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I know we're briefly veering off-topic, but I'm finally realizing I just can not permanently break ties from the Internet. It's an addiction. I managed to stay away from Facebook so far for 9 days, but even there I'm getting very "edgy" to get back because the few friends I had left pretty much started ignoring me because I wasn't "visible" on there anymore.
You are right about that. None of can leave the internet! We're all hooked. Only on vacation can I turn it off, but even then I bring my laptop and check in occasionally.
How do you communicate with friends, without Facebook? It seems you younger folks do everything over Facebook.
You are right about that. None of can leave the internet! We're all hooked. Only on vacation can I turn it off, but even then I bring my laptop and check in occasionally.
How do you communicate with friends, without Facebook? It seems you younger folks do everything over Facebook.
You know it's funny, actually, how we "younger folks" are actually losing sight of the true art of communication. Most (not all) of us have grown so accustomed to Facebook, text messaging, Skype, e-mail, IM, etc. that when it comes time to actually have face-to-face contact with someone it can tend to be awkward.
Several weeks ago a friend of mine texted me from Tennessee to tell me she really missed me and couldn't wait to see me as soon as I got back. She said she'd hit me up. Finally yesterday after NOT hearing from her I gave her a call, caught her totally off-guard, and the awkard silence in the conversation was very noticeable. She seemed like she couldn't wait to get off the phone, so I let her be.
While running on the W&OD near Reston Town Center a month ago I passed out a colleague who could do nothing but wave awkwardly as we ran by one another. Now, I wasn't expecting a "welcome wagon" or anything, but a brief pause (to the side of the trail) to catch up quickly wouldn't have hurt.
When I see the "mommies" in Reston prowling around Giant yakking it up to one another for seemingly hours on end I grow jealous because my own generation is largely losing sight of that.
Absolutely. It's not just high income and high levels of education. It's also the values -- familiy orientation, religion, etc.
Classic counter example for me is Seattle (and its suburbs). That is an affluent city with high income professionals, but that area, even the suburbs, is not particularly family-friendly (more dogs than children in City of Seattle, i.e. more dog parks than playgrounds) and has completely different vibe to NoVA. While church attendance is the lowest in the PacNW, that in NoVA is rather high. And that difference does show.
It's not that people here are somehow Bible-thumping or religiously pretentious -- it's that the prevailing dogmas (militant material secularism in Seattle; family-oriented religion in NoVA) result in different styles of life. Of course, these are generalizations, but I think they are broadly true.
As for status consciousness, I really think that given the high level of prosperity here, it's not bad at all. In the smaller towns across the country where I lived, there is a great economic disparity between small pockets of wealth and the larger lower middle class, breeding resentment toward "the rich kids" and "how they act like they own the town." There is none of that here. On the other end of the spectrum, there is little of the crazy showiness and competition I see in the high end housing areas of SoCal or NYC/Westchester.
Of course, one is bound to run into more ambitious people in areas like this over Scranton. But ambition does not necessarily equal Gucci-wearing. In fact, several of my friends live in Great Falls and they dress the standard NoVA uniform (drab collared or polo shirt, khakis and corrected-grain shoes -- I always stick out because I learned to dress in NYC). I also know quite a few people who earn high six figures and live happily in town houses and small homes next to people who earn about $100,000 a year.
Most physicians I know in this area, by the way, drive Hondas, Toyotas and Subarus.
I will not for one moment argue with you that this is indeed a wonderful place for its well-noted family-friendly orientation. Sadly I seem to be pretty much one of the few (if not the only) early-20-somethings at my rather large Protestant church in Reston, but the families of the congregation have not made me feel unwelcomed. Contrariwise one family in particular (couple in their late-40s or early-50s with three sons in their late-teens to early-20s) really took me in and embraced me because I showed such a drive to want to volunteer. After one event they all went out to eat at Glory Days in Sterling together and invited me along as one of their own. That was very nice. More recently they had a favor to ask of me and once again treated me to a very nice dinner and some wonderful conversation (two hours!) Another woman from my church who found out about my recent suicide attempt and my depression went above and beyond to reach out to me because she, too, had been on a similar path before she moved here. I was embraced into our church's book club, even though I was the only male and the only one under 40 in it. When I drive up and down Reston Parkway in the Northpoint neighborhood and see fathers pushing young daughters on bikes as they prepare to take off the training wheels and see grandparents toting toddler grandchildren around in little red wagons along the trail near the roadway as I sit at a red light a little part of me smiles inside---happy to see others so happy and living life in terms I'd see as being truly successful yet also sad to know I'll never have a family of my own.
