Washington Post Article is Bugging Me (Fairfax: appointed, sales, loan)

[Skapov]

Originally Posted by jml5466

I have to comment about the adoption discussion. I think people write off adoption as too expensive before they've really researched ALL the options (I'm guessing that's what the woman in the article did). There are many ways to adopt, but it does take a lot of research and hard work. Not all adoptions are expensive. I know from personal experience. Four years ago I adopted a brand new baby, right out of the hospital, and it didn't cost me anything. She was a foster/adopt child and so for the five months that it took to do the paperwork, I was being paid $20 a day to have her in my care. The lawyer fee was $1500, but the military reimbursed us for that (but it would have been covered by the foster money anyway). That means that I MADE money on the adoption (although I assure, that was NOT my motivation). For those of you who are squeamish about race (and I know there are a few because I've been the recipient of a few shocking comments), she is Hispanic and we are a white family. Anyway, we call her our miracle baby because she has been the greatest blessing of our lives.

Hmm...you appear to be lucky in that you managed to adopt a healthy infant without paying, but that's not a "typical" scenario as the average age of a foster child is around 10 y/o. In addition, roughly 35% of all foster children are Black, and most Whites who are willing to adopt Asian/Hispanics are still unwilling to adopt Black children (especially boys) due to negative sterotypes. Now some people may ask, Why don't more African Americans adopt black foster children? Well, when you're a foster parent you get paid $700-800/mo. for each child, but once you adopt that child the money STOPS (this despite the fact that some of these foster kids need extra support such as therapy/tutoring/etc.). Also, if you ADOPT as opposed to Fostering, the child may not qualify for Financial Aid to pay for college since your income will be used to determine their entitlement, despite the fact that with an older child you wouldn't have had enough time to have saved up enough to pay for college.

Black families have an average household net worth that is only 10% of White household net worth (www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2008/jan/22/john-edwards/black-and-white-family-net-worth-disparity-true/), and so this is why black children are lingering in foster care while infertile couples whine on about how hard it is to find adoptable children. Indeed, it IS hard to find adoptable newborns who are white and healthy. I would LOVE to adopt a (black) child from foster care, but financially it would be wiser to simply FOSTER the child and not to complete a full Adoption and be the "forever family".

[ChristineVA]

Originally Posted by kevinm

Some of us want to live the "American Dream". That costs money. Short-changing your dinner guests with anything less than the best makes one look "cheap". Also, some of us don't want to spend our off time being a slave to our houses. The beauty of having money is being able to spend it on the things you want such as cleaning services, yard maintenance, basic grooming. When I am not working, I want my free time occupied with things that interest ME.

kevin,

I agree with you. However, I don't care WHAT this couple says or thinks, at $150K a year, in a $550,000 home with an Acura SUV, they did not HAVE the money to live the American "dream." No one here is saying that you should not have a cleaning service, dinner parties, or even fancy cars. Just be responsible about it. $150,000 in Northern Virginia isn't enough money to give you that--not in the place and home where they were living. I think, realistically, they needed to earn about $100,000 more annually to put them in a place where they could responsibly do what they were doing. Right now, they are just wannabes hanging on by their fingernails.

[Skapov]

Originally Posted by slduvall

Nah...my husband wasn't raised that way, and I'm from a culture that says it is supposed to be shared...but alas, my husband is helpless around the house. But he does take my dd to daycare and picks her up, so I have time to clean the house before he gets home! Sweet of him isn't it! And that about sums up what he does...oh wait he does make the bed every morning...which I love. And he has been gone for a week, so I better make it before he gets back! And this is quickly digressing into bashing of the not so fair sex! no offense guys....

Well, Women get what they deserve in life if they choose to play the sucker-role. My husband does daycare pick-ups/drop-offs, he does laundry, cooking (he's quite good at that, actually), and he gives the baby a bath & really pulls his 50/50 weight around the house and with our son. Problem is, neither of us have time to mop floors, scrub toilets, and to do the *big* stuff so dishes do tend to pile up and our furniture is dusty. Anyway, I would NEVER allow myself to be taken advantage of by both working full-time at a job PLUS doing all the housework. Women need to *wake up* and demand fairness and equality at home.

