02-03-2011, 06:52 AM
Location: Virginia
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
South Jersey Styx
I don't have a whole giant group of friends but I do have alot of friends I can get together with for dinner, activities whatever and the one reason the relationships have remained is because (1) everyone responds (in some sort of way), and (2) everyone makes the effort to get together. And if a time/date doesn't work, we let each other know and re-schedule. Otherwise, it doesn't work and the one person who keeps making the effort just gets turned off and quits asking.
Excellent example. A big reason you have this group of friends is that you all treat each other with a common code of conduct. In this case, the common courtesy is responding to invitations instead of blowing people off. These days a quick response is so easy to make, so--like it or not--when making plans, most people insist on it (even if it's just to say "I don't know yet"). If you really want to make friends in Nova, learn to say "thanks for asking me." Those are four simple words that win you a lot of friends.
Of course, everyone has the privilege to not bother with local customs. Some people follow the beat of a different drummer. The point is
this may be the reason it's hard to make friends. Don't blame it on Northern Virginia--your own actions are what draw friends to you.
Last edited by Caladium; 02-03-2011 at 07:05 AM ..
02-03-2011, 07:28 AM
Location: among the clustered spires
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fairfax Mom
JulzRulz - we are thinking of maybe moving a little further out from snobville. Depending on my husbands job. He might be getting an offer in Stafford or up in Warrensville - Wonder which area is less snobby?
Do you mean Warrenton BTW?
Oh it's snobby out there, just a different type of snobby that they don't live near "the city" and all its perceived ills. It may, however, fit what you like.
But then again calling Fairfax "snobville" or going on about how great things are where you come from won't really endear you to your neighbors.
02-03-2011, 07:35 AM
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Caladium - I am serious - thanks for asking - I was busy yesterday but am not today - so I was able to DM you.
02-03-2011, 07:46 AM
Location: among the clustered spires
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fairfax Mom
Caladium - I am serious - thanks for asking - I was busy yesterday but am not today - so I was able to DM you.
I have nothing against there, I don't know the suburbs that way terribly well.
02-03-2011, 07:48 AM
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I guess I need to go to the general Virginia forum to ask about Warrenton. I do notice the houses are much cheaper there so I am hoping people are more laid back - maybe -
02-03-2011, 08:33 AM
Location: Richmond va
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Fairfax Mom
I guess I need to go to the general Virginia forum to ask about Warrenton. I do notice the houses are much cheaper there so I am hoping people are more laid back - maybe -
The houses are cheaper because its futher from D.C. as is the case in other places the futher west you go away from the city. Warrenton is nice and yes I would agree the people are a little more laid back, dosnt mean there arnt snobs there though.
02-03-2011, 08:36 AM
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I know - I have been pricing homes all over the place. I do think further out people are nicer - for example we rented an apartment in Stafford for awhile and I did make a couple of friends
02-03-2011, 09:26 AM
Location: In the woods
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
Caladium
Excellent example. A big reason you have this group of friends is that you all treat each other with a common code of conduct. In this case, the common courtesy is responding to invitations instead of blowing people off. These days a quick response is so easy to make, so--like it or not--when making plans, most people insist on it (even if it's just to say "I don't know yet").
Yes, very important to respond, even if it's short. Nowadays, texting 1-line makes the world of difference!
The other thing is that sometimes we (including myself) need a nudge and reminder. It's easy to become overwhelmed with the latest project at work, a kid's illness, etc. and actually
forget about responding. Because we (my friends and I) are so spread out, we always call in the morning if we plan to meet to make sure we're still on the same page.
Quote:
Of course, everyone has the privilege to not bother with local customs. . . .
Is it local custom or common courtesy? I always thought it was the latter.
02-03-2011, 10:54 AM
Location: Censorshipville...
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Unless it includes Jello or pudding, I don't really want to hear about it... lol
02-03-2011, 11:55 AM
Location: Home is where the heart is
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Quote:
Originally Posted by
South Jersey Styx
Yes, very important to respond, even if it's short. Nowadays, texting 1-line makes the world of difference!
I totally agree.
On a somewhat related note, if a party invitation says they need to know how many people are coming, that means you should let them know if you're coming. I know some people don't like commitment, but it's a matter of being considerate. The host may need to know how much food to buy.
My daughter has a horror story about this. She belongs to a meetup group and this year she decided to open up her family's thanksgiving dinner to any members of the group who didn't have other plans. The announcement was extremely clear that people needed to let her know so she could make enough food and find extra tables. There were two reminder notices that said the same thing. Four people accepted.
On Thanksgiving day an extra couple showed up. They didn't feel they needed to RSVP. They didn't even both to bring something to share. They weren't even close friends with anyone in the group (they had only been to one meeting).