The problem is that if you're young and single it can often times be VERY difficult to find a "niche" here in Fairfax County outside of colleagues. Most straight guys I meet are apprehensive about getting too close to me as friends because they are afraid other people might "think" about them (if you catch my drift), and most bi/gay guys my age I meet who seem promising just want to get drunk, size me up, and drag me into my bedroom in the long-run (once again if you catch my drift). Since moving here I finally realized I have more friends twice my age than my own age, and that has only worsened my depression. So many younger people here only care about:
1.) Drinking
2.) Climbing the vocational ladder quickly to make the "big bucks."
3.) Drinking
4.) Sex
5.) Drinking
6.) Posing
7.) Drinking
It has just left me with a very sour taste in my mouth overall. Where are the early-20-somethings in suburbia who love new exhibits at the Smithsonians? Where are the early-20-somethings in suburbia who would rather spend a Friday night bowling or dancing to some cheesy '80s music at the State Theatre instead of drinking up like a fish at some lame overpriced chain bar in Reston and talking about work? Where are the early-20-somethings who love trail-running or kayaking? I feel like such a fish out of water in Fairfax County. I'm befriending people whom I traditionally am not expected to be befriending, but most of my 18-26-year-old peers (how should I say this nicely?) are either career-driven or IMMATURE!
This was something I hadn't quite expected since I had such a strong network of friends back in Pennsylvania who were more aligned with my ideas of "fun." Hell, why isn't there even a freakin' DRIVE-IN THEATER in Fairfax County? We have over a million people! Where are all of the mini-golf courses? Why don't we have a Dave & Buster's? This area is great if you're a young family centered around your faith, around your child's school, and around giving your children a great start in life. Fairfax County then forgets about those of us 18-26---just starting out with lousy salaries, no family ties to the area, not a care in the world about the school system or playgrounds, unable to afford the entertainment venues those of you in the six-figure club take for granted, etc. and tells us "if you don't like it, move to Arlington" (as I've been told on the Restonian by Reston lifers who live in the Reston "bubble" that mediocrity should suffice).
I will not for one moment argue with you that this is indeed a wonderful place for its well-noted family-friendly orientation. Sadly I seem to be pretty much one of the few (if not the only) early-20-somethings at my rather large Protestant church in Reston, but the families of the congregation have not made me feel unwelcomed. Contrariwise one family in particular (couple in their late-40s or early-50s with three sons in their late-teens to early-20s) really took me in and embraced me because I showed such a drive to want to volunteer. After one event they all went out to eat at Glory Days in Sterling together and invited me along as one of their own. That was very nice. More recently they had a favor to ask of me and once again treated me to a very nice dinner and some wonderful conversation (two hours!) Another woman from my church who found out about my recent suicide attempt and my depression went above and beyond to reach out to me because she, too, had been on a similar path before she moved here. I was embraced into our church's book club, even though I was the only male and the only one under 40 in it. When I drive up and down Reston Parkway in the Northpoint neighborhood and see fathers pushing young daughters on bikes as they prepare to take off the training wheels and see grandparents toting toddler grandchildren around in little red wagons along the trail near the roadway as I sit at a red light a little part of me smiles inside---happy to see others so happy and living life in terms I'd see as being truly successful yet also sad to know I'll never have a family of my own.