[TechlawyerinPG]

Originally Posted by Samara11

Their perfume is lovely though and not overpriced if you buy from the outlet in Leesburg.

I will have to sample that some day!

Originally Posted by Skapov

Hmm...you appear to be lucky in that you managed to adopt a healthy infant without paying, but that's not a "typical" scenario as the average age of a foster child is around 10 y/o. In addition, roughly 35% of all foster children are Black, and most Whites who are willing to adopt Asian/Hispanics are still unwilling to adopt Black children (especially boys) due to negative sterotypes. Now some people may ask, Why don't more African Americans adopt black foster children? Well, when you're a foster parent you get paid $700-800/mo. for each child, but once you adopt that child the money STOPS (this despite the fact that some of these foster kids need extra support such as therapy/tutoring/etc.). Also, if you ADOPT as opposed to Fostering, the child may not qualify for Financial Aid to pay for college since your income will be used to determine their entitlement, despite the fact that with an older child you wouldn't have had enough time to have saved up enough to pay for college.

Black families have an average household net worth that is only 10% of White household net worth (www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2008/jan/22/john-edwards/black-and-white-family-net-worth-disparity-true/), and so this is why black children are lingering in foster care while infertile couples whine on about how hard it is to find adoptable children. Indeed, it IS hard to find adoptable newborns who are white and healthy. I would LOVE to adopt a child from foster care, but financially it would be wiser to simply FOSTER the child and not to complete a full Adoption and be the "forever family".

It is true that they lose a lot of state benefits. My husband works in this field as mentioned and the local government is paying for the college for those who make it...they also have staffers giving them rides back and forth from college...and staffers escorting them during spring/summer breaks to visit any relatives they may have. Once my husband told me of a colleague who escorted a foster child to the Dominican Republic (or was it Costa Rica?) so he could visit his relatives there. If old enough to be emancipated the govt takes them to buy new furniture and sets them up in an apartment...(of course until they "age out"...which by the way there is a great documentary called Aging Out...I had no idea about this). I do think that there should be sufficient well-to-do minority couples in this area to adopt more of these kids but frankly I do not know many that are having fertility issues. Frankly when I was single, I had the darndest time finding black men that hadn't had kids out of wedlock in their 20s (if not teens) already (and my husband who also had a preference for a childless woman said he equally had a hard time)....so considering the fact that so many in my culture are having kids out of wedlock earlier in life...I think there are fewer of those "late in life no kids minority couples" out there. I do know more single professional black females (Condi Rice?)who are older, single, waiting for marriage to have kids, who never found the right guy and now want to adopt on their own than I know of older minority couples that never had kids (I only know one...an atty and an engineer who met each other online in their early 40s and are looking into adoption right now).

Just another note, my husband frequently talks about the rate of kids in foster care who are having kids while in foster care. I am not sure of what the policies are there but it would seem that a lot of babies are being born into the foster care system. He said many of the kids actually want to have babies because they want to feel some sense of family (you can see some of this on this documentary...where young boys and girls in foster care link up to give each other the emotional connection they have been missing...and get intimate intentionally to have a baby). There were also situations of them being preyed on by older men (father figure issues) who knock them up and roll out. It is all very sad but anyhoo...I wonder how many of those young girls give their baby up for adoption while being a ward of the court..or if they are even able to?

[ScranBarre]

Originally Posted by Samara11

Can anyone recommend one in Loudoun?? I need a break please.

Can I be your cleaning lady?!

[Skapov]

Originally Posted by TechlawyerinPG

I will have to sample that some day!



