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Spouse left our tiny 84 square mile island in April to begin his new career as a sea captain who visits Oahu, Kauai, Maui and Hawai'i on a rotating basis (not necessarily in that order). I stayed behind with the dogs so that I can enter once the dogs' titers are aged enough.
We can live anywhere with his job as his commute is only once a month. He lives on the boat 30 days and is off 30 days. After lots and lots of research, we felt that Hilo would be the best fit for our personalities.
We've already rented a really cool single family home on Big Island; we move sometime in August. It's very private, roomy, great view, it was just incredible that we found something so perfect for our lifestyle.
However, he's gotten to spend some time docked in Honolulu and he loves it and is starting to entertain moving there. Perhaps 34 years of living with limited access to so many things makes Honolulu look so exciting to him. He's met lots of great people, got to play out at a few venues and had a blast (he's also a musician), thinks all of the people are so friendly and sweet, loves the food and...quite frankly...just being able to get whatever he wants whenever he wants, compared to our little island. He is really, really, really digging Honolulu. This from a man who always said he hates big cities.
Here's the tough part, we could afford Honolulu so he's thinking, what the heck. But I don't want to live in such a crowded place, and I think the Hilo vibe will be sweeter for a couple of old hippies. Because he is out to sea so much, I will be alone for a month at a time and quite frankly, I think Honolulu sounds like a great place to visit, but I don't think I want to live there. And the traffic, omg the traffic.
He's also spent a lot of time in Hilo and loves it there very much. He's seen the house, had lunch with the landlords, has been there 4-5 times, met lots of sweet people, loves the vibe. He's already found a sweet volunteer gig for me, in fact.
He's starting to squeak about how very cool Honolulu would be. I'm sure it is, but I think I'd like Hilo better.
He grew up in NYC and fled to our little island right after high school. I lived in a crowded mainland city (Ft. Lauderdale) for much of my adult life, and I am loving our current rural island lifestyle.
We're just renting for the first year (and likely much longer) so if we choose the wrong island, it's not the end of the world to move. Still, I don't think I want to be on Oahu, I think I'm going to love B.I. more. Especially because we're just a 2 hour drive to Kona for diving.
So, who wants to help me talk sweetie out of his dreams of changing our new venue from Hilo to Honolulu?
So, who wants to help me talk sweetie out of his dreams of changing our new venue from Hilo to Honolulu?
That's a toughie. You haven't even arrived yet, and he's changing his mind already? Kind of a "How you gonna keep him down on the farm..." kinda thang.
Hmmmm. How long did you say you've been married? I get the impression it hasn't been that long, maybe a year and a half, and that you've only lived together about the same? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me he's reverting back to a bachelor way of thinking about things, and that's quite natural since he's had a lot of life experience thinking that way, versus a much shorter experience including you in his plans. In the vernacular, he's been off-leash for a month and it seems he's kicking up his heels a little.
I'm no Dr. Phil, but Imma gonna guess that arguing the various merits of Hilo vs. Honolulu isn't gonna cut it. You need to deal with the relationship aspect, not the geographical aspect. I'd concentrate on communication YOUR needs, including your desire to commit your combined energies into making the current plan that you created together work for both of you.
A compromise may be in order - By now, he has probably heard firsthand or experienced the near constant rain in Hilo. Maui offers a much better climate - a picked up pace from Hilo but not as much as Honolulu.
Within Oahu, there is the North Shore if you want a slower pace.
From the time you've said we could live anywhere and chose Hilo - not many people are probably surprised he is rethinking that move. Hilo is a neat small town - but it definitely isn't for everyone. And I'm sure he loves the frogs at night.
And if he has been on Hilo lately - he is definitely getting rained on. A lot. And it has been sunny and dry on Oahu.
Last edited by whtviper1; 06-01-2012 at 10:17 PM..
A compromise may be in order - By now, he has probably heard firsthand or experienced the near constant rain in Hilo. Maui offers a much better climate - a picked up pace from Hilo but not as much as Honolulu.
Within Oahu, there is the North Shore if you want a slower pace.
From the time you've said we could live anywhere and chose Hilo - not many people are probably surprised he is rethinking that move. Hilo is a neat small town - but it definitely isn't for everyone.
And if he has been on Hilo lately - he is definitely getting rained on. A lot. And it has been sunny and dry on Oahu.
Funny ... I was just going to suggest the same thing. Compromise and settle in Haleiwa on the North Shore. Still very much a small town feel yet only a short drive to everything he wants to access in Honolulu. Just a thought.
I'm gonna try. Thank goodness you are mature folks, and not the younger gen. We Babyboomers/old hippies have wisdom they often don't.
Is your sweetie into news and current events? Is he concerned about the national economy, and how it can affect crime if it gets even worse? Does he share the concern that millions of us have that our dollar is going to eventually inflate to a point of the "have nots" causing social chaos and going after "the haves?" Anything along these lines that you can appeal to him in the context of?
I've spent a ton of time on Oahu and wished our livelihood had been on the BI. THAT is realy Hawaii, real country.
If and when social chaos occurs, if the dollar seriously inflates crime will of course increase. Oahu's one, large metropolitan area when it comes to crime and what could occur.
Try to appeal to him to settle on the BI. You said you can afford Honolulu so you can afford to fly back and forth. Encourage him to do so, and live it up there, but...do not live there.
Remind him of how he got tired of the big city life long ago, and that yes, the new of that will wear-off again.
I know a lot of professional folks that are moving further from the big cities, in several states. They can afford to live anywhere and are seeing the proverbial handwriting on the wall. They are heading out and getting established "just in case."
We're together a couple of years, but we were both married previously a long time.
Not so much a kicking up of the heels as a "holy crap this here big city is so cool!"
The relationship is very solid, no problems there. