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Try not to let yourself get too down. It's always an adjustment when you move to a new place and don't know anyone. Sadness and frustration are to be expected. Just have faith that things will improve in time - maybe even tomorrow - you just never know! But what you're feeling is completely normal. I totally felt isolated and lonely when we moved because my husband's new job required him to travel so here I was by myself in a new city alone for days at a time finding my way around. Believe me, I longed for the life and town I knew! But once we'd been here a while and I got to know the area and used to being someplace new (when it wasn't so "new" anymore) I felt much better and could appreciate everything the DC area has to offer.
Now, that said, if you think that the way you feel is a bigger problem than this, certainly seek some kind of help. Otherwise, maybe spend some time looking around to see if another area would be a better fit for you when your current lease is up. Arlington in the Rosslyn-Ballston corridor might be a better fit since there are more single young people and many social places (restaurants, bookstores, etc.) within walking distance.
And don't feel like because this is a holiday weekend that you're the only one doing nothing (if you're doing nothing, that is). I'm standing here typing this in my kitchen so no big excitement around here. I did just make Rice Krispy treats, though...
Ashburnite as someone who is moving to the area in about 2 weeks not knowing anyone, I can definatly apprecate the feedback you've given to this post. I know without a doubt I will be lonely and down for the first few months (just like I was when I moved to where I am now 2 years ago). But I know that in time I will make it my home just like I made this area home. The truth is life is so too short to hold back and I feel moving to Nova will better my career and give me tremendous oppourtunity that I wont get in my present location. I love reading about people who are going through or have gone through what I am about to go through because its good to know your not alone in this. And btw I am having a lazy weekend as well nothing exciting at all. I opted not to go home this weekend because of all the upcomming move stuff I will be doing soon.. Now is my time to relax!! (and start packing.. I guess). Hope everyone has a good weekend. mmmmmmm... rice crispies!! And Scannbarre.. Hang in there man things will get better in time.
And don't feel like because this is a holiday weekend that you're the only one doing nothing (if you're doing nothing, that is). I'm standing here typing this in my kitchen so no big excitement around here. I did just make Rice Krispy treats, though...
Pass one of those over here!
My husband went to Austin this weekend to see a good friend of ours get married. But I had to stay home with the kids, because we have no overnight child care. This is the HUGE downside to having our families all hundreds of miles away.
Anyway, so my holiday weekend has been dull, dull, dull. My infant and toddler sons, much as I love them, aren't quite the same as adult companionship. And I'm so bummed to miss that wedding. Just because a person likes it here doesn't mean life's all rainbows and unicorns all the time
ScranBarre....You have much to learn. I lived in Northern Va. back in the 70s and 80s. (Damn I miss them days) and was down there recently visiting an old friend. If you think it's bad there, then you should take some time to compare it to other places. Compare JOBS...Income...Things to do...Taxes and so on. Believe me, Sitting here in the Hudson Valley Area of New York I can tell you that Northern Virginia is A-OK!.... TONS of jobs there. Here....SQUAT!! ZIP!! NADA!! ZERO!! And I can assure you that NOVA is a MILLION times better than Scranton - Wilkes areas of Pa. (Talk about a run down dump) You just need to STOP looking so hard for perfection. Trust me....When you least expect it, it will all come your way. Heck, I STILL want to move back down there and in 2 years, I probably will. My son is a Junior this year in H.S. and I can't take him out now. Anyway, good luck to you.
Try not to let yourself get too down. It's always an adjustment when you move to a new place and don't know anyone. Sadness and frustration are to be expected. Just have faith that things will improve in time - maybe even tomorrow - you just never know!
I agree! I moved here just as the DC Sniper started shooting strangers on the street and every house I tried to buy had five other people trying to buy it too! Things have definatly improved and after seven years I'm not thinking of myself as a newcomer any more.
My standout memory of how difficult it was for me when we first moved here is when I ventured out with the car. For some reason I was on Lee Highway in the Falls Church area (and was a little lost) and decided to stop at the Safeway and get some cash from the machine. The cash machine took my card for some unknown reason and it was like the last straw. I ended up driving to my husband's office near 7 corners in tears. Kind of an embarrassing way for his co-workers to meet me. If I count back the years I must have been 29 at the time.
Even at the grocery store it felt weird. I was at the Giant in Bailey's Crossroads and was writing a check. The cashier asked if I had a membership card and I said no (back then grocery membership cards were not as common, and in fact I had never heard of them in Dallas). He asked if I was going to "be here long" and I was like "here at the store?" and he said that in this area because so many people are only here temporarily they don't bother getting a card but it would make check writing easier. That store also didn't allow you to take the carts into the parking lot to your car, so that seemed weird to me, too. 'You mean I leave all my stuff in front of the store, go get my car, and drive up to get it? What if somebody takes it?' Ahhh... the differences geographical locations can make.
So it seems no matter how old you are when you transplant, it takes it toll. After a couple of months I got a job and life got back to normal.
P.S. - Later on when I would go to that Safeway I always gave the cash machine a dirty look.
I couldn't answer this poll because there wasn't a "sometimes" or "yes, considering the alternatives" option.
If I only had Fairfax County (or PW, or Loudoun) to consider, I would definitely say "No". I was not happy living in Ffx Co as an adult, and I wasn't particularly happy in Ffx Co as a kid/teenager, compared to my former life in small-town NC. I hate sprawl, I hate subdivisions, I hate having to get places on twisty roads (a non-grid system) that fill up with traffic. When people on this forum say they're relocating here, and a chorus goes up of "you'll love Burke/Vienna/Springfield" etc, I think to myself, maybe they will, but to me those places were like a living death.
That's why I was happiest in Arlington, then DC, and now rather happy in Alexandria City. If I didn't have wanderlust from living in this area since 1975, I'd say I'd be perfectly happy to stay where I am.
