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Old 10-18-2009, 10:48 PM
 
82 posts, read 282,101 times
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I lived in NOVA for 12.5 years and have been in Denver now for several months. The anti-soclalness that people talk about is here too, so maybe it's more than a DC thing. I almost think it's worse here.
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Old 10-19-2009, 11:44 AM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 26,920,267 times
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Originally Posted by nvared View Post
I lived in NOVA for 12.5 years and have been in Denver now for several months. The anti-soclalness that people talk about is here too, so maybe it's more than a DC thing. I almost think it's worse here.
I was going to say a similar thing. I've seen the same thing in Indiana, in Portland OR, and in California. IMO, most people find it hard to make friends when they move to a new town. Usually you don't move into a new street and know all your neighbors before the end of the week. I lived in a beach town in southern California and I didn't know most of my neighbors even after years had gone by.

I also think most of the people who complain about how "anti-social" Nova is complained about the last town they lived in, too. Just an observation from having haunted a lot of the forums on city-data.

And if they were to move away from here and go to Malibu or Berkeley or Boston or whatever the perceived capital of friendliness is, they'd complain about that place too. Go look in the forums for those places. They all have a lot of complaining, complaining, complaining.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:05 PM
 
239 posts, read 575,575 times
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Originally Posted by Gottasay View Post
As a native of the area I can also attest to this. I have also lived in many different places and I do see the difference. I do long for the friendlier places as well but am here due to family and employment. I believe that there are a couple of factors that play a role. For one, the DC area attracts a large amount of very smart but perhaps socially challenged individuals (aka: geeks). These are people who generally graduated from the top of their class and are thus more likely to get the highly sought after Federal jobs. Also, the Federal government helps foster a sense of paranoia and secrecy. Many people are in jobs requiring a secret clearance. Those clearances require a stellar record, so you won't see these people out partying and getting into trouble. Many also work in politics and don't want to be photographed by the Washington Post making fools of themselves at a local bar. Also, many have worked overseas for the Federal gov't. They are terrified of being robbed, kidnapped, taken hostage, or even murdered (because they probably know of real examples of this). They carry this paranoia with them back to the states. As for me, I don't care. I try to be friendly even if people have a sour disposition or look on their faces. I do agree that getting involved in smaller groups helps alot and I found a lot of friendly folks through church.
This is an accurate observation. Especially, about the security clearance business. There used to be a constant parade of "investigators" from OPM, DoD, etc. in our Springfield neighborhood. I think some of the parents were extra careful, who their kids hung around with, for security clearance reasons. Of course, they really shouldn't be so impressed with themselves. They do seem to hand out these clearances, like parking tickets.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:08 PM
 
257 posts, read 499,591 times
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Originally Posted by Caladium View Post
I was going to say a similar thing. I've seen the same thing in Indiana, in Portland OR, and in California. IMO, most people find it hard to make friends when they move to a new town. Usually you don't move into a new street and know all your neighbors before the end of the week. I lived in a beach town in southern California and I didn't know most of my neighbors even after years had gone by.

I also think most of the people who complain about how "anti-social" Nova is complained about the last town they lived in, too. Just an observation from having haunted a lot of the forums on city-data.

And if they were to move away from here and go to Malibu or Berkeley or Boston or whatever the perceived capital of friendliness is, they'd complain about that place too. Go look in the forums for those places. They all have a lot of complaining, complaining, complaining.
Ya know... I realized this in college about being "social"... when you're the new kid on the block, you're forced to seek out new friendships, but once they've been established, you have no compelling reason to continue to seek out new friendships (how many do you need, really?).

I realized this when I was a senior in college -- my friends were all people I knew as a freshman, save those I may have met through student or organizations or what not.

So I think all of this is an extension of that -- people who are already here have their social network, and new people are miffed 'cause they can't break into it.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:08 PM
 
139 posts, read 257,897 times
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Originally Posted by Caladium View Post
I was going to say a similar thing. I've seen the same thing in Indiana, in Portland OR, and in California. IMO, most people find it hard to make friends when they move to a new town. Usually you don't move into a new street and know all your neighbors before the end of the week. I lived in a beach town in southern California and I didn't know most of my neighbors even after years had gone by.

I also think most of the people who complain about how "anti-social" Nova is complained about the last town they lived in, too. Just an observation from having haunted a lot of the forums on city-data.