They ended up having to eat on lawn chairs because there was no place else for them to sit. They griped about it, too. Lots of talk about how they had just moved from Denver and in Denver you just show up for parties and you don't need to be invited but people here are just soooooo unfriendly and it was just soooooo much better in Denver.
Oh spare me.
I used to live in Denver and people aren't that much different than they are here. Denver isn't a place where you can waltz into someone's Thanksgiving Dinner without letting the host know you're coming, either.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
South Jersey Styx
forget about responding. Because we (my friends and I) are so spread out, we always call in the morning if we plan to meet to make sure we're still on the same page.
Good solution.
When my kids were young, I found the best solution was to handle something immediately, especially if it was something that could be done quickly. For everything else, I kept a running list on the refrigerator of things I needed to do later. There's nothing wrong with forgetting a few things, but IMO if the kids have become such a distraction that you're flaking on contacting people, maybe it's not a good time to be taking on new friends and new projects. If you're that forgetful, you're likely to forget to show up for the meeting, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by
South Jersey Styx
Is it local custom or common courtesy? I always thought it was the latter.
I agree. I've lived all over the country, and this is not just a Virginia custom. It's common courtesy everywhere I've lived.
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People in Group quarters - Other workers' dormitories (%)
People in Group quarters - Crews of maritime vessels (%)
People in Group quarters - Other nonhousehold living situations (%)
People in Group quarters - Other noninstitutional group quarters (%)
Residents speaking English at home (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking English at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking Spanish at home - Foreign born (%)
Residents speaking other language at home (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Born in the United States (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Native, born elsewhere (%)
Residents speaking other language at home - Foreign born (%)
Class of Workers - Employee of private company (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed in own incorporated business (%)
Class of Workers - Private not-for-profit wage and salary workers (%)
Class of Workers - Local government workers (%)
Class of Workers - State government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Federal government workers (%)
Class of Workers - Self-employed workers in own not incorporated business and Unpaid family workers (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in houses and condos - No fuel used (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Utility gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Bottled, tank, or LP gas (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Electricity (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Fuel oil, kerosene, etc. (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Coal or coke (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Wood (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Solar energy (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - Other fuel (%)
House heating fuel used in apartments - No fuel used (%)
Armed forces status - In Armed Forces (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Veteran (%)
Armed forces status - Civilian - Nonveteran (%)
Fatal accidents locations in years 2005-2021
Fatal accidents locations in 2005
Fatal accidents locations in 2006
Fatal accidents locations in 2007
Fatal accidents locations in 2008
Fatal accidents locations in 2009
Fatal accidents locations in 2010
Fatal accidents locations in 2011
Fatal accidents locations in 2012
Fatal accidents locations in 2013
Fatal accidents locations in 2014
Fatal accidents locations in 2015
Fatal accidents locations in 2016
Fatal accidents locations in 2017
Fatal accidents locations in 2018
Fatal accidents locations in 2019
Fatal accidents locations in 2020
Fatal accidents locations in 2021
Alcohol use - People drinking some alcohol every month (%)
Alcohol use - People not drinking at all (%)
Alcohol use - Average days/month drinking alcohol
Alcohol use - Average drinks/week
Alcohol use - Average days/year people drink much
Audiometry - Average condition of hearing (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear a whisper from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - People that can hear normal voice from across a quiet room (%)
Audiometry - Ears ringing, roaring, buzzing (%)
Audiometry - Had a job exposure to loud noise (%)
Audiometry - Had off-work exposure to loud noise (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high blood pressure (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Checking blood pressure at home (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Frequently checking blood cholesterol (%)
Blood Pressure & Cholesterol - Has high cholesterol level (%)
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at supermarket/grocery store
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on food at other stores
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on eating out
Consumer Behavior - Money monthly spent on carryout/delivered foods
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at supermarket/grocery store (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on food at other stores (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on eating out (%)
Consumer Behavior - Income spent on carryout/delivered foods (%)
Current Health Status - General health condition (%)
Current Health Status - Blood donors (%)
Current Health Status - Has blood ever tested for HIV virus (%)
Current Health Status - Left-handed people (%)
Dermatology - People using sunscreen (%)
Diabetes - Diabetics (%)
Diabetes - Had a blood test for high blood sugar (%)
Diabetes - People taking insulin (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Diet health (%)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Milk product consumption (# of products/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals not home prepared (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Meals from fast food or pizza place (#/week)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Ready-to-eat foods (#/month)
Diet Behavior & Nutrition - Frozen meals/pizza (#/month)
Drug Use - People that ever used marijuana or hashish (%)
Drug Use - Ever used hard drugs (%)
Drug Use - Ever used any form of cocaine (%)
Drug Use - Ever used heroin (%)
Drug Use - Ever used methamphetamine (%)
Health Insurance - People covered by health insurance (%)
Kidney Conditions-Urology - Avg. # of times urinating at night
Medical Conditions - People with asthma (%)
Medical Conditions - People with anemia (%)
