NBC4's Pat Collins (2014, home, school)

[Carlingtonian]

Have we had a thread about NBC4's Pat Collins before? This guy is fantastic:

Each phrase a naked paragraph.

Pregnant pause on pregnant pause.

Strings of haikus made of news.

The rumpled shirt.

The loosened tie.

Brylcreem sheen.

Like the old-school news man--

Tiny room with subtle stink

Of coffee. Cigar. Underwood ink.

Wide-cut blinds, a radiator. The last 10 years of each newspaper.

Whiskey stashed for 5PM

The leads let slip in boozy whispers

In smoky, dank policeman caverns.

I hope.

He never.

Retires.

[Caladium]

To each his own, I guess. I can't stand him because it takes him forever to get to the point and he's so dramatic it gets annoying. When he comes on I change the channel. I like News Channel 8 (sorry, I just can't get behind calling it TBD. )

[Carlingtonian]

Caladium.

He is. An acquired taste. Give him time.

And his will you be.

(OK, that sounded more like Yoda.)

Yeah, I'm bored. It's 130 degrees outside.

[gingerbreadgirl]

I love Pat Collins. The trouble is...you can't take him too seriously. I have to chuckle every time he does his dramatic delivery. (i feel guilty when he's talking about someone getting murdered though)

[yamota]

I haven't watched NBC since they screwed Conan

[JD984]

Originally Posted by Carlingtonian

Have we had a thread about NBC4's Pat Collins before? This guy is fantastic:

Each phrase a naked paragraph.

Pregnant pause on pregnant pause.

Strings of haikus made of news.

The rumpled shirt.

The loosened tie.

Brylcreem sheen.

Like the old-school news man--

Tiny room with subtle stink

Of coffee. Cigar. Underwood ink.

Wide-cut blinds, a radiator. The last 10 years of each newspaper.

Whiskey stashed for 5PM

The leads let slip in boozy whispers

In smoky, dank policeman caverns.

I hope.

He never.

Retires.

I enjoyed that - don't forget this part:

Heading home, after the broadcast.

Shirt untucked, glasses smudged.

He catches a glimpse.

The uneaten cheeseburger. In the white styrofoam box.

Beckons as it grows colder on the seat.

And shortly is devoured. Right hand to mouth.

In the car. On the familiar roads.

Leading home, not far from the studio.

"Real men eat and drive," he chuckles to himself.

Even as a now greasy hand

Slips slightly on the steering wheel.

The doctor will never know.

There are many secrets in the city.

[Carlingtonian]

Nicely done, JEB77. The continuation:

Bespectacled eyes almost fail to see

The squirrel that darts 'cross 123

Pat gasps and tries to turn the wheel--

But his grease-stained hands can no longer feel.

"That old cheeseburger with lettuce, tomaytah--I should've heeded City Data

And waited till at home to eat" goes through Pat's head as the tires screech.

But the hulk of metal careens yet on,

Nearly sending the rodent to the great beyond.

But at the final moment, he turns the old Pontiac

Into the mailbox of Lindsey Czarniak.


OK, who's next?

[brava4]

Yeah, he is somewhat annoying. I guess his "demeanor" is his "thing" but I don't care for it either. And I'm hardly interested in him "growing on me". ICK.

[Caladium]

Tonight, a squirrel is dead.

Elsewhere in the city, cheeseburgers are being eaten.

The people eating them, unaware of the squirrels.

The squirrels of DC.

Who climb up our trees.

Bringing a smile.

If you have the time.

To Look.

At Squirrels.

The squirrels who can die.

A slow.

Agonizing.

Death.

At the hands.

Of Someone.

Driving a car.

With a greasy.

Steering.

Wheel.

Was he a brave squirrel?

Beloved?

A family squirrel who was generous with his acorns?

The world will never know.

Because.

He is.

Now.

Just one more dead.

Dead.

Dead.

Squirrel.

In a city.

That has seen.

Too many squirrels.

Die.

[Carlingtonian]

Caladium, very nice. You had me laughing aloud here.
This actually sounds like him.

Shame on you, Brava, for eschewing the paramaters!
All replies must be in iambic pentameter!
Or, barring that, we'll accept free verse.
Bonus if you mention a squirrel in a hearse!