When I look at other parts of the USA, I really can't say anyplace else would be better than DC. And by DC, I mean the actual city, not Reston. Why are you in Reston? (haven't read all your prior posts)
If I only had Fairfax County (or PW, or Loudoun) to consider, I would definitely say "No". .. When people on this forum say they're relocating here, and a chorus goes up of "you'll love Burke/Vienna/Springfield" etc, I think to myself, maybe they will, but to me those places were like a living death.
I have to agree with this. There are some reasons to be happy in certain parts of NOVA and other reasons to despise them by others. All depends what you're looking for.
Evidently, ScranBarre, you are searching for something that is elusive for now. Have you figured out quite what *it* is? I believe that part of this frustration is the struggle to figure it out, and at the same time, acceptance of your current place, space and time.
I also agree with others to give it some time, at least one year. I also agree with meeting friends and colleagues who enjoy the same things as you do--not just people who to hang out with, but people who can have stimulating and fun discussions with and good friends who will be supportive of you. They are there; just takes time to meet them. And, remember: you have to be a good friend in order to make good friends. Also, isn't there an old saying related to this that goes: "It is not the place. It is the person."
I lived in DC, then NOVA (Loudoun Co) for nearly 20 years. I moved about a year ago and plan to move back to NOVA, actually historic Winchester VA where you have visited. Sure, there are plenty of negatives about NOVA but you'll find that anywhere. But one reason for returning to the area is that I have terrific great friends who call and/or email me every day.
BTW, if you feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed or whatever, visit a doctor and talk to someone. It happens to the best of us. Best of luck to you!
If cost is a problem, you might want to see if any of the local universities have low-cost therapy available through their psychology departments. You could be seen by a doctoral student who is learning the ropes, supervised by faculty of course. My husband did this at UMD and found it very helpful. It was like $10/visit.
Since he works for the government he can get free counseling through the Employee Assistance Program. They'll do all kinds of counseling, including issues regarding career path, dissatisfaction, etc.
Regarding the original question, give it at least a year, like people say. Moving to a new area is tough, and you'll have lots of ups and downs. Think about what you really want, and then think about possible solutions in the area. For example, is it more important to you to live further out in a larger apartment, or live in an area like Arlington in a smaller studio or with a roommate? As nice as it is, I'd hate living way out in the 'burbs (and in my jaded mind, anything futher than Arlington or Alexandria is "way out"), it's just not me. I gave up space and some privacy, but haven't regretted it for a minute. Also, don't get so hung up on money. Yes, it's expensive, but you're not the only one. I work for the government and am only a year or so ahead of you, so I know exactly what sort of budget you're dealing with. My advice would be to suck it up and move out of Reston. Look for a place in Arlington that's a mile or so away from a Metro station, so it's fairly easy to get to the Metro and exciting areas, but not quite as expensive. Give it a shot, and if you still can't stand it you'll at least have two years of significant experience under your belt.
I've been here over 2 years, love the area, and have found myself incredibly homesick for Philadephia the past several months. Sometimes, it just happens and is usually grass-is-greener syndrome in my case.
It could help to talk to someone (professional or just a friend). Try to think about and answer questions like: Why did you move here? Why did you want to leave where you were? Think up some pros/cons and figure out how important each of those points are to you. For a lot of things you seem to want, Reston doesn't have it. However, that doesn't mean that NoVA as a whole is a bad fit. Investigate other options and see what you come up with.
I've made some long distance moves the past few years up and down the east coast. From my experience and from advice from friends and family, it usually takes at least 6 months to feel okay in a new location. After about a year, it starts to feel more friendly/ "homelike", after a couple years it'll feel like you could make a home there.
You really can't expect to just up and move to a new city in a new region away from friends and family and expect life to be perfect. I'll be making the move from Roanoke to the DC area in the next few weeks. I do agree with a lot of the previous posters that you need to put yourself in a position where you'll meet friends and people who have a similar frame of mind. You're in suburbia--the land of the family man. YOU are not looking for a "family lifestyle, schools, kids, ect" so get the heck outta there!! Make a move to the city where you can more easily EMBRACE the culture that DC has to offer (museums, mass transportation, young people not looking to raise a family yet or at all). Honestly, who wants to drive from Reston to DC after work to enjoy a little city culture? Not gonna happen, you're going to get out, feel tired, not want to deal with traffic and the hassle of getting downtown, so you go back to your apartment and settle in alone with some city-data. But if you were in the city you could walk down the street to a coffee shop, deli, bar, shop, park, theater, museum or whatever and then walk back.
Money factors are a big issue, but they affect the entire DC metro. You can find a couple like minded roomates on craigslist and live in a million dollar rowhouse in a great part of the city for $700+, or you can rent a crummy 1bd apartment an hour away from the city for $700+ and be surrounded by families.
Save up 10k a year by living with roomates and cutting costs. Do that for about 3 or 4 years and you'll have a nice little nestegg to buy something. Either a condo in the city or a decent home on the outskirts.
Adopt a pet. Theyre a big responsibility but are a great companion and can actually help you meet people pretty easily at a dog park, or even just walking down the street.
Take up a hobby. I seem to remember seeing a photo thread you did of old town. Those were some good pics. Why not travel around nova and dc and take more picture. It can be very therapeutic and its a great way to see the sites!
I can understand the lure of going back to where you came from where your friends and family are. But its always refreshing to branch out and be independent. It'll serve you better in the long run.
If you're planning on looking at jobs in just another city somewhere you'll go through the same things all over again. A city is a city, some just have more or less things to offer. DC just happens to be my favorite. Good luck.
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And Scannbarre.. Hang in there man things will get better in time.