And if they were to move away from here and go to Malibu or Berkeley or Boston or whatever the perceived capital of friendliness is, they'd complain about that place too. Go look in the forums for those places. They all have a lot of complaining, complaining, complaining.
Caladium, you're in a cranky mood today. I know it's Monday. Not all cities are alike. In Greenville, SC, if you take your children to a play area, people will help you watch them. This won't happen in New York, NY. One study that was in the Washington Post had to do with drivers. We have gotten more aggressive. Now we're the top city in the nation for tailgating. I've mentioned specific examples of behavior that I believe have changed, and driving is one that has been backed up by studies.

Now stop your complaining.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 26,920,267 times
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Originally Posted by anonymous703 View Post
Ya know... I realized this in college about being "social"... when you're the new kid on the block, you're forced to seek out new friendships, but once they've been established, you have no compelling reason to continue to seek out new friendships (how many do you need, really?).

I realized this when I was a senior in college -- my friends were all people I knew as a freshman, save those I may have met through student or organizations or what not.

So I think all of this is an extension of that -- people who are already here have their social network, and new people are miffed 'cause they can't break into it.
I think you're on to something.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Virginia
18,717 posts, read 26,920,267 times
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Originally Posted by dlumpen View Post
Caladium, you're in a cranky mood today. I know it's Monday. Not all cities are alike. In Greenville, SC, if you take your children to a play area, people will help you watch them. This won't happen in New York, NY. One study that was in the Washington Post had to do with drivers. We have gotten more aggressive. Now we're the top city in the nation for tailgating. I've mentioned specific examples of behavior that I believe have changed, and driving is one that has been backed up by studies.

Now stop your complaining.
Funny you should mention Greenville, I should have added that one to my list. Spent two years at Clemson. One of the loneliest times in my life. Same sort of story, the people I met already had families and friends. I'd try to be friendly. I'd say hello to people in the laundry room while I was doing my laundry and things like that. And some people were friendly, in that I mean they'd smile and say hello for a moment. But it was hard to find anyone who had time to be friends. When I moved I doubt anyone remembered my name even a day after I left. I always wondered if maybe I was a little too "northern." Or maybe they were just busy, like everyone in this world.

Now Asheville was a little friendlier, sometimes when I'd get the blues I'd drive up there and hang out at Beanstreets. But maybe it just seemed friendlier because I spent all my time there at this one coffeehouse.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:17 PM
 
10,606 posts, read 12,142,848 times
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Originally Posted by dlumpen View Post
Caladium, you're in a cranky mood today. I know it's Monday. Not all cities are alike. In Greenville, SC, if you take your children to a play area, people will help you watch them. This won't happen in New York, NY. One study that was in the Washington Post had to do with drivers. We have gotten more aggressive. Now we're the top city in the nation for tailgating. I've mentioned specific examples of behavior that I believe have changed, and driving is one that has been backed up by studies.

Now stop your complaining.
Have we gotten more agressive for the sake of "aggression" itself, or is it because we have, like, the number 2 worst rated traffic in the U.S.? If so, we aren't really more aggressive as a general personality type, but have become aggressive in our driving due to the horrible, horrible commuting situations we are put in.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:24 PM
 
139 posts, read 257,897 times
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Originally Posted by ChristineVA View Post
Have we gotten more agressive for the sake of "aggression" itself, or is it because we have, like, the number 2 worst rated traffic in the U.S.? If so, we aren't really more aggressive as a general personality type, but have become aggressive in our driving due to the horrible, horrible commuting situations we are put in.
Good point. The articles that I have read definitely support this. They also blame drivers from other regions and countries that take their habits with them. One example is people from a particular South American country run red lights in advance because it's going to turn green. I recently saw someone do this too.
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Old 10-19-2009, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Falls Church, VA
722 posts, read 1,756,902 times
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Originally Posted by dlumpen View Post
In Greenville, SC, if you take your children to a play area, people will help you watch them. This won't happen in New York, NY.
I don't know about Greenville or NY. But, as one of NoVA's much-maligned SAHMs, I spend a lot of time at parks and play areas. And I cannot tell you how many times other parents have lent me a hand. Like if my 3 year old wants to be pushed on the swing but my baby needs to be fed? (I can't believe how often this happens, LOL). I can guarantee you that if there is another parent nearby, I'll get some offers of help. And I do the same when I see other parents struggling with too many kids and not enough hands.

I don't think NoVA is the absolutely friendliest place in the world (in day-to-day terms, Nebraska was definitely friendlier, though they had some hang-ups about newcomers), but people do help each other out. The need just has to be kind of obvious - like juggling kids - because otherwise people aren't going to want to intrude into your business.
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