I'm Loving NoVA! (Springfield: to live, restaurants, groceries)
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Its refreshing to read of your views of NoVa. You certainly have an imagination that brings some color to your experiences. It is interesting that
you are finding the people there haven't forgotten they are human and not
robots. My impression of NoVa has always been a gigantic parking lot of very
busy government and military people. Alexandria is my favorite place because of the waterfront and the brick sidewalks. Its too bad so many people who visit DC bypass Alexandria and miss the most important history lesson. Definately go over to DC in the Dupont Circle/Conneciticut Avenue area. The area is full of creative energetic people such as yourself! Enjoy!
Overall I'm really liking it here in NoVA much more than I did back "home." I will maintain these few criticisms though to pepper an otherwise glowing review of the region because people considering moving here SHOULD know some "flip" things about the region as well.
On average, people here in NoVA claim to be "too stressed" and "too busy" even to just say good morning to a passer-by on the sidewalk. Most of the friends I've made work for the government and work no more than 40-50 hours per week with commute times of, on average, 30-minutes each way. I'm sure there are most certainly exceptions, but it's a crock to imply that the reason why so many put up a cold facade here with strangers is because they're "too busy." I think some of you should read up on the "Seattle Freeze" discussion on the Seattle sub-forum to get a better understanding of what I'm talking about. While society in general seems to be distancing itself further and further away from reaching out to one another, this is most pronounced in certain areas, with Seattle and NoVA being two of them.
For what it's worth I went running again today for several miles all around Reston, and perhaps some more people "lurk" on City-Data than I had originally anticipated because today about 75% of the people whom I smiled to and said "how ya doin?" as I passed gave some sort of smile/reply back to me, which I truly appreciated. I even had one older woman (probably late-60s) get completely caught off guard as I greeted her as I ran along Fairway Drive near the tennis courts, as if she wasn't expecting someone to greet her. I even greeted the Hispanic man who waves the "Fairway Apartments" sign around and around at the intersection of North Shore & Temporary, and even though he seemed pre-occupied he gave me the FRIENDLIEST response back out of anyone.
Hopefully after a few weeks of me being this outgoing others in Reston will also become more conscientious about the strangers around them. As I said I always view a stranger as a potential friend you have yet to meet. I guess that might be the "inner-bumpkin" inside of me rearing its head, but I don't see what's so callous about trying to be nice. "Too busy" for idle chat-chat might be reasonable, but "too busy" to return a polite greeting someone bestows to you on the sidewalk is NOT excusable when it takes all of two seconds to smile and say "Hi."
I went grocery shopping the other day and saw an older gentleman half sitting/half leaning on a cart rack out in the parking lot. His bag of groceries was on the ground. He looked as though he could have been waiting for someone to come out of one of the stores (better to wait outside than in a hot car). He seemed fine, but I couldn't be sure. So, without making a fuss, I asked "Are you o.k.?" as I walked past him. He said he was and I continued on past him.
Anyone observing from a distance could have assumed that I just blew right by him...
I went grocery shopping the other day and saw an older gentleman half sitting/half leaning on a cart rack out in the parking lot. His bag of groceries was on the ground. He looked as though he could have been waiting for someone to come out of one of the stores (better to wait outside than in a hot car). He seemed fine, but I couldn't be sure. So, without making a fuss, I asked "Are you o.k.?" as I walked past him. He said he was and I continued on past him.
Anyone observing from a distance could have assumed that I just blew right by him, that I just didn't care...
Rep points from me for doing the RIGHT thing. I'm sure if you had passed by that man and later learned that he had been in a stage of cardiac arrest you would have probably felt terribly. That's the way I look at things. How would it feel if I was in a situation of distress in a public place and everyone just ignored me in order to text message, fiddle with their iPod, talk on their cell phones, etc.
I've watched a show that was on ABC at 10 PM on Tuesday nights, and I think it was called "What Would YOU Do?" In it they set people in public places up with different often times difficult ethical/moral situations and analyze how they'd react. Sometimes they'll show a person acting as a customer visibly berating and/or belittling a store/restaurant employee and see if any other patrons come to the aid of the employee. Sometimes they'll put the shoe on the other foot and have the employee being the one acting errantly to see if customers rally behind their fellow patron. One particular case, however, still sticks out in my mind. It was about a man who was pretending to be a homeless African-American man and lying on the street in Newark, NJ, appearing to be unconscious. Dozens of people walked around him, too engaged in their own worlds to care. Finally I was touched when another homeless woman walked by, stopped and tried to render aid. She tried flagging people down who had cell phones to call 911 to help this complete stranger, and, amazingly most just pushed by her. Finally one woman stopped and proceeded to try to call for help with her cell phone. I was touched by this LOYALTY this woman had for a complete stranger, refusing to leave his side until someone else FINALLY gave her the time of day to help out. If that man weren't an "actor" and had instead been in a later stage of cardiac arrest he'd have been long dead by the time someone FINALLY tried to help. Since seeing that episode I'm a changed person (who says telvision isn't good for anything?! LMAO!)
I always hold doors for people, and thank them when they hold doors for me. I smile at people, I respond when they strike up a conversation in the checkout line, I give people directions cheerfully (for some reason, I get asked "how do I get to..." so often!), and if I see someone looking lost who needs assistance, I'm quick to offer it.
But you know what? I don't like it when strangers chat with me. I don't like it when people say hello on the sidewalk or on the trail, I don't like making small talk at the grocery store. It has nothing to do with money, since I don't have any, or self-importance (I'm a SAHM, I'm barely a rung above homeless person on the NoVA social totem pole, and I know it). I just like to have some freaking space and alone time. This does not automatically mean I'm going to let an old lady get run over by a car, or that I want all of society except my precious self to go down in flames, or something. Some people are introverts. Extroverts might be energized by a lot of social interaction, and whoop-de-doo for them, but for introverts it can be exhausting. It can drain us. If I don't have quiet time to myself (and Lord knows, I don't get it at home - so goes being the mother of small children), I'm a bear by the end of the day. And if that one bit of quiet time I get is contemplating the cheese selection at Giant, then I'm not ashamed to admit I don't feel like talking through it just because some extrovert feels like pushing himself on me.
I've watched a show that was on ABC at 10 PM on Tuesday nights, and I think it was called "What Would YOU Do?" In it they set people in public places up with different often times difficult ethical/moral situations and analyze how they'd react. Sometimes they'll show a person acting as a customer visibly berating and/or belittling a store/restaurant employee and see if any other patrons come to the aid of the employee. Sometimes they'll put the shoe on the other foot and have the employee being the one acting errantly to see if customers rally behind their fellow patron. One particular case, however, still sticks out in my mind. It was about a man who was pretending to be a homeless African-American man and lying on the street in Newark, NJ, appearing to be unconscious. Dozens of people walked around him, too engaged in their own worlds to care. Finally I was touched when another homeless woman walked by, stopped and tried to render aid. She tried flagging people down who had cell phones to call 911 to help this complete stranger, and, amazingly most just pushed by her. Finally one woman stopped and proceeded to try to call for help with her cell phone. I was touched by this LOYALTY this woman had for a complete stranger, refusing to leave his side until someone else FINALLY gave her the time of day to help out. If that man weren't an "actor" and had instead been in a later stage of cardiac arrest he'd have been long dead by the time someone FINALLY tried to help. Since seeing that episode I'm a changed person (who says telvision isn't good for anything?! LMAO!)
What's new or surprising about this? There's even a name for it....the "bystander effect".
But you know what? I don't like it when strangers chat with me. I don't like it when people say hello on the sidewalk or on the trail, I don't like making small talk at the grocery store. It has nothing to do with money, since I don't have any, or self-importance (I'm a SAHM, I'm barely a rung above homeless person on the NoVA social totem pole, and I know it). I just like to have some freaking space and alone time. This does not automatically mean I'm going to let an old lady get run over by a car, or that I want all of society except my precious self to go down in flames, or something. Some people are introverts. Extroverts might be energized by a lot of social interaction, and whoop-de-doo for them, but for introverts it can be exhausting. It can drain us. If I don't have quiet time to myself (and Lord knows, I don't get it at home - so goes being the mother of small children), I'm a bear by the end of the day. And if that one bit of quiet time I get is contemplating the cheese selection at Giant, then I'm not ashamed to admit I don't feel like talking through it just because some extrovert feels like pushing himself on me.
