U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Virginia > Northern Virginia
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-14-2012, 10:16 AM
 
Location: New-Dentist Colony
5,740 posts, read 8,977,253 times
Reputation: 3858

Advertisements

Some really great advice here. To restate and paraphrase:
  • If you're permanently disabled, get the ball rolling to get on SSDI. Your taxes (and those of your husband, parents, etc.) have been paying into it.
  • If you are able, consider part-time, low-impact employment. (It seems like doctors' offices have a really hard time finding polite, coherent, literate office staff--especially near Ballston.)
  • Don't worry about buying a house yet; almost everyone rents at first. And buying the wrong house or going into foreclosure is by far worse than renting. Over the very long term, yes, home ownership makes more sense--but it only makes sense if a whole slew of other things are settled in your life.
  • IF your fiance is really close to getting his degree and IF getting the degree would definitely get him paid more, consider borrowing money from your folks to make that happen. (Student-loan companies are lying, evil criminal syndicates.)
  • Definitely encourage him to renegotiate his salary, based on his experience.
  • Don't hate me--but unless three of those four pets are birds or turtles, consider giving some away to others--family members, close friends, etc. The costs do add up, as Christine said. (If someone had told me 2 years ago I'd soon spend more on dog MRIs than I did on my car, I'd have laughed for days.)
  • Find careers that will pay you well to do something you enjoy doing.
  • Don't feel like DC is the only place on earth to live. Sure, there are lots of jobs here, but the costs, stress, and traffic are legendary. There are plenty of nice places in this country where the pace is slower and you can live comfortably on far less.
  • Keep your chin up. No one has their s--t together in their 20s. Don't think for a second that most of your peers are buying houses. (And of the few who are, most are doing so with their parents' help.)

Last edited by Carlingtonian; 06-14-2012 at 11:00 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-14-2012, 10:25 AM
 
2,980 posts, read 3,732,169 times
Reputation: 1651
i need to stop reading these forums. i'm going to pop a blood vessel and have an aneurysm

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 10:30 AM
 
Location: New-Dentist Colony
5,740 posts, read 8,977,253 times
Reputation: 3858
Quote:
Originally Posted by GMUAlum08 View Post
i need to stop reading these forums. i'm going to pop a blood vessel and have an aneurysm.
There there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 10:37 AM
 
7,968 posts, read 18,087,474 times
Reputation: 2597
You've received a lot of good advice. What it boils down to is that it would take an extraordinary amount of drive, figuratively and literally, for a 20something couple on one income to buy a house here within a few years. At least in Stafford County you would have relatively affordable options to rent although getting all four pets approved might be easier if dealing with a private owner than with a managed apartment complex. You could even consider looking further down in Fredericksburg/Spotsylvania County though I imagine that would make for a longer commute for your fianceé.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 10:48 AM
 
Location: DMV
10,136 posts, read 11,650,380 times
Reputation: 3181
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBennett View Post
Hi all. My fiancé and I are both 20 years old and finding it pretty impossible to afford to live around here. He works in DC making about 50k and I'm currently taking care of other things in my life and do not have a job.

We are living with his mom in Stafford and desperately want to move out, but I just can't see how it's possible. We stick to a very strict monthly budget, but at the end of the month we end up saving very little. Between his commuting costs, car payment, insurance, food, pet bills, giving money to his mom, and unexpected expenses that always come up we're lucky to be saving a few hundred bucks. My parents are still paying for most of my expenses until we get married, so right now we don't have to worry about those thankfully.

He should be getting paid about 25k more than he is, but because of his age employers won't hire him for that despite the fact that he is doing the exact same job as the rest of his team. How do other people deal with this?

We would really like to buy a house because in our minds renting is just throwing money away. The fact that we have four pets doesn't help much either. Although I'm not from around here and don't particularly like the area we're looking to stayin stafford because we cant even come close to affording anything farther north. Despite being so far out of the city the area is still fairly expensive and the homes that aren't either double wides or uninhabitable tend to start at about $225k. How can anyone afford to pay this after taxes and utilities if they're making under 80k? To get anything cheaper would make his commute absolutely unbearable.

