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Old 10-16-2009, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Northwestern VA
982 posts, read 3,108,654 times
Reputation: 560

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It's not just you. There are a lot of people here who are just plain rude. I was raised to speak with people I encounter when I'm taking walks, holding a door for...whatever. I say hello and some people look at me like I pulled a gun on them. What really gets under my skin are the rude $%&&'s who don't say THANK YOU when you hold a door for them, help them with their bags, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dlumpen View Post
People's antisocial behavior is noticable just from taking a walk. Specifically, in Herndon/Hunter Mill parks you say "hi" to people when you're out walking and most don't even respond. Then you go to groups and events that are meant to be social, an no one will talk to you. If you go with an attractive female, people will approach her, but I have to become heavily involved in groups and really be outgoing to get people to talk to me. My neighbors will talk to me if I go over to them, but no one ever comes over to me when I'm in my yard. This is not just for me, but my wife too. Of course, the path near my neighborhood is about standard for people not even wanting to say "hi."

You try to get contact information from people, and always get their e-mail. They'll say they want to get together, but either don't respond to your messages or take three days to get a lame one back. Again, this is not just me. This summer, several people came up with reasons to not be able to have lunch with me, and one didn't even want to talk on the phone. Again, not just me. If people perceive that you're powerful in some way and can benefit them, then yes, you'll get lots of lunch partners. But few do it just to be social.

I know that sometimes people from other cultures are wrapped up on them and just don't have time to make friends. For example, Asians often have numerous family events. Also, some folks are very involved with their church and have friends and just don't bother socializing beyond that. But this doesn't account for everyone.

I know that some people just lack social skills. Still, I don't get it. Do lots of people go around without friends at all? There is such a thing as suburban isolation. People on the roads are murderous. Maybe there's just a zeitgeist that is antisocial. It's not that I'm that needful, and I certainly have (superficial, which is another topic) friends, but it seems smart and normal to want to make new friends. Not building a network of people that can help you seems stupid.

Please don't spend a lot of time laying blame on me. I know better. There's just a real negative atmosphere out there. I just don't understand why.
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Old 10-16-2009, 11:28 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,676 posts, read 74,663,884 times
Reputation: 48197
we have been blugeoned into indifference--- the intent was to make us pleasantly tolerant to much, inc a whole lota bad behavior.
let me translate--- if you are acting like a class A jerk -- you wana know why everyone is not warming up to you?
if you have been treating them bad for so long, --- you think there is something wrong with them when they stay away?
it happens alot my friend.
people that stink think that folks that move away are "antisocial".

Last edited by Huckleberry3911948; 10-16-2009 at 11:43 PM..
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Old 10-17-2009, 01:27 AM
 
Location: South South Jersey
1,652 posts, read 3,411,269 times
Reputation: 734
I was raised in a "Minnesota nice" sort of household, so I tend to be good with "please," "thank you," and "excuse me" in public. I've frequently noticed this behavior seem to take people by surprise in Metro stations, etc. - I've had victims of my politeness do double-takes and respond in kind (and occasionally even make "don't hear *that* much anymore - for shame!" sorta comments). As far as friendliness towards strangers - I'm quite an introvert face-to-face, so I've never really noticed this phenomenon, but.. yeah.. I can see how it could be annoying if you were used to anything else.
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:14 AM
 
139 posts, read 257,958 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaunespinoza View Post
OBX decals...strange, unfriendly, irrational attitudes lots of people have around here.
That's really funny about the OBX decals! He, he. It's like, I know that there are plenty of all right people, and that what a part of town was five or ten years ago can change due to development/population shifts, but there is a pervasive (and I think new) attitude out there. I remember the first time that someone rode to the end of a merge lane and was just going to run into me when it ended. It freaked me out. Now everyone drives like that. It's a new driving behavior that didn't exist in, say, 1995. Was it imported? Did one person start doing it, and then everyone followed suit? Something is going on. (I know that just about everyone does it now, because it's a local norm, so please no offense.)

And thanks Fairfax Mom. It's usually the nicer people who do notice these things.

I have one more story that I was reminded of when the gentleman posted about not returning e-mails. Again, apparently a new standard method. It made me realize that I have unconsciously developed my own strategy. There was a person that I was friends with, but we had a falling out. Actually, she seriously did me wrong. I found out that she was moving, and I just sent a nice message out of nostalgia. She responds and wants to do a particular sporting activity with me that we enjoyed. I know that she isn't offering because she really likes me, but because she wants to get out. And I was still upset with her. So I send her a message vaguely mentioning having a beer. That was months ago, and she still hasn't responded. Now she's out of the country for good. Problem solved.
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:26 AM
 
139 posts, read 257,958 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alicia Bradley View Post
I was raised in a "Minnesota nice" sort of household, so I tend to be good with "please," "thank you," and "excuse me" in public. I've frequently noticed this behavior seem to take people by surprise in Metro stations, etc. - I've had victims of my politeness do double-takes and respond in kind (and occasionally even make "don't hear *that* much anymore - for shame!" sorta comments). As far as friendliness towards strangers - I'm quite an introvert face-to-face, so I've never really noticed this phenomenon, but.. yeah.. I can see how it could be annoying if you were used to anything else.
I'm exactly the same way about the politeness. I was just raised that way, but people are pleasantly surprised with me. I know you aren't this way, but people also think that I'm especially outgoing. This is just because when I'm in a break room, standing on elevator, etc. I talk to people. To me, it's normal (and to be quiet would be unusual). To others I'm a very friendly person. Strange.
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:36 AM
 
139 posts, read 257,958 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by dlumpen View Post
I'm exactly the same way about the politeness. I was just raised that way, but people are pleasantly surprised with me. I know you aren't this way, but people also think that I'm especially outgoing. This is just because when I'm in a break room, standing on elevator, etc. I talk to people. To me, it's normal (and to be quiet would be unusual). To others I'm a very friendly person. Strange.
I take that back about people being surprised with politeness. It's just that it gets more of a positive response than I expect. It's as if they thought just as likely as not, I'd slam a door in their face.

I'm actually the same way. I have to guard our toddler at the mall, because so many people would just walk right into her. When someone holds an elevator door, etc. I feel especially heartened and say so.
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:41 AM
 
139 posts, read 257,958 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairfax Mom View Post
What is that OBX decal?
It's Outer Banks, NC. I googled it. I'm still laughing. What a gosh darn annoying sticker! He, he. This board has really cheered me up!
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Old 10-17-2009, 03:49 AM
 
139 posts, read 257,958 times
Reputation: 57
Quote:
Originally Posted by dlumpen View Post
It's Outer Banks, NC. I googled it. I'm still laughing. What a gosh darn annoying sticker! He, he. This board has really cheered me up!
It's such an archetype. Tailgating everyone in your damned mini van with heated seats, shoving your stroller in front of people's feet to beat them to the front of a line while in you saggy butt sweat pants... I'm just laughing too much I'm getting silly... I'm going to start making observations about these folks and posting about it! Funny.
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Old 10-17-2009, 06:37 AM
 
Location: Home is where the heart is
15,400 posts, read 25,834,488 times
Reputation: 18992
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fairfax Mom View Post
dlumpen - I agree EXACTLY - your experineces are the same as mine - and I am a nice, friendly person.
Problem solved--you two should get together.
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Old 10-17-2009, 09:36 AM
 
Location: Town of Herndon/DC Metro
2,294 posts, read 5,591,947 times
Reputation: 1170
Quote:
Originally Posted by normie View Post
Problem solved--you two should get together.
dm'd you....
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