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Old 07-07-2011, 10:54 AM
 
450 posts, read 4,372,205 times
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I think it's hard when you're a married couple without kids in your early to mid-30's to make friends. We don't have a dog, either, which I know would open up ever more opportunities to meet people. We have tried so hard to make friends here in NoVA and with the exception of one friend who I made through a social group, we don't have any friends at all. We have a few acquaintances who we invite to do things but it's never been reciprocated and I don't consider them friends.

Our neighborhood is not friendly--it's the kind of neighborhood where people turn away as you drive or walk by--they don't wave at all. We have lived here a year and still don't know any of the neighbors.

Our co-workers are not interested in being friendly outside of work hours (we have asked people to do things, they are not interested). It's really hard to move somewhere where you don't know anyone. We are really lonely. Every day I think about how friendless we are and I find it very depressing.

We are still joining more groups and putting ourselves out there though. Every weekend we try a new group or do something social. But we find that people already have their friends and their social networks when they're in their 30's already, so it's hard to find people who have the time or interest to make a new friend in this age group. I have been trying to find us some volunteer opportunities but I have left messages and none of these places are calling me back, so I'm not really getting anywhere with volunteering.

I have also done many meetup.com groups but haven't found them very helpful in making friends.
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Old 07-07-2011, 11:36 AM
 
564 posts, read 1,274,435 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101 View Post
I think it's hard when you're a married couple without kids in your early to mid-30's to make friends. We don't have a dog, either, which I know would open up ever more opportunities to meet people. We have tried so hard to make friends here in NoVA and with the exception of one friend who I made through a social group, we don't have any friends at all. We have a few acquaintances who we invite to do things but it's never been reciprocated and I don't consider them friends.

Our neighborhood is not friendly--it's the kind of neighborhood where people turn away as you drive or walk by--they don't wave at all. We have lived here a year and still don't know any of the neighbors.

Our co-workers are not interested in being friendly outside of work hours (we have asked people to do things, they are not interested). It's really hard to move somewhere where you don't know anyone. We are really lonely. Every day I think about how friendless we are and I find it very depressing.

We are still joining more groups and putting ourselves out there though. Every weekend we try a new group or do something social. But we find that people already have their friends and their social networks when they're in their 30's already, so it's hard to find people who have the time or interest to make a new friend in this age group. I have been trying to find us some volunteer opportunities but I have left messages and none of these places are calling me back, so I'm not really getting anywhere with volunteering.

I have also done many meetup.com groups but haven't found them very helpful in making friends.
You kind of sound like my wife and I, except that we're in our later 20s. I think it's hard for married couples without kids...a lot of single people don't really want to hang out w/ couples, and a lot of married people have kids, so want to hang out with other couples with kids. Our neighborhood is kind of like that too, I've never met most of the neighbors. I guess maybe that's what you get in an older neighborhood in suburbia. I waved a few times to the guy next door at first, but he would just glance at me and then just keep doing whatever he was doing. I felt odd about going around introducing myself and now it's been long enough it'd be weird, lol. "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm the guy who's been living next to you for 2 years!"
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Old 07-07-2011, 11:51 AM
 
450 posts, read 4,372,205 times
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Originally Posted by scottfs View Post
You kind of sound like my wife and I, except that we're in our later 20s. I think it's hard for married couples without kids...a lot of single people don't really want to hang out w/ couples, and a lot of married people have kids, so want to hang out with other couples with kids. Our neighborhood is kind of like that too, I've never met most of the neighbors. I guess maybe that's what you get in an older neighborhood in suburbia. I waved a few times to the guy next door at first, but he would just glance at me and then just keep doing whatever he was doing. I felt odd about going around introducing myself and now it's been long enough it'd be weird, lol. "Hi, nice to meet you, I'm the guy who's been living next to you for 2 years!"
Exactly. This is the same situation we have. We're in an older neighborhood in suburbia too, and I think the neighbors are frosty because we're not part of the demographic of the neighborhood. We've just pretty much have accepted that we'll probably never be friendly with our neighbors. It just seems kind of weird to me to live next door to people you don't know at all.

What we've been doing is trying to participate actively in a variety of social groups, and lately I've been trying to find volunteer opportunities for us, without much luck. The social groups are fun and enjoyable but everyone already seems to have their set groups of friends and is too "crazy busy" to make more. My one friend in the area is always booked up 6 weeks in advance, so if I want to even schedule a lunch date I know it will be 6 weeks before we can meet up, which sucks.

I wish I could find a few female friends who have the time and room in their schedule to make new friends, or a few couple friends we could hang out with. We're nice, normal people, happily married, no drama--I don't know why we can't seem to make friends here. We've lived here 4 years already. I didn't think we'd have zero social life after 4 years of trying to meet people. It just really gets to me. We only see our families once a year so that also makes the loneliness difficult.

Last edited by Bass101; 07-07-2011 at 12:00 PM..
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Old 07-07-2011, 12:53 PM
 
Location: South South Jersey
1,652 posts, read 3,401,645 times
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Our neighbors here (in Fairfax City) do the 'looking away when eye contact is briefly made' thing, too. Usually I take the 'split-second eye contact' as an excuse for smiling and saying some generic pleasantry (to my neighbors, that is - I'm not one to do this with total strangers on the street, but I don't mind if others do and will always return the smile/greeting), but they (the neigbors, I mean) tend to look away before I have a chance. When we were first moving into our rented townhouse last summer (with my parents' help), my dad smiled and said 'hello' to a woman coming out of the house next to ours, and she completely ignored him (but not without looking briefly at him first, so she wasn't completely oblivious).