The problem is that if you're young and single it can often times be VERY difficult to find a "niche" here in Fairfax County outside of colleagues. Most straight guys I meet are apprehensive about getting too close to me as friends because they are afraid other people might "think" about them (if you catch my drift), and most bi/gay guys my age I meet who seem promising just want to get drunk, size me up, and drag me into my bedroom in the long-run (once again if you catch my drift). Since moving here I finally realized I have more friends twice my age than my own age, and that has only worsened my depression. So many younger people here only care about:
1.) Drinking
2.) Climbing the vocational ladder quickly to make the "big bucks."
3.) Drinking
4.) Sex
5.) Drinking
6.) Posing
7.) Drinking
It has just left me with a very sour taste in my mouth overall. Where are the early-20-somethings in suburbia who love new exhibits at the Smithsonians? Where are the early-20-somethings in suburbia who would rather spend a Friday night bowling or dancing to some cheesy '80s music at the State Theatre instead of drinking up like a fish at some lame overpriced chain bar in Reston and talking about work? Where are the early-20-somethings who love trail-running or kayaking? I feel like such a fish out of water in Fairfax County. I'm befriending people whom I traditionally am not expected to be befriending, but most of my 18-26-year-old peers (how should I say this nicely?) are either career-driven or IMMATURE!
This was something I hadn't quite expected since I had such a strong network of friends back in Pennsylvania who were more aligned with my ideas of "fun." Hell, why isn't there even a freakin' DRIVE-IN THEATER in Fairfax County? We have over a million people! Where are all of the mini-golf courses? Why don't we have a Dave & Buster's? This area is great if you're a young family centered around your faith, around your child's school, and around giving your children a great start in life. Fairfax County then forgets about those of us 18-26---just starting out with lousy salaries, no family ties to the area, not a care in the world about the school system or playgrounds, unable to afford the entertainment venues those of you in the six-figure club take for granted, etc. and tells us "if you don't like it, move to Arlington" (as I've been told on the Restonian by Reston lifers who live in the Reston "bubble" that mediocrity should suffice).
From your post it sounds as though you have found your "niche" Why does it have to be with folks your age? If you have found a support group you should be grateful, it sounds like they are truly a nice group of people. Sometimes what we think we want or need really isn't what is best for us.
There's a great, county run, mini golf course over in Falls Church. My sons, who are near your age, met friends through golf and rock wall climbing. Some of their friends also bike, canoe, and Kayak. And they ALL ski. Join a ski club, they have lots of meetings and gatherings, year 'round. Surely there are some gay clubs/groups. Go to a Meet Up Group for something that interests you. Political campaigns are filled with young people. I guarantee that you will make friends on a campaign. Or join the local county democrat committee, or the Reston Democrats. Political groups also do lots of volunteer work where you will meet like minded people. There's a very nice gay guy running for Congress in your district. His name is Matthew Berry, and he's awesome. He's a true Patriot and an openly gay Republican. I'm sure that he would welcome your help. About Matthew « Matthew Berry for Congress (http://berry2010.com/about/ - broken link)
Heck, there's even a link here to a party he's having at house this weekend! Matthew Berry for Congress « Matthew Berry for Congress (http://berry2010.com/ - broken link) Join the Young Democrats or Young Republicans and you will have more friends than you know what to do with. You will also be constantly busy, lots of parties, meet and greets, canvassing with other people, among other activities.
I wish you had asked about book clubs! Men do not join Book Clubs! They're for women, usually over 40, to drink wine and talk about their husbands, kids, schools, and kids' sports teams. We also spend some time talking about the book, those of us who read it that month. Honestly, your church should have told that it was a WOMAN's Book Club because that's what Book Clubs always are. (Although I was in couples, book club, years ago.) I have never heard of a men's book club. They should have told you that the book club is not for young men.
I am sorry that you have not been able to find friends your own age. I don't think there's anyone here who wants you to be unhappy. I also think that you live in a GREAT area to make friends. Whatever your passion is, there's a group for it! Get out and join some! It takes a while to make friends, but you've got to start somewhere. You have to seek out like minded people.
