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Old 02-03-2011, 06:52 AM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 31,070,580 times
Reputation: 42988

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Quote:
Originally Posted by South Jersey Styx View Post
I don't have a whole giant group of friends but I do have alot of friends I can get together with for dinner, activities whatever and the one reason the relationships have remained is because (1) everyone responds (in some sort of way), and (2) everyone makes the effort to get together. And if a time/date doesn't work, we let each other know and re-schedule. Otherwise, it doesn't work and the one person who keeps making the effort just gets turned off and quits asking.
Excellent example. A big reason you have this group of friends is that you all treat each other with a common code of conduct. In this case, the common courtesy is responding to invitations instead of blowing people off. These days a quick response is so easy to make, so--like it or not--when making plans, most people insist on it (even if it's just to say "I don't know yet"). If you really want to make friends in Nova, learn to say "thanks for asking me." Those are four simple words that win you a lot of friends.

Of course, everyone has the privilege to not bother with local customs. Some people follow the beat of a different drummer. The point is this may be the reason it's hard to make friends. Don't blame it on Northern Virginia--your own actions are what draw friends to you.

Last edited by Caladium; 02-03-2011 at 07:05 AM..

 
Old 02-03-2011, 07:28 AM
 
Location: among the clustered spires
2,380 posts, read 4,513,808 times
Reputation: 891
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairfax Mom View Post
JulzRulz - we are thinking of maybe moving a little further out from snobville. Depending on my husbands job. He might be getting an offer in Stafford or up in Warrensville - Wonder which area is less snobby?

Cladium - I messaged you!
Do you mean Warrenton BTW?

Oh it's snobby out there, just a different type of snobby that they don't live near "the city" and all its perceived ills. It may, however, fit what you like.

But then again calling Fairfax "snobville" or going on about how great things are where you come from won't really endear you to your neighbors.
 
Old 02-03-2011, 07:35 AM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,498,811 times
Reputation: 3812
Caladium - I am serious - thanks for asking - I was busy yesterday but am not today - so I was able to DM you.

I do not go on and on about how great it was where I came from - I have enough common sense not to do that.

I know I am not the only one who feels as I do as evidenced by numerous posts.

Yes, sorry I mean Warrenton - How is it there? We visited the town and it looked so nice and charming - I love all the old homes -
 
Old 02-03-2011, 07:46 AM
 
Location: among the clustered spires
2,380 posts, read 4,513,808 times
Reputation: 891
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairfax Mom View Post
Caladium - I am serious - thanks for asking - I was busy yesterday but am not today - so I was able to DM you.

I do not go on and on about how great it was where I came from - I have enough common sense not to do that.

I know I am not the only one who feels as I do as evidenced by numerous posts.

Yes, sorry I mean Warrenton - How is it there? We visited the town and it looked so nice and charming - I love all the old homes -
I have nothing against there, I don't know the suburbs that way terribly well.
 
Old 02-03-2011, 07:48 AM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,498,811 times
Reputation: 3812
I guess I need to go to the general Virginia forum to ask about Warrenton. I do notice the houses are much cheaper there so I am hoping people are more laid back - maybe -
 
Old 02-03-2011, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Richmond va
1,570 posts, read 4,616,343 times
Reputation: 671
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairfax Mom View Post
I guess I need to go to the general Virginia forum to ask about Warrenton. I do notice the houses are much cheaper there so I am hoping people are more laid back - maybe -
The houses are cheaper because its futher from D.C. as is the case in other places the futher west you go away from the city. Warrenton is nice and yes I would agree the people are a little more laid back, dosnt mean there arnt snobs there though.
 
Old 02-03-2011, 08:36 AM
 
3,650 posts, read 9,498,811 times
Reputation: 3812
I know - I have been pricing homes all over the place. I do think further out people are nicer - for example we rented an apartment in Stafford for awhile and I did make a couple of friends
 
Old 02-03-2011, 09:26 AM
 
Location: In the woods
3,315 posts, read 10,087,071 times
Reputation: 1525
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caladium View Post
Excellent example. A big reason you have this group of friends is that you all treat each other with a common code of conduct. In this case, the common courtesy is responding to invitations instead of blowing people off. These days a quick response is so easy to make, so--like it or not--when making plans, most people insist on it (even if it's just to say "I don't know yet").
Yes, very important to respond, even if it's short. Nowadays, texting 1-line makes the world of difference!

The other thing is that sometimes we (including myself) need a nudge and reminder. It's easy to become overwhelmed with the latest project at work, a kid's illness, etc. and actually forget about responding. Because we (my friends and I) are so spread out, we always call in the morning if we plan to meet to make sure we're still on the same page.

Quote:
Of course, everyone has the privilege to not bother with local customs. . . .
Is it local custom or common courtesy? I always thought it was the latter.
 
Old 02-03-2011, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Censorshipville...
4,437 posts, read 8,122,653 times
Reputation: 5011
Unless it includes Jello or pudding, I don't really want to hear about it... lol
 
Old 02-03-2011, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Home is where the heart is
15,402 posts, read 28,934,961 times
Reputation: 19090
Quote:
Originally Posted by South Jersey Styx View Post
Yes, very important to respond, even if it's short. Nowadays, texting 1-line makes the world of difference!
I totally agree.

On a somewhat related note, if a party invitation says they need to know how many people are coming, that means you should let them know if you're coming. I know some people don't like commitment, but it's a matter of being considerate. The host may need to know how much food to buy.

My daughter has a horror story about this. She belongs to a meetup group and this year she decided to open up her family's thanksgiving dinner to any members of the group who didn't have other plans. The announcement was extremely clear that people needed to let her know so she could make enough food and find extra tables. There were two reminder notices that said the same thing. Four people accepted.

On Thanksgiving day an extra couple showed up. They didn't feel they needed to RSVP. They didn't even both to bring something to share. They weren't even close friends with anyone in the group (they had only been to one meeting).

They ended up having to eat on lawn chairs because there was no place else for them to sit. They griped about it, too. Lots of talk about how they had just moved from Denver and in Denver you just show up for parties and you don't need to be invited but people here are just soooooo unfriendly and it was just soooooo much better in Denver.

Oh spare me. I used to live in Denver and people aren't that much different than they are here. Denver isn't a place where you can waltz into someone's Thanksgiving Dinner without letting the host know you're coming, either.


Quote:
Originally Posted by South Jersey Styx View Post

The other thing is that sometimes we (including myself) need a nudge and reminder. It's easy to become overwhelmed with the latest project at work, a kid's illness, etc. and actually forget about responding. Because we (my friends and I) are so spread out, we always call in the morning if we plan to meet to make sure we're still on the same page.
Good solution. When my kids were young, I found the best solution was to handle something immediately, especially if it was something that could be done quickly. For everything else, I kept a running list on the refrigerator of things I needed to do later. There's nothing wrong with forgetting a few things, but IMO if the kids have become such a distraction that you're flaking on contacting people, maybe it's not a good time to be taking on new friends and new projects. If you're that forgetful, you're likely to forget to show up for the meeting, too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by South Jersey Styx View Post
Is it local custom or common courtesy? I always thought it was the latter.
I agree. I've lived all over the country, and this is not just a Virginia custom. It's common courtesy everywhere I've lived.
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