Are there a lot of stay at home parents in NoVa? (insurance, condo)

[cdmurphy]

Originally Posted by Dwellington

How is it possible for anyone to be able to afford to be a stay-at-home parent in this area? The cost of living is high here (most notably home ownership). Is the full-time parent pulling in a crazy high salary? Is the family living paycheck-to-paycheck? There's at least 3 people to support (2 parents, 1 kid min.), mortgage, car payment, etc. When I look around, it doesn't look like anyone's sacrificing too much by having one nonworking stay-at-home parent. So, it would seem to me that the only way to do it would be to have one spouse as a high income earner, or be up to your eyeballs in debt--maybe both...?

The main thing for us was to buy a house using only my husband's salary to qualify (we built our house eight years ago, before the boom and bust - we had rented and saved up for four years to pay off our credit cards and to have a good down payment). He makes over twice what I was making, and his company has excellent benefits (including adoption assistance grants, which allowed us to become parents). I continued to work for another three years, then I quit my job. Aside from our mortgage, we have one low car payment (the other car is paid off). We don't carry any credit card debt. We aren't super frugal, but we were never the type of people to spend $$$ on clothes, fancy cars, etc., anyway. We save a lot in our retirement accounts and our kids' 529s. We do have a lawn service, and a cleaning service once a month. My husband travels a lot for work and I tried to keep up with stuff after our twins were born, but having that help made all the difference and honestly I don't care what it costs, I'd find a way to pay for it somehow.

[CAVA1990]

I can tell you as a parent of older kids, one of the greatest days (though perhaps also the scariest) is when they can finally drive themselves places.

[shamrock847]

Originally Posted by Dwellington

How is it possible for anyone to be able to afford to be a stay-at-home parent in this area? The cost of living is high here (most notably home ownership). Is the full-time parent pulling in a crazy high salary? Is the family living paycheck-to-paycheck? There's at least 3 people to support (2 parents, 1 kid min.), mortgage, car payment, etc. When I look around, it doesn't look like anyone's sacrificing too much by having one nonworking stay-at-home parent. So, it would seem to me that the only way to do it would be to have one spouse as a high income earner, or be up to your eyeballs in debt--maybe both...?

It's pretty easy. I know people who have given up a $60k second income without it impacting their budget because it is so expensive to have two working parents. Even with a $100k second income, you might only be clearing $2k/mo after taxes and expenses.

First, you never see probably 40% or more of what the second income earner makes due to taxes (federal, state, FICA).

Second, there is the cost of child care. Even with school age kids, there are the summers, days off, early days, and a lot of folks who need to pay for before and/or after school care. And child care for infants is really expensive.

Third, working is expensive. Commuting, wardrobe, lunches out, hiring people to do things around your house because you don't have the time too, getting take out because both parents are too tired to cook or want to spend time with their kids instead of in front of the stove...

And this isn't even including things like living in a more expensive area so both parents can have a reasonable commute.

Obviously, some people are able to adjust their work arrangements or schedules to minimize these expenses, but the bottom line is a lot of that second income is already gone before it ever hits the family budget.

[Yankeesfan]

Originally Posted by jillabean

- I am buying a house in a month! Yeah! It costs a little more than my rent (mortgage will be $2k a month and my rent right now is $1,800... but it will be worth it in the long run. Plus, the new home is closer in and I can cut out morning child care which will save me $400 a month).

Congratulations! That's wonderful. You must be really excited.

[Yankeesfan]

Originally Posted by CAVA1990

I can tell you as a parent of older kids, one of the greatest days (though perhaps also the scariest) is when they can finally drive themselves places.

Funny, I said the exact same thing to a friend about an hour ago!

[michgc]

Originally Posted by shamrock847

It's pretty easy. I know people who have given up a $60k second income without it impacting their budget because it is so expensive to have two working parents. Even with a $100k second income, you might only be clearing $2k/mo after taxes and expenses.

First, you never see probably 40% or more of what the second income earner makes due to taxes (federal, state, FICA).

Second, there is the cost of child care. Even with school age kids, there are the summers, days off, early days, and a lot of folks who need to pay for before and/or after school care. And child care for infants is really expensive.