I will not for one moment argue with you that this is indeed a wonderful place for its well-noted family-friendly orientation. Sadly I seem to be pretty much one of the few (if not the only) early-20-somethings at my rather large Protestant church in Reston, but the families of the congregation have not made me feel unwelcomed. Contrariwise one family in particular (couple in their late-40s or early-50s with three sons in their late-teens to early-20s) really took me in and embraced me because I showed such a drive to want to volunteer. After one event they all went out to eat at Glory Days in Sterling together and invited me along as one of their own. That was very nice. More recently they had a favor to ask of me and once again treated me to a very nice dinner and some wonderful conversation (two hours!) Another woman from my church who found out about my recent suicide attempt and my depression went above and beyond to reach out to me because she, too, had been on a similar path before she moved here. I was embraced into our church's book club, even though I was the only male and the only one under 40 in it. When I drive up and down Reston Parkway in the Northpoint neighborhood and see fathers pushing young daughters on bikes as they prepare to take off the training wheels and see grandparents toting toddler grandchildren around in little red wagons along the trail near the roadway as I sit at a red light a little part of me smiles inside---happy to see others so happy and living life in terms I'd see as being truly successful yet also sad to know I'll never have a family of my own.
The problem is that if you're young and single it can often times be VERY difficult to find a "niche" here in Fairfax County outside of colleagues. Most straight guys I meet are apprehensive about getting too close to me as friends because they are afraid other people might "think" about them (if you catch my drift), and most bi/gay guys my age I meet who seem promising just want to get drunk, size me up, and drag me into my bedroom in the long-run (once again if you catch my drift). Since moving here I finally realized I have more friends twice my age than my own age, and that has only worsened my depression. So many younger people here only care about:
1.) Drinking
2.) Climbing the vocational ladder quickly to make the "big bucks."
3.) Drinking
4.) Sex
5.) Drinking
6.) Posing
7.) Drinking
It has just left me with a very sour taste in my mouth overall. Where are the early-20-somethings in suburbia who love new exhibits at the Smithsonians? Where are the early-20-somethings in suburbia who would rather spend a Friday night bowling or dancing to some cheesy '80s music at the State Theatre instead of drinking up like a fish at some lame overpriced chain bar in Reston and talking about work? Where are the early-20-somethings who love trail-running or kayaking? I feel like such a fish out of water in Fairfax County. I'm befriending people whom I traditionally am not expected to be befriending, but most of my 18-26-year-old peers (how should I say this nicely?) are either career-driven or IMMATURE!
This was something I hadn't quite expected since I had such a strong network of friends back in Pennsylvania who were more aligned with my ideas of "fun." Hell, why isn't there even a freakin' DRIVE-IN THEATER in Fairfax County? We have over a million people! Where are all of the mini-golf courses? Why don't we have a Dave & Buster's? This area is great if you're a young family centered around your faith, around your child's school, and around giving your children a great start in life. Fairfax County then forgets about those of us 18-26---just starting out with lousy salaries, no family ties to the area, not a care in the world about the school system or playgrounds, unable to afford the entertainment venues those of you in the six-figure club take for granted, etc. and tells us "if you don't like it, move to Arlington" (as I've been told on the Restonian by Reston lifers who live in the Reston "bubble" that mediocrity should suffice).
So the reality of it is that there isn't anything for people in their 20s vs the place just being plain horrible. This is something that is no surprise to anyone and the main reason why I'm not living in Fairfax at this time.
But as far as dealing with the kind of shallow and immature twenty-somethings, let me tell you that for Arlington, that's basically most of what it is! And as for DC and most of the Maryland suburbs, you either have the stereotypical yuppie/preppy/snooty people or classless hoodlums with few and far normal people in between. Socially, it's a two-horse city with little choices for people who are more down-to-earth and laid-back.
Fairfax might be boring, but it could be much worse!
