PLEASE HELP!! Trying to convince wife to move to NoVA (Richmond: houses, transfer)

[Kevin14606]

Please help... someone that's been through a similar situation?

I am currently living in upstate NY and have a strong possibility of a job offer for a lot more money in Northern VA. I would love to move there and take the job. However, my wife is very close with her family and is miserable every time we discuss moving. We don't yet have kids, but when we do have them, she wants them to grow up around our family, etc. I feel terrible for putting her through this and she would feel equally as bad for taking this opportunity away.

Has anyone else been through a similar situation, and if so, how did you get through it?

[alphaforcex]

Ask yourself what is more important to you?

Money? or Family?

I think you'll know the answer after you ask yourself that question.

Money can't buy happiness...

If you really really want to move, tell your wife that this is just temporary and you'll move back to where you are in a set period of time (like after you have kids and hopefully you can control that)!

[allaroundtheeast]

I was in a similar situation. When I was a teenager, we moved from Long Island where all of our family and friends were. My father transfered down to Northern Virginia for the chance to make more money. It is hard to imagine how difficult it is to travel back and forth to visit family until you actually do it for a couple of years. Also, the Northern Virginia area is extremely expensive. Make sure that the salary increase will actually make a difference when you go to try and live up here. Good luck...and make a list of pros and cons, and make sure you do some cost calculations before you make the move.

[SmallTownMomatHeart]

dont do it....she's right....

[rubytue]

Can you talk about a time frame? Like maybe 5 years? I moved to NoVA for a job, knowing I didn't not want to live in the area. My plan was to stay for 5 years, then leverage the salary and expierence elsewhere. 5 years and 4 months later (last month actually) I left for a slightly more rural, small towny-type place. Because of my high salary in DC, I was able to take the same pay elsewhere, and see a 15% increase in buying power. And the equity of my home is enough that we are looking for very nice places here. All from 5 years of suffering. And it was suffering - hour long commutes, small houses, stressfull jobs. However, it put us in a grand position now.

We, however, do not have the family thing holding us anywhere. My family live in TN and while my husband's family is in the NoVA area, they too are trasient and leaving soon (father retiring, brother is military and will be transfered soon)

[vasinger]

I cant make any good arguements for NOVA myself.

If you're a very conventional person who likes vinyl siding, The Washington Redskins, and SUVs, then its your kinda place. If you prefer more interesting , creative, and original people, try Richmond or Charlottesville.

[dullnboring]

I get the impression that your wife has never lived outside of upstate New York. If that's the case, then the unknown of living elsewhere could be frightening, but I personally think it's an experience that everyone should have, at least for a short time taking themselves out of their comfort zone, seeing what other locales have to offer. Perhaps a compromise is in order? Is it possible to convince her to come down for one year and then at year's end seeing where things stand? Maybe she'll love the area and want to set down roots. Or conversely, maybe you'll hate it and be anxious to return to New York as well. I think you should at least try it for a short period of time and see if it works for you.

[jcgad]

My husband and I grew up in Buffalo, New York. We ventured away from home and our families four years ago for more job opportunities.

Although we were initially sticker shocked and worried about commuting, isolation, and starting a family, we love Northern VA!!!

We have everything that we need in Centreville. We live in a very close and active community.

Although we wish that we could be a little closer to our families, our quality of life, the school system that our daughter will attend, and the network that we have developed is irreplacable!

Good luck!

[novanwbie]

Originally Posted by Kevin14606

Please help... someone that's been through a similar situation?

I am currently living in upstate NY and have a strong possibility of a job offer for a lot more money in Northern VA. I would love to move there and take the job. However, my wife is very close with her family and is miserable every time we discuss moving. We don't yet have kids, but when we do have them, she wants them to grow up around our family, etc. I feel terrible for putting her through this and she would feel equally as bad for taking this opportunity away.

Has anyone else been through a similar situation, and if so, how did you get through it?

I have to be perfectly honest -- I am one of those transferred wives, sounds like very similar to your situation, and I hate it here. And yes, it is a problem for us, because I feel as your wife does, and would never want to deny my husband that opportunity. Now that we're here, it's even harder, but in all honesty, we'd never make this choice again, just for the money. The lifestyle shock of moving to this area is amazing. And we miss the connections and relationships that took years and years to build. I don't know if it helps, but I do know exactly how you guys feel. If you have specifics, let me know.

[Kevin14606]

Originally Posted by novanwbie

I have to be perfectly honest -- I am one of those transferred wives, sounds like very similar to your situation, and I hate it here. And yes, it is a problem for us, because I feel as your wife does, and would never want to deny my husband that opportunity. Now that we're here, it's even harder, but in all honesty, we'd never make this choice again, just for the money. The lifestyle shock of moving to this area is amazing. And we miss the connections and relationships that took years and years to build. I don't know if it helps, but I do know exactly how you guys feel. If you have specifics, let me know.

When did you transfer and what town do you live in?