There must be other people in their early twenties who've been underpaid due to their age. How do you all afford to live around here? Is there some big secret we're missing?
I skimmed through this thread to see how many actually addressed this and I only counted two people. Can somebody explain to me, why having 4 pets is not a HUGE issue. Do you all know how much pets cost? This is not a small deal. I know some people love their pets and consider them part of the family, but come on, having 4 pets and wanting to save money seems like an oxymoron if you ask me. I would say besides what has already been stated, if you get rid of the pets, you will be amazed at how much money that would save. To me out of everything that you listed, that seems like the one thing that is completely unnecessary. I don't agree with not having a car payment. If your fiance needs to have reliable transportation then sometimes you have to pay because sometimes you will pay just as much on maintenance for a hoop-tie as opposed to just paying a car note.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 10:56 AM
 
10,606 posts, read 12,142,848 times
Reputation: 6500
Quote:
Originally Posted by pgtitans View Post
I skimmed through this thread to see how many actually addressed this and I only counted two people. Can somebody explain to me, why having 4 pets is not a HUGE issue. Do you all know how much pets cost? This is not a small deal. I know some people love their pets and consider them part of the family, but come on, having 4 pets and wanting to save money seems like an oxymoron if you ask me. I would say besides what has already been stated, if you get rid of the pets, you will be amazed at how much money that would save. To me out of everything that you listed, that seems like the one thing that is completely unnecessary. I don't agree with not having a car payment. If your fiance needs to have reliable transportation then sometimes you have to pay because sometimes you will pay just as much on maintenance for a hoop-tie as opposed to just paying a car note.

I agree that four pets is a huge deal. My one dog is very expensive. She didn't say what type of pets she has so it could be that she has ferrets or cats or something. Dogs seem to be the big bank account breakers.

Having said that, bleeding heart that I am, I firmly believe that once you make a commitment to an animal you should see that commitment through barring any very unusual circumstances. Sure, I think it's okay to try to find a family member or trusted friend who would take them but that's as far as I think someone should go. It's cruel to the animal to pawn it off on a shelter just because you wanted to own your own home or get a better car. Cruel. Since no one is throwing them out on the street, I believe they need to see their obligation through with the animals. But, just the fact that they took on four animals at some point probably demonstrates a lack of maturity or forethought at the time that decision was made. It's a bad as my 74 year old mother in law getting a horse. Really? Horses live a long time. What do you think is going to happen to that horse when you can't take care of it or you pass away because that time will come. But, it is all about "what I want right now." But I digress...

Everyone has a differently philosophy on animals and I'm pretty rigid in my thoughts on that matter.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 11:12 AM
 
Location: DMV
10,136 posts, read 11,650,380 times
Reputation: 3181
Quote:
Originally Posted by AmyinNOVA View Post
Married young is a good idea? Its all opinion I suppose and just because a sociologist says its good doesn't mean it is ... and when you say the age of marriage is constantly rising, I'm of the opinion that this is mostly because people have started living together instead of getting married and/or people getting divorced at a young age and then remarrying later on. Just like Denmark says they have the lowest divorce rate in the world....well that's because most of the people aren't getting married (I have lived in Denmark and married a Dane so I'm not just talking out my bum)...

Also I didn't say take the whole decade to "have fun". And when I say have fun I think you might interpret that as me saying "go party, drink and act like a girl gone wild". Not what I meant at all. I meant have fun living on your own, experiencing yourself, getting into your work, learning how to be independent etc... I guess you don't enjoy being an adult? Since you say "having fun" is the exact opposite of being an adult.

I also said they could be one of the lucky ones and make it... there is nothing wrong with expressing a bit of caution to young people at 20 wanting to rush into marriage, living alone, supporting themselves and buying a home... and with the one thinking he can make more than 50k a year without a degree and years of experience in Northern VA is just a bit unrealistic to me.

When I was 20 and married... my husband who was 7 years older than me, no degree and little prospects worked at Wal Mart (I hear he still works there to this day!) and I was a secretary making about 27k a year. I didn't have a degree at the time either because I gave up a full ride to college to get married instead... cause he was totally the man for me and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and since I found him young we'd have so much time together yay! So, we couldn't afford to live in northern VA either. We ended up having to rent my parents townhouse in Warrenton and I commuted to Vienna every day. After about a year I was able to get a better job at Nextel for about 40k a year... he was only making like 8 dollars an hour. It was tough, money was tight and eventually I figured out he was not the man I thought he was and I wised up and realized I needed to divorce him.

I then went back to school and got a bachelors and later on a masters and now I make over six figures. I went straight from living with my parents into marriage and I must say that it was a hard transition and after I got divorced and was actually living by myself it was very freeing and that was when I really learned how to "be an adult" for lack of a better word and really figure out who I was. Does this apply to everyone? No... but I think its definately worth sharing to answer the OP's question and give her a picture of how things could turn out... low possibility? Maybe... but definately worth sharing a similar experience.