Interestingly, I recall our fellow renters (of all demographic stripes) at the Riverside complex in Huntington being *much* more friendly.. in fact, it was the norm to wish people in the elevator a 'good night' as you exited onto your floor. I attribute(d) this to Riverside's/the inner suburbs' high concentration of transplants. In many cases, it's (at least in the neighborhoods I've lived in) the old-timers (no matter their actual age) who often seem to be chary of engaging with (new) neighbors.
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:17 PM
 
Location: Huntsville, AL
616 posts, read 1,054,634 times
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Bass101 and scottfs - you two should get together. Maybe you and and your spouses can all be friends!
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Old 07-08-2011, 08:41 AM
 
Location: Herndon
139 posts, read 280,450 times
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I am almost 50. With that being said, in the last town we lived in, my husband and I did not take the time to make friends outside of work, we just did everything together (fairly newly married ). We promised ourselves that we would do a better job of meeting people and having fun now that we have relocated.

Even tho I am almost 50, I consider myself young and fun and I have participated in Bunco groups and done painting classes etc with girls from work who are almost half my age. Our son is 15 so it's almost as if he is practically grown because at that age they don't want to hang around with their parents much and we are more flexible about going out since we no longer need a sitter. So, we are in a similar category in that we really don't want to do things with couples who have to bring along small children because we have already done our time (lol)....we want grown up time.

So,as we move into our new town in "suburbia", even though we are renting in a townhouse community, we intentionally chose the section of the community that has about 15-20 townhouses that do a reverse horseshoe, which means you can't go out of your garage or onto your back deck without seeing all of your neighbors. We are hoping that this will help. We are very friendly people and will strike up a conversation with others quickly. I also plan to work on starting a Bunco group and getting involved in church and a running club and who knows what all else.

So, yes it is hard to meet new people and in some places they are very standoffish. I have found in other places that even after a 6 month to a year lapse of time, you can often strike up a genuine conversation with a neighbor and find out that they are pretty nice after all. We will not be living in a ritzy neighborhood nor is it low income...so, hopefully, it will prove fruitful for us. We shall see. Good luck.

BTW, You ladies wanna play bunco? 12 ladies are needed and twice a year the hubbies can come!
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Old 07-08-2011, 10:08 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
213 posts, read 429,367 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101 View Post
Exactly. This is the same situation we have. We're in an older neighborhood in suburbia too, and I think the neighbors are frosty because we're not part of the demographic of the neighborhood. We've just pretty much have accepted that we'll probably never be friendly with our neighbors. It just seems kind of weird to me to live next door to people you don't know at all.

What we've been doing is trying to participate actively in a variety of social groups, and lately I've been trying to find volunteer opportunities for us, without much luck. The social groups are fun and enjoyable but everyone already seems to have their set groups of friends and is too "crazy busy" to make more. My one friend in the area is always booked up 6 weeks in advance, so if I want to even schedule a lunch date I know it will be 6 weeks before we can meet up, which sucks.

I wish I could find a few female friends who have the time and room in their schedule to make new friends, or a few couple friends we could hang out with. We're nice, normal people, happily married, no drama--I don't know why we can't seem to make friends here. We've lived here 4 years already. I didn't think we'd have zero social life after 4 years of trying to meet people. It just really gets to me. We only see our families once a year so that also makes the loneliness difficult.
I also get what you and scottfs are saying. My husband and I are in our late 20's/early 30's and no kids, so we also fall in that awkward state, even though we're living in an apt complex in Alexandria. When I moved here I met up with some friends from college. My colleagues live in MD and have their own families to keep them busy, so that's not an option. I've met some female friends through meetup, but I also find that they are just too busy. It's not easy! I only wish I had more suggestions to add to this thread.
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Old 07-09-2011, 06:05 AM
 
Location: Reston, VA
2,005 posts, read 3,528,323 times
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I've met some great friends through Meet Up.
Do something, Learn something, Share something, Change something - Meetup
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Old 07-09-2011, 08:04 AM
 
Location: The South
3,887 posts, read 5,338,543 times
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I've always thought part of the problem with making friends in NoVa is that very few people see their current location as their "forever location". Many come to DC to make their career move and money with the hope/idea of someday returning to their home state. You aren't as interested in temporary friendships.

I always found joining clubs a great way to meet people -- golf club, tennis club, bicycle/hiking/kayaking, Junior League, Rotary, whatever your interest. It's always a little easier when there is a common interest.

And weird neighbors? Go figure . . . we've had them in every community.
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Old 07-09-2011, 08:20 PM
 
186 posts, read 424,453 times
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I met my group of friends when my youngest daughter was in kindergarden, we named ourselves the kindergarden moms...now our kids are going to be Jr's in college and we are all still friends...

we made sure we got together without the kids once a month....still do, we have seen each other thru thick and thin good and bad,,,marriages, divorces, babies...teen years...graduations, college searchs..empty nesting

anytime a kindergarden mom has a problem...we circle the wagons to take care of each other...
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