Experiment: I am saying HELLO! to everyone in my apartment complex who meets my eye in NOVA (Fairfax: 2013, home)

[Old Tired Man]

I recently moved to an apartment complex in Fairfax VA. It's been interesting.

Recently retired, I wanted to give Fairfax County Virginia one more try for six months without the limitations of homeownership to tie me down to see if I can like it again with an open mind.

Generally people have three major complaints about Northern VA. (A high cost of living (no longer a concern with me), traffic (I am staying closer to home now that I don't commute) and the terrible unfriendly, cold, and egotistical people. (This is still an issue)

I decided to be more open minded about the people here in Northern VA. I am giving them the matter of the doubt. I am going to act like I am still in the mid sized town in Minnesota I grew up in and interact with everyone just like I would in Wilmar Minnesota. I am going to chat with the people at the grocery store, say hello in a friendly tone to all my neighbors as I meet their eyes, make small talk with waiters, hairdressers and people sitting next to me on the bus. I am going to attend adult education classes and chat with the other people in class. I won't expect they will become my friends but I hope they will be friendly in return. Immigrant or native born, I won't care, I am being friendly to everyone.

Will the people be as friendly to me as they were back in Wilmar Minnesota? (I go back there to visit friends and family three times a year so I know how strangers are in Wilmar in 2013)

I will report back on my progress? (Northern VA friendly retired man in his early 60s with an open mind)

[spleuchan]

NOVA has people from all over the country. So I'm guessing you will get a wide variety of responses.

[michgc]

Wasn't there a Seinfeld episode about this?

[Old Tired Man]

Originally Posted by spleuchan

NOVA has people from all over the country. So I'm guessing you will get a wide variety of responses.

You are right there are people from all over America and the world here in NOVA but somehow the culture remains the same even with the relocations.

I suspect they are a certain type of person who will leave Des Moines Iowa or Little Rock Arkansas and make the move to the DC area. Most are career orientated TYPE A, turn the world on fire, full of themselves and supremely confident in themselves and dismissive of others. If you don't fit that mold you quickly respond to the cold stares and silence you get when you try to talk to strangers or greet your neighbors or coworkers you can' help in someway and retreat into the dominant culture of the DC area.

I am going about this experiment with the perspective that I have not been burned by the people and the cold nasty social culture. I am going to find out if it is me or them. Wish me luck!

[Flamingo13]

Sigh............

[Old Tired Man]

Originally Posted by Caladium

LOL since hostility is the response you want, seems to me the odds of you getting that sort of response are about 95%.

I don't want hostility but instead a friendly repsonse and I am working hard at getting it, but so far my attempts have failed. I usually get a reply when I say hello but it is insecure and has a tone that says. "why are you talking to me, leave me alone!" Or, "What does he want from me?" Or they act like I am crazy. So sad!

[Oldhag1]

Originally Posted by Old Tired Man

I don't want hostility but instead a friendly repsonse and I am working hard at getting it, but so far my attempts have failed. I usually get a reply when I say hello but it is insecure and has a tone that says. "why are you talking to me, leave me alone!" Or, "What does he want from me?" Or they act like I am crazy. So sad!

I chatter to strangers all the time. Yesterday I talked to people in the post office line - talked to some old man about the perils of putting the wrong zip code on a package. Later I talked to some guy with a heavy accent about the difference between pie plates sizes. The day before a clerk at a store told me about her kid's best friend's mother. I smile and greet people all day long. People say hi back 90% of the time and most of the rest at least nod. Some even respond with smiles that light up their faces. Of course, they may just figure they are accommodating my culture, as I have a big old southern accent. Also, I've met lots of my neighbors, they are very nice and friendly once we've talked a few times. If you want people to be friendly all it takes is being friendly first. Some take a little longer to warm up but almost everyone will given time.

[Forehead]

Based on some of the threads you've started here, I'm sure you'll come off as a paragon of friendliness and positive energy, and not at all like a complainer.

[MSUdom5]

I can understand why some people are cautious about engaging in friendly conversation with complete strangers.

I consider myself a friendly person. I smile, wave, nod, say hello, fist bump. But one evening at Fair Oaks Mall, a couple of seemingly nice young ladies started up a conversation with my wife and me. Started out friendly, slowly started getting weird and personal, then downright scary. They were part of what seemed like some kind of feminist centric cult, and after a few minutes we were surrounded by 6 additional members. Numerous times, we said we needed to go and tried to leave, but they followed us, trying to convince us to attend a free information session. By the end of it all, two of the ladies were yelling at us. One asked my wife why "her soul was black with hate", which really upset her for the rest of evening.

While this sort of thing doesn't happen often, it does happen. I wouldn't write off someone as being "unfriendly" just because they don't actively engage the old tired men of NOVA in friendly conversation. Believe it or not, there are crazy people roaming about. It's ok (and probably smart) to be just a little cautious and reserved around strangers.

[FromGA]

In India where I come from, and I am guessing in most parts of Asia -- smiling or saying Hi to strangers is unheard of. I still remember the day 20 years ago when someone smiled at me in a mid-west supermarket, and I was asking my relatives who were with me if they knew that person.

Not sure what the OP's goal of the experiment is. But if there are people making loud noises, strewing trash etc. and/or if they actually bothered his life -- that would be a more legitimate complaint. I find the desire that others hold open doors, smile, small talk, ... to be at best odd, and at worst needy.