Woot! Introverts unite! It does kind of bother me that some extroverts want everyone to be just like them.
As I've said in other threads, I don't see the point in small talk. If someone needs directions or something, I'll help them get exactly where they're going. I also don't have a problem with a smile and nod passing people on the trail or a sidewalk. But if someone wants to start a random conversation about the weather while I'm in Giant, I'll feel awkward and probably just nod or say "yeah". It's just an uncomfortable situation.
I always hold doors for people, and thank them when they hold doors for me. I smile at people, I respond when they strike up a conversation in the checkout line, I give people directions cheerfully (for some reason, I get asked "how do I get to..." so often!), and if I see someone looking lost who needs assistance, I'm quick to offer it.
But you know what? I don't like it when strangers chat with me. I don't like it when people say hello on the sidewalk or on the trail, I don't like making small talk at the grocery store. It has nothing to do with money, since I don't have any, or self-importance (I'm a SAHM, I'm barely a rung above homeless person on the NoVA social totem pole, and I know it). I just like to have some freaking space and alone time. This does not automatically mean I'm going to let an old lady get run over by a car, or that I want all of society except my precious self to go down in flames, or something. Some people are introverts. Extroverts might be energized by a lot of social interaction, and whoop-de-doo for them, but for introverts it can be exhausting. It can drain us. If I don't have quiet time to myself (and Lord knows, I don't get it at home - so goes being the mother of small children), I'm a bear by the end of the day. And if that one bit of quiet time I get is contemplating the cheese selection at Giant, then I'm not ashamed to admit I don't feel like talking through it just because some extrovert feels like pushing himself on me.
OMG!!! Is there a standing ovation smilie here. That is EXACTLY what I was thinking about 2 pages ago and just couldn't put into words.
Truly, I AM AN INTROVERT. I am. But I'm very friendly. I have lots of friends and, when I'm in one of my outgoing moods, I can enjoy random conversations with strangers, but not always.
You are so right in that having to do some of the "extrovert stranger" stuff is stressful for me and is tiring. I think it is funny that extroverts can never empathize with introverts, but we introverts seem to always understand the extroverts. It does get exhaustingl
I suppose I just didn't expect society to suck so much.
So Scran, what would you do if you witnessed an armed attack on a stranger?
It's hard to say what one would do until faced with it....but I would like to think that I'd do SOMETHING...
Closest I've come (since my brief stint in the 70's as an Arlington cop) was when I intervened in a dog attack. I was driving my school bus and saw a big dog jump this old couple who were walking down a neighborhood street. I could see he wasn't playing so I stopped the bus, got out, and kicked that dog's arse. (Fortunately, I had no students on the bus....we can't leave the bus for any reason if there are)
I always hold doors for people, and thank them when they hold doors for me. I smile at people, I respond when they strike up a conversation in the checkout line, I give people directions cheerfully (for some reason, I get asked "how do I get to..." so often!), and if I see someone looking lost who needs assistance, I'm quick to offer it.
But you know what? I don't like it when strangers chat with me. I don't like it when people say hello on the sidewalk or on the trail, I don't like making small talk at the grocery store. It has nothing to do with money, since I don't have any, or self-importance (I'm a SAHM, I'm barely a rung above homeless person on the NoVA social totem pole, and I know it). I just like to have some freaking space and alone time. This does not automatically mean I'm going to let an old lady get run over by a car, or that I want all of society except my precious self to go down in flames, or something. Some people are introverts. Extroverts might be energized by a lot of social interaction, and whoop-de-doo for them, but for introverts it can be exhausting. It can drain us. If I don't have quiet time to myself (and Lord knows, I don't get it at home - so goes being the mother of small children), I'm a bear by the end of the day. And if that one bit of quiet time I get is contemplating the cheese selection at Giant, then I'm not ashamed to admit I don't feel like talking through it just because some extrovert feels like pushing himself on me.
thank you! that's exactly what i've been trying to get across! i am far from a rude person and feel exactly the same way you do.
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