It is true that they lose a lot of state benefits. My husband works in this field as mentioned and the local government is paying for the college for those who make it...they also have staffers giving them rides back and forth from college...and staffers escorting them during spring/summer breaks to visit any relatives they may have. Once my husband told me of a colleague who escorted a foster child to the Dominican Republic (or was it Costa Rica?) so he could visit his relatives there. If old enough to be emancipated the govt takes them to buy new furniture and sets them up in an apartment...(of course until they "age out"...which by the way there is a great documentary called Aging Out...I had no idea about this). I do think that there should be sufficient well-to-do minority couples in this area to adopt more of these kids but frankly I do not know many that are having fertility issues. Frankly when I was single, I had the darndest time finding black men that hadn't had kids out of wedlock in their 20s (if not teens) already (and my husband who also had a preference for a childless woman said he equally had a hard time)....so considering the fact that so many in my culture are having kids out of wedlock earlier in life...I think there are fewer of those "late in life no kids minority couples" out there. I do know more single professional black females (Condi Rice?)who are older, single, waiting for marriage to have kids, who never found the right guy and now want to adopt on their own than I know of older minority couples that never had kids (I only know one...an atty and an engineer who met each other online in their early 40s and are looking into adoption right now).

Just another note, my husband frequently talks about the rate of kids in foster care who are having kids while in foster care. I am not sure of what the policies are there but it would seem that a lot of babies are being born into the foster care system. He said many of the kids actually want to have babies because they want to feel some sense of family (you can see some of this on this documentary...where young boys and girls in foster care link up to give each other the emotional connection they have been missing...and get intimate intentionally to have a baby). There were also situations of them being preyed on by older men (father figure issues) who knock them up and roll out. It is all very sad but anyhoo...I wonder how many of those young girls give their baby up for adoption while being a ward of the court..or if they are even able to?

Well said, and the irony is that when a family who can AFFORD to adopt a foster child does so, the child loses so many benefits that you may end up hurting that child in the end. For example, I have the space in my home to take in a foster child, but I wouldn't have the money for a ton of afterschool/extracurricular activities, or the money to pay the whole cost of a 4yr college education, and I definitely don't have more money for daycare so I'd have to adopt an older (12+) child. In addition, you get an extra tax exemption regardless of whether it's your foster or biological or adopted child, so where's the incentive to Adopt?

Interesting insightly thread about another issue you addressed: www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/583567-too-many-single-women-their-20s.html

Fact of the matter is that MOST black and/or hispanic couples don't have fertility issues, because they tend to have kids very young! All the black women I know (90% at least) had their kids before Age 25, it's just a cultural thing that doesn't seem to be changing.

[athousandlogins]

Stacey M. Coughlin is also known by at least two other names: Stacey Kauffman, and Stacey Mendiola

While none of them are "Stacey," I also have been known as 3 different names in my life:

* My maiden name
* Firstname + First Husband's Last Name
* Firstname + Second Husband's Last Name

Alone, having a bunch of names in your file doesn't mean you're some sort of scam artist or that something fishy is going on. In my case, it just means I had the poor judgment to marry the wrong man the first time - not a smooth move, but not a crime. And really, I find it hard to believe that people would have to make stuff up in order to find a family in NoVA with poor spending habits. Though I am surprised someone admitted it in the newspaper!

[Samara11]

Originally Posted by ScranBarre

Can I be your cleaning lady?!

Haha, I would love to hire an accountant as a 'cleaning lady' . I'll pay you extra to do my taxes every year too wow, talk about killing 2 birds with one stone. And..... maybe some years down the road, you could tutor my kid in Math/Accounting too ooh, that makes it 3 birds with one stone. LOL

[nwlv]

But you never used a name similar to your own.....

[nwlv]

Originally Posted by athousandlogins

While none of them are "Stacey," I also have been known as 3 different names in my life:

* My maiden name
* Firstname + First Husband's Last Name
* Firstname + Second Husband's Last Name

Alone, having a bunch of names in your file doesn't mean you're some sort of scam artist or that something fishy is going on. In my case, it just means I had the poor judgment to marry the wrong man the first time - not a smooth move, but not a crime. And really, I find it hard to believe that people would have to make stuff up in order to find a family in NoVA with poor spending habits. Though I am surprised someone admitted it in the newspaper!

They had to make up stuff about the 8yo dealer, when the Mayor himself was a drug addict.