I agree with this.