"Yes ma'am" and "Yes sir" (Fairfax: how much, high school)

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by LynchburgLover

I disagree that this is the "least important aspects of your parenting experience".

The morals, values and manners that you decide to pass to your children are very important. You must decide what is important to you: sticking with the traditional or going with the flow of culture.

I'm also fascinated by the different regional idiosyncrasies -- no top sheets?

Lastly, as long as we're on etiquette, the phrase I detest is "No problem" after thanking someone for service. I feel like screaming "I know it's no problem, it's your JOB!" The correct response is 'you're welcome'.

I have to ask. What are top sheets?

[CaliTerp07]

Originally Posted by nimchimpsky

I have to ask. What are top sheets?

As opposed to fitted (bottom) sheets, I think?

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by robbobobbo

Today, since I work in a military environment (but I'm not military), I use these addresses on the telephone, but not face-to-face. I use it because it's part of the culture (I also never noticed so much door-holding for others until I worked among the military). I do not use it outside of work.

Lol I just noticed this too! I just moved back up from NC about 6 weeks ago and I realized wow, people in D.C. don't hold doors open for each other nearly as much as in the Charlotte area. I hadn't noticed that before till I had a frame of comparison. I almost feel like an idiot holding doors open for people as much as I do now, lol.

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by CaliTerp07

As opposed to fitted (bottom) sheets, I think?

What kind of sheets? Bed sheets, sheets of paper? That's what I'm confused about.

[Caladium]

Originally Posted by nimchimpsky

I almost feel like an idiot holding doors open for people as much as I do now, lol.

No no, you are not an idiot at all. You're charming a lot of people that way, especially since it's not always the norm. This is another one of those little habits that can really impress people at unexpected, advantageous times. Just make sure you hold it open for both women and men so it comes across as manners, not as sexist.

I once knew somebody who got a job because earlier in the day he offered someone a seat on the metro. Then he went to the job interview and the interviewer happened to be on the train and remembered seeing him do it.

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by Caladium

No no, you are not an idiot at all. You're charming a lot of people that way, especially since it's not always the norm. This is another one of those little habits that can really impress people at unexpected, advantageous times. Just make sure you hold it open for both women and men so it comes across as manners, not as sexist.

I once knew somebody who got a job because earlier in the day he offered someone a seat on the metro. Then he went to the job interview and the interviewer happened to be on the train and remembered seeing him do it.

Any manners I use are always across all genders. If I use sir I make sure to use ma'am too. (That one gets a lot of one-sided use here.) I hold doors open for people regardless of age, sex, etc.

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by Caladium

No no, you are not an idiot at all. You're charming a lot of people that way, especially since it's not always the norm. This is another one of those little habits that can really impress people at unexpected, advantageous times. Just make sure you hold it open for both women and men so it comes across as manners, not as sexist.

I once knew somebody who got a job because earlier in the day he offered someone a seat on the metro. Then he went to the job interview and the interviewer happened to be on the train and remembered seeing him do it.

I got a job impressing the manager completely unbeknownst to me once too so I do know the power and value in that. I just also get a lot of "wow are you holding the door open for...me?" looks too lol.

[LynchburgLover]

Originally Posted by michgc

I think you have to do what you are comfortable with. My friend from Mississippi who I met here in Vienna taught her children to say sir or ma'am. I would always hear her correcting them. (Slight aside about regional differences - one time my friend told about an encouter she had with a stranger and how he was so ugly. I was appalled that she was so shallow and was judging this person on his looks. I didn't learn until later that she meant he was acting rudely. I never heard "ugly" used in that manner, but apparently it's common "down south.")

Another related question is what do you have your children call your friends? Is it Bob and Sue? Mr. Bob and Mrs. Sue? Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith? That seems to be regional, too. My whole family are New Yorkers and all my parents' friends were "Carol and Tom; Rita and David, etc." When our family moved to Pennsylvania it was totally different - everyone was "Mr. and Mrs. Levy; Mr. and Mrs. Karp, etc." It wasn't until I became an adult that I was allowed to call them by their first name, and it was difficult to switch. I still call all of my parents' New York friends by their first names and our PA friends by their last names. We also didn't use top sheets (a New York thing?), which I'm sure would appal our Southern friends, but that's another story for a different day. ;-)

This is the quote I was referring to about "top sheets". I assume he meant bed linens -- only a fitted bottom sheet and a blanket directly on the top! Sounded odd to me.

[michgc]

I'm a she. :-) Yes, I meant sheets for the bed. My mom said everyone she knew in NYC anyway just used a bottom sheet and a duvet (although she said they were not classy enough to call it a "duvet" it was a quilt cover). When my family moved to PA (late 1960s), my mom said "what is this top sheet?" I knew some southerners would be appalled.

Back on topic, I agree with Caladium that the tone makes all the difference regardless of what you say.

Another consideration would be if you plan to move back down south. If so, it might be a good idea to enforce the "sir/ma'am" thing now so it's natural when you move back. My friend moved back to Mississippi, and she said she had to work hard to get her kids to say it even though they introduced it up here, she insisted upon it down there because it's expected.

Originally Posted by LynchburgLover

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This is the quote I was referring to about "top sheets". I assume he meant bed linens -- only a fitted bottom sheet and a blanket directly on the top! Sounded odd to me.

[phrekyos]

These words are so overused in the south that they're basically meaningless. It just sounds very "fake" or insincere to me when people use them.