The other thing I can recommend is low income apartment communities. There are a lot of these complexes in Northern VA that actually require you to make 50k or less. While you don't like the idea of renting... it is certainly a viable option for you ... in the experience I shared above, before we moved into my parents townhouse we were living in an income restricted apartment in Warrenton and our rent was about 650 a month... course, that was over 10 years ago, so I'm sure the prices have changed.
I hear you but I think you are trying to project your situation on the OP. You have had a much different life experience than she has and I think it's unfair to use that as example. For stories like yours, there are stories like mine. My wife and I got married at a very young age (23 and 22, respectively) and we are going strong. Point being everybody has different experiences and I think this idea that age some how determines if someone is ready to marry is unfair. People go through different life experiences at different ages that gets to the point of being mature enough, and there isn't a set age that one should or should not marry in my opinion. I do agree though that she has to experience life herself, but who's to say that she hasn't already. I don't really even think it's fair to assess her relationship, without any of us knowing what that relationship is about. There have been some people on here that have been quick to question her relationship (not you Amy) and I think that's the problem with the older generation versus the younger generation. The assumption is being made that she doesn't know what she's doing. Well I say that is her life, but ultimately it doesn't matter because she didn't ask us for marital advice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 11:15 AM
 
Location: DMV
10,136 posts, read 11,650,380 times
Reputation: 3181
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristineVA View Post
I agree that four pets is a huge deal. My one dog is very expensive. She didn't say what type of pets she has so it could be that she has ferrets or cats or something. Dogs seem to be the big bank account breakers.

Having said that, bleeding heart that I am, I firmly believe that once you make a commitment to an animal you should see that commitment through barring any very unusual circumstances. Sure, I think it's okay to try to find a family member or trusted friend who would take them but that's as far as I think someone should go. It's cruel to the animal to pawn it off on a shelter just because you wanted to own your own home or get a better car. Cruel. Since no one is throwing them out on the street, I believe they need to see their obligation through with the animals. But, just the fact that they took on four animals at some point probably demonstrates a lack of maturity or forethought at the time that decision was made. It's a bad as my 74 year old mother in law getting a horse. Really? Horses live a long time. What do you think is going to happen to that horse when you can't take care of it or you pass away because that time will come. But, it is all about "what I want right now." But I digress...

Everyone has a differently philosophy on animals and I'm pretty rigid in my thoughts on that matter.
I can understand that. I know how sensitive people are with their pets. Perhaps asking a relative to take care of them for a few years, might be a good solution. At least hopefully she and her future husband will be in a better situation to financially afford them and they don't have to completely get rid of them. That's a big sacrifice, but when you are young and not making a lot of money there are a lot of sacrifices that have to be made to live in this area.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 11:15 AM
 
19,183 posts, read 28,384,277 times
Reputation: 4002
Don't trade dogs for cats with an expectation that cost savings are suddenly going to start piling up.

Otherwise, I agree that in taking on any pet, you are making a commitment to its proper care over its natural lifetime. Animals (including horses) however are great and some would say life-extending companions to seniors, perhaps particularly those who may have lost a spouse. But you do have to make some sort of provisions or arrangments for animals to continue receiving the care they need and deserve in the event that you are no longer able to provide it. If you can't be man or woman enough to do that, best to stay out of the picture.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-14-2012, 11:30 AM
 
7,964 posts, read 9,715,705 times
Reputation: 14019
Quote:
Originally Posted by pgtitans View Post
I skimmed through this thread to see how many actually addressed this and I only counted two people. Can somebody explain to me, why having 4 pets is not a HUGE issue. Do you all know how much pets cost? This is not a small deal. I know some people love their pets and consider them part of the family, but come on, having 4 pets and wanting to save money seems like an oxymoron if you ask me. I would say besides what has already been stated, if you get rid of the pets, you will be amazed at how much money that would save.
Absolutely. My monthly spend on my four dogs is more that a car note on a luxury car. This is no exaggeration.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristineVA View Post
Having said that, bleeding heart that I am, I firmly believe that once you make a commitment to an animal you should see that commitment through barring any very unusual circumstances.
I 100% agree with you, but they never should have made the commitment. It doesn't appear that these two have fallen on "hard times" and are trying to get back on their feet. They are trying to start out, and have chosen a very expensive burden to go along for the ride.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Options
X
Data:
Loading data...
Based on 2000-2016 data
Loading data...

123
Hide US histogram

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > U.S. Forums > Virginia > Northern Virginia
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top