Medical Conditions - People with psoriasis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with overweight (%)
Medical Conditions - Elderly people having difficulties in thinking or remembering (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever received blood transfusion (%)
Medical Conditions - People having trouble seeing even with glass/contacts (%)
Medical Conditions - People with arthritis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with gout (%)
Medical Conditions - People with congestive heart failure (%)
Medical Conditions - People with coronary heart disease (%)
Medical Conditions - People with angina pectoris (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had heart attack (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had stroke (%)
Medical Conditions - People with emphysema (%)
Medical Conditions - People with thyroid problem (%)
Medical Conditions - People with chronic bronchitis (%)
Medical Conditions - People with any liver condition (%)
Medical Conditions - People who ever had cancer or malignancy (%)
Mental Health - People who have little interest in doing things (%)
Mental Health - People feeling down, depressed, or hopeless (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble sleeping or sleeping too much (%)
Mental Health - People feeling tired or having little energy (%)
Mental Health - People with poor appetite or overeating (%)
Mental Health - People feeling bad about themself (%)
Mental Health - People who have trouble concentrating on things (%)
Mental Health - People moving or speaking slowly or too fast (%)
Mental Health - People having thoughts they would be better off dead (%)
Oral Health - Average years since last visit a dentist
Oral Health - People embarrassed because of mouth (%)
Oral Health - People with gum disease (%)
Oral Health - General health of teeth and gums (%)
Oral Health - Average days a week using dental floss/device
Oral Health - Average days a week using mouthwash for dental problem
Oral Health - Average number of teeth
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to control insects (%)
Pesticide Use - Households using pesticides to kill weeds (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity work activities (%)
Physical Activity - People walking or bicycling (%)
Physical Activity - People doing vigorous-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - People doing moderate-intensity recreational activities (%)
Physical Activity - Average hours a day doing sedentary activities
Physical Activity - Average hours a day watching TV or videos
Physical Activity - Average hours a day using computer
Physical Functioning - People having limitations keeping them from working (%)
Physical Functioning - People limited in amount of work they can do (%)
Physical Functioning - People that need special equipment to walk (%)
Physical Functioning - People experiencing confusion/memory problems (%)
Physical Functioning - People requiring special healthcare equipment (%)
Prescription Medications - Average number of prescription medicines taking
Preventive Aspirin Use - Adults 40+ taking low-dose aspirin (%)
Reproductive Health - Vaginal deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Cesarean deliveries (%)
Reproductive Health - Deliveries resulted in a live birth (%)
Reproductive Health - Pregnancies resulted in a delivery (%)
Reproductive Health - Women breastfeeding newborns (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had a hysterectomy (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that had both ovaries removed (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever taken birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women taking birth control pills (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used Depo-Provera or injectables (%)
Reproductive Health - Women that have ever used female hormones (%)
Sexual Behavior - People 18+ that ever had sex (vaginal, anal, or oral) (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had anal sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Males 18+ that ever had any sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had vaginal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever performed oral sex on a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had anal sex with a man (%)
Sexual Behavior - Females 18+ that ever had any kind of sex with a woman (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first had sex
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female vaginal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a woman (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of woman performed oral sex on in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male anal sex partners in lifetime (males 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average age people first performed oral sex on a man (18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male oral sex partners in lifetime (18+)
Sexual Behavior - People using protection when performing oral sex (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of times people have vaginal or anal sex a year
Sexual Behavior - People having sex without condom (%)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of male vaginal sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Average number of female sex partners in lifetime (females 18+)
Sexual Behavior - Circumcised males 18+ (%)
Sleep Disorders - Average hours sleeping at night
Sleep Disorders - People that has trouble sleeping (%)
Smoking-Cigarette Use - People smoking cigarettes (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with smell (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ having problems with taste (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had wisdom teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had tonsils teeth removed (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a loss of consciousness because of a head injury (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had a broken nose or other serious injury to face or skull (%)
Taste & Smell - People 40+ that ever had two or more sinus infections (%)
Weight - Average height (inches)
Weight - Average weight (pounds)
Weight - Average BMI
Weight - People that are obese (%)
Weight - People that ever were obese (%)
Weight - People trying to lose weight (%)
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I used to live in Denver and people aren't that much different than they are here. Denver isn't a place where you can waltz into someone's Thanksgiving Dinner without letting the host know you're coming, either.
When my kids were young, I found the best solution was to handle something immediately, especially if it was something that could be done quickly. For everything else, I kept a running list on the refrigerator of things I needed to do later. There's nothing wrong with forgetting a few things, but IMO if the kids have become such a distraction that you're flaking on contacting people, maybe it's not a good time to be taking on new friends and new projects. If you're that forgetful, you're likely to forget to show up for the meeting, too. 
