Starting a new family: Stay in DC or move to Ashburn? (Arlington: rent, buying a house)

[Middlin]

I actually owned the condo I was living in and long story short.....I decided I would never buy a condo again. We rented a 2 bdrm condo and then when I got pregnant, we moved a little further out and bought a TH. For us, we didn't move that far from where we currently were and decided the tradeoffs were worth it. I actually got to stay home with my child for a year and half and then life intervened again and we moved really far out. That was in 2003 and when the opportunity came to move back (financially) we decided we really liked raising our son here and have decided the pros outweigh the cons.

I worked downtown for 11 years and lived in Arlington as a single person and thought in my 20's that I would NEVER want to live further than Falls Church. Funny, how time and experiences can change your view.

[Alley01]

Originally Posted by cloudguy

Thanks Alley, I have already started looking for possible apartments to buy in DC. I do want to start building some equity for that 2.5K that i'm paying in rent every month, which is part of why i also started to consider buying a SFH/TH in the suburbs. It sounds from what you are saying that quality of life is much better in the city, even if it's living in a smaller place.

For one thing, you won't be dealing with traffic and tolls. I think what I find most living in the suburbs is all the justification that people start to give based on moving out that far, but most of those people weren't city dwellers to begin with. It is one thing if you are unhappy in the city, but it sounds like you (not sure about your partner) are happy there. Why move somewhere that is more artificial to those I know in the city, and deal with the additional pressures of traffic when the suburbs don't offer what the city does? I didn't grow up in the city, my husband didn't either, but we love to go to DC because there is so much to do. Everything is walking distance or a short trip on the Metro. The metro is expanding (slowly) out here, so it may be an option in the future, but I would imagine that resale of anything in DC is going to be worth your while if you do wait and see what your living situation will be after you get married and if the metro expands to make it more worth your while. Definitely a wait and see thing. Because you don't know what your needs will be. It is such an individual thing.

[cloudguy]

Originally Posted by Middlin

I actually owned the condo I was living in and long story short.....I decided I would never buy a condo again. We rented a 2 bdrm condo and then when I got pregnant, we moved a little further out and bought a TH. For us, we didn't move that far from where we currently were and decided the tradeoffs were worth it. I actually got to stay home with my child for a year and half and then life intervened again and we moved really far out. That was in 2003 and when the opportunity came to move back (financially) we decided we really liked raising our son here and have decided the pros outweigh the cons.

I worked downtown for 11 years and lived in Arlington as a single person and thought in my 20's that I would NEVER want to live further than Falls Church. Funny, how time and experiences can change your view.

Thanks Middlin, I really appreciate the insidght. what you say about NEVER wanting to live further than Falls Church is kind of how I feel now, going in to my 30s, but I want to have realistic expectations. What were some of the pros that you saw in staying farther out than moving back?

[Middlin]

I guess my tolerance for crowds and waiting in line had a lot to do with it I live in western Prince William County and when we moved it was a financial decision. My husband had a job 5 miles from where we lived and I was working part time in Fairfax City so the commute wasn't that bad. Even when I changed jobs at age 30 from DC to Tysons and living near Tysons's my focus shifted from being so DC centric to being in the suburbs and discovered that it mattered less about where we went, it was the company you did it with. A lot of our friends moved, had kids and we spent our weekends going to parks, farms, riding bikes and having cookouts and parties with our friends. Weekends progressed to sports, community/school events and discovering what "out west" had to offer. The pace is slower here, shopping conveniences are located in one place so you don't have to drive around a lot. The schools pull from a very small geographic area and I know a TON of my neighbors and the families of the school my son attends. We have block parties and we're active in a local charitable organization. As of the 2010 census, my zip code has 70% of households with kids 18 and under. All of these things added up to staying put.


The con of course is commute time. Compared to a lot of our neighbors, we have it pretty good. My commute is typically 40 minutes and my husband is getting a job where he'll only have to commute 1 day a week.

For me, I was never a die hard city person to begin with so these transitions over the years wasn't as big a leap had I been.

I guess my advice is to be open to other possibilties. The life you know today isn't necessarily the life you will want down the road. If you want to buy and feel you can commit to at least a 5 year plan, than I think you're taking a relatively safe financial risk.

[claremarie]

I would look for a 2 BR rental in a neighborhood you enjoy and that minimizes both your commutes. You can stay there until your first child arrives and then make a more informed decision about where you want to go from there. One of you might want to stay home, or switch jobs, or you might end up with twins as your first child. A baby doesn't take up much space, doesn't go to school, and isn't looking for soccer teammates or a big yard for a swing set. After you have settled into life with a child, you will have a much better sense of how much family time you are willing to give up in a longer commute, and how much living space you really need.

[FindingZen]

Originally Posted by claremarie

I would look for a 2 BR rental in a neighborhood you enjoy and that minimizes both your commutes. You can stay there until your first child arrives and then make a more informed decision about where you want to go from there. One of you might want to stay home, or switch jobs, or you might end up with twins as your first child. A baby doesn't take up much space, doesn't go to school, and isn't looking for soccer teammates or a big yard for a swing set. After you have settled into life with a child, you will have a much better sense of how much family time you are willing to give up in a longer commute, and how much living space you really need.

^This.

"Orange Line" Arlington may be a good self-compromise. Vibrant neighborhoods, slightly more bang for your rental buck and a decent commute to DC.

[Carlingtonian]

I agree with the advice to hang tight till you're married and till any baby is at least a toddler.

That said, for when you do make that decision: Going from DC to Ashburn would be about the most extreme lifestyle change one could make in this region. The sense I get of Ashburn (mostly from this board) is that it's crowded and not really near anything; I picture an ocean of tract homes and clogged highways leading only to box stores. If I'm wrong about that, I'm sure someone will pipe up. But even then, I would bet it's a big lifestyle change from that of DC.

Someone who is used to being in DC (especially in an apartment) I think might be better suited to looking for a small house somewhere inside the Beltway--even within DC if you can find one in a decent neighborhood that isn't at an indecent price. 400-500K could get you a decent house in S. Arlington (or N. Arlington if you can find a 2BR), Falls Church, or Silver Spring, MD.

[cdmurphy]

One anecdote for you to consider: I have friends who owned a condo in DC. They had one child, and another, and even with a dog, they were somehow making it work in a 1BR. But then their first child had some developmental issues, and the D.C. Public Schools told them that his problems weren't severe enough to qualify for services (but they were severe enough to necessitate different kinds of therapy that they could not afford). They ended up moving to Fairfax County, had their child evaluated, and he qualified for free special needs preschool and home visits for speech and occupational therapy. If you are thinking of having kids, then you need to consider what you think about DCPS and/or your ability to pay for private school.

[stpickrell]

Friendship Heights is right on the MD/DC border. If you want to move further out, move further out into MARYLAND. Don't add a river crossing to an already long commute.

Bethesda, Rockville, Gaithersburg, Urbana, and even Frederick offer a multitude of options -- high-rise urban, rowhouses, small SFH, and larger SFH. All, with a few exceptions, have good to great public schools, and are readily accessible to public transit (at least MARC commuter trains.) If you're already thinking Ashburn, then Frederick IMO is not insane.

If you're open to the other end of the Red Line, something in Silver Spring that zones to Takoma or Silver Spring MS and Blair HS would work just fine too.

And even staying put is an option. The elementary schools west of the park in Wash DC are good to great. Find out what your in-bounds elementary is -- Janney, Key, Lafayette, Murch, Mann, Hyde, and a few others are GREAT. Deal and Wilson are at least worth trying at the MS/HS levels.

[tysonsengineer]

Originally Posted by cloudguy

Thanks Christine, that is actually one of my biggest fears - I've actually never lived in suburbs in my life. I like the convenience of the city, but i'm wondering if "settling down" means that i will have to move to a suburb at some point. In the same vein, I don't know what I don't know. Is there a case to be made for moving out at all? that's why i was asking what the pros would be. In other threads the comments were mostly negative about the traffic, blandness, etc.

There are ways to settle down and live in a city. Settling down doesn't have to be someone elses vision of what that means.