Third, working is expensive. Commuting, wardrobe, lunches out, hiring people to do things around your house because you don't have the time too, getting take out because both parents are too tired to cook or want to spend time with their kids instead of in front of the stove...

And this isn't even including things like living in a more expensive area so both parents can have a reasonable commute.

Obviously, some people are able to adjust their work arrangements or schedules to minimize these expenses, but the bottom line is a lot of that second income is already gone before it ever hits the family budget.

I think you make a good point. When I stopped working full-time in 2001 I was making $60K. When I went back to work very part-time (10 hours per week), I mostly did it in off hours so I wasn't paying childcare. I figured out my income if I worked 24 hours/week instead and with paying childcare costs, I actually wouldn't have brought home much more than working 10 hours per week.

[OrangeFish]

Originally Posted by shamrock847

Obviously, some people are able to adjust their work arrangements or schedules to minimize these expenses

And that's just what we did.

Spouse works on Capitol Hill so the "need to cross the river" factor weighed heavily on housing location. I'm fortunate that, although I work FT, I have a flexible schedule, so even with summer camps (which we do for our kids for enrichment more than "day care") I am able to work around a mix of full-day and half-day camps. I also take most of my vacation time around my kids' school breaks (spring and winter breaks, plus summer vacation).

Having a flexible schedule (with telecommuting) is priceless! I have next-to-no dry-cleaning, a short commute (and I do not go into the office daily), and thanks to the flexibility/short commute, we don't have to do take out because parents are too tired to cook. We are also older parents, so we have the extensive work experience/history of responsibility that makes it easier to have such a valuable work arrangement.

But to the original point -- I think there is some of "the grass is always greener" view when looking at options for activities for kids. If you manage to find something that works for you, it either is so popular that you need to wake up at o' dark-thirty to get a chance to register for an open slot, or it is so unpopular that the class is canceled due to low enrollment.

[Alltheusernamesaretaken]

Originally Posted by CAVA1990

I can tell you as a parent of older kids, one of the greatest days (though perhaps also the scariest) is when they can finally drive themselves places.

I am terrified for that day!

[michgc]

Originally Posted by ChristineVA

I chuckle as I read this thread. I am NOT a stay-at-home parent and never have been. I make in the 6-figure range and, depending on overtime, so does my husband. We have:

A small/modest home in PWC that we bought in 1994. The mortgage is cheaper than most rents.

We have only one car payment and the other cars are 10 years old (both my kids are driving now so we have a few cars).

We eat out once a week. I never eat lunch out at work.

I only vacation every other year.

I carpool.

My husband drives to a certain point and bikes in so we pay no parking.

No lawn service/no housecleaner.

Oh, I could go on. Guess what? I don't feel like I have a lot of money. I don't get it. I've still never figured out the "secret" of staying home. Maybe it puts you in a better tax bracket. I don't know but I'm in awe of people who do it.

Of course, recently, I have one child in college and I *have* been able to pay for it outright. I guess that would be different if I didn't work. But even before then, I felt like I just wasn't flush with money.

Hmmm...wonder where your money is going. With two six-figure incomes and the lifestyle you describe, I would think you'd have a lot more disposable income. But maybe the taxes are doing you in. We probably make about half of what you do and live a similar lifestyle without feeling any worse off than you do. Perhaps your older children are just that much more expensive? Or maybe you have some other high expenses that we don't have. Or as someone else suggested, if taxes and commuting costs are taking a big part of the second income, I guess that might make the difference.

[Yankeesfan]

Originally Posted by michgc

Hmmm...wonder where your money is going. With two six-figure incomes and the lifestyle you describe, I would think you'd have a lot more disposable income. But maybe the taxes are doing you in. We probably make about half of what you do and live a similar lifestyle without feeling any worse off than you do. Perhaps your older children are just that much more expensive? Or maybe you have some other high expenses that we don't have. Or as someone else suggested, if taxes and commuting costs are taking a big part of the second income, I guess that might make the difference.

I was wondering the same thing. Not being critical, Christine, just kind of puzzled.