There's a great, county run, mini golf course over in Falls Church. My sons, who are near your age, met friends through golf and rock wall climbing. Some of their friends also bike, canoe, and Kayak. And they ALL ski. Join a ski club, they have lots of meetings and gatherings, year 'round. Surely there are some gay clubs/groups. Go to a Meet Up Group for something that interests you. Political campaigns are filled with young people. I guarantee that you will make friends on a campaign. Or join the local county democrat committee, or the Reston Democrats. Political groups also do lots of volunteer work where you will meet like minded people. There's a very nice gay guy running for Congress in your district. His name is Matthew Berry, and he's awesome. He's a true Patriot and an openly gay Republican. I'm sure that he would welcome your help. About Matthew « Matthew Berry for Congress (http://berry2010.com/about/ - broken link)
Heck, there's even a link here to a party he's having at house this weekend! Matthew Berry for Congress « Matthew Berry for Congress (http://berry2010.com/ - broken link) Join the Young Democrats or Young Republicans and you will have more friends than you know what to do with. You will also be constantly busy, lots of parties, meet and greets, canvassing with other people, among other activities.
I wish you had asked about book clubs! Men do not join Book Clubs! They're for women, usually over 40, to drink wine and talk about their husbands, kids, schools, and kids' sports teams. We also spend some time talking about the book, those of us who read it that month. Honestly, your church should have told that it was a WOMAN's Book Club because that's what Book Clubs always are. (Although I was in couples, book club, years ago.) I have never heard of a men's book club. They should have told you that the book club is not for young men.
I am sorry that you have not been able to find friends your own age. I don't think there's anyone here who wants you to be unhappy. I also think that you live in a GREAT area to make friends. Whatever your passion is, there's a group for it! Get out and join some! It takes a while to make friends, but you've got to start somewhere. You have to seek out like minded people.
They really sit around at a book club and talk about their husbands?
From your post it sounds as though you have found your "niche" Why does it have to be with folks your age? If you have found a support group you should be grateful, it sounds like they are truly a nice group of people. Sometimes what we think we want or need really isn't what is best for us.
It just makes me feel sort of like I've "failed" inside because I've found my niche with people who are far my senior when society expects you to conform to social mores of largely aging along with your own peers. Most (not all) of the early-20-somethings I've met here pressure me incessantly to drink (not realizing that alcohol nearly destroyed my family, which I don't like to discuss because it hurts me inside). What is it with the obsession with drinking amongst 20-somethings around here? Do they drink so they can temporarily forget they live in deep suburbia where soccer moms outnumber coffeehouses by a 100:1 ratio? LOL!
I realized when I became sick that a lot of my friends were "fair weather friends." I was the reliable designated driver to chauffer people around. I was the one who'd dance like a lily-white boy while singing Billy Joel at karaoke to make myself look stupid to make others laugh. I'd often be the one to make reservations at places and to send out invitations to get people together. I would randomly buy gifts for people to show them how much I cared about them. I even let myself get thrown under the bus to bring together two guys who really hurt me inside in a romantic sense. It was this personality that earned me the title of "Most Likely to Brighten Your Day" out of nearly 300 in my high school graduating class. It was this personality that netted me a bonus at work for helping to bring people together. As soon as people my age saw that "benefit" within me ceasing as my illness imploded me, they cut me off, which is why I got that sense that either this area (or perhaps just my generation in this area) is TOO cutthroat, self-centered, driven, and "entitled." If I were in the opposite position I'd stick by that person, check up on them, let them know they were still valued and appreciated in life, etc. That's the way people generally were with the tight bonds we all shared where I grew up. Here? "Buzzkill. That's okay. There's hundreds of thousands of other people around. NEXT?"
I get along AMAZINGLY well with Baby Boomers and Gen X'ers. Most are impressed by my relative maturity given my age (any recent immaturity I attribute to that dark place I had fallen into in life). I just feel "wrong" inside to realize that most of the people I cherish most in this area would be people whom my parents would pal around with---not someone my age. Until those my age GROW THE HECK UP and realize there are more important things to life than drinking, sex, and one-upping each other I'm going to be stuck in this limbo of sorts. Life doesn't have to be a damn case of "I'm king of the hill and you're not" or "Mr. Jones next door bought an Audi A6 so I'm going to buy an Audi A8." Those moving here from SoCal, Long Island, Northern NJ, and other generally materialistic areas may not notice this in this area, but for someone who grew up in a very deep-rooted blue-collar area where friends would take a bullet for one another I am still sitting around waiting for NoVA to finally "click" within me. It hasn't yet, and it's been over a year. When will it?
It just makes me feel sort of like I've "failed" inside because I've found my niche with people who are far my senior when society expects you to conform to social mores of largely aging along with your own peers. Most (not all) of the early-20-somethings I've met here pressure me incessantly to drink (not realizing that alcohol nearly destroyed my family, which I don't like to discuss because it hurts me inside). What is it with the obsession with drinking amongst 20-somethings around here? Do they drink so they can temporarily forget they live in deep suburbia where soccer moms outnumber coffeehouses by a 100:1 ratio? LOL!
I realized when I became sick that a lot of my friends were "fair weather friends." I was the reliable designated driver to chauffer people around. I was the one who'd dance like a lily-white boy while singing Billy Joel at karaoke to make myself look stupid to make others laugh. I'd often be the one to make reservations at places and to send out invitations to get people together. I would randomly buy gifts for people to show them how much I cared about them. I even let myself get thrown under the bus to bring together two guys who really hurt me inside in a romantic sense. It was this personality that earned me the title of "Most Likely to Brighten Your Day" out of nearly 300 in my high school graduating class. It was this personality that netted me a bonus at work for helping to bring people together. As soon as people my age saw that "benefit" within me ceasing as my illness imploded me, they cut me off, which is why I got that sense that either this area (or perhaps just my generation in this area) is TOO cutthroat, self-centered, driven, and "entitled." If I were in the opposite position I'd stick by that person, check up on them, let them know they were still valued and appreciated in life, etc. That's the way people generally were with the tight bonds we all shared where I grew up. Here? "Buzzkill. That's okay. There's hundreds of thousands of other people around. NEXT?"
I get along AMAZINGLY well with Baby Boomers and Gen X'ers. Most are impressed by my relative maturity given my age (any recent immaturity I attribute to that dark place I had fallen into in life). I just feel "wrong" inside to realize that most of the people I cherish most in this area would be people whom my parents would pal around with---not someone my age. Until those my age GROW THE HECK UP and realize there are more important things to life than drinking, sex, and one-upping each other I'm going to be stuck in this limbo of sorts. Life doesn't have to be a damn case of "I'm king of the hill and you're not" or "Mr. Jones next door bought an Audi A6 so I'm going to buy an Audi A8." Those moving here from SoCal, Long Island, Northern NJ, and other generally materialistic areas may not notice this in this area, but for someone who grew up in a very deep-rooted blue-collar area where friends would take a bullet for one another I am still sitting around waiting for NoVA to finally "click" within me. It hasn't yet, and it's been over a year. When will it?
There is no reason for you to feel like failure because you don't have anything in common with those your own age. Some people are just more mature than others, my 25 yr old daughter was always much more mature than her friends and many I time I heard her complain about their childishness. You have your principals and morals and don't bend or give in to others simply to "fit in." As you get older you will get to the point that pleasing others simply to fit in becomes very unimportant.
Unfortunately your description of NOVA is slowly but surely invading the rest of the country, my husband and I always discuss the degradation of society and how noone cares anymore. The scene you paint of neighbors caring about neighbors and friends taking a bullet for another is very slowly becoming an oddity. I know it is still like that in some areas but not many. Even our very small town that is advertised as being "the friendiest place on earth" doesn't have that neighbor helping neighbor thing going on.
I have to add while we were in NOVA we did find that the people in Stafford and Fredricksburg were more likely to hold a door for you, say hello and just in general be more friendly, which is probably the main reason we are so drawn to Stafford and are willing to sacrifice time for a more enjoyable existance. We all know the closer you are to the beltway the more expensive housing is and that alot of people there have to have a dual income. I am a stay at home mom and I have the utmost respect for a woman who works full time and then has a family to deal with when not at work. I would imagine women there are so busy dealing with day to day life they don't have time to worry about whether they come across as snobby or not. I would also think the majority of the people that we look at and say they are snobby would be surprised to know this.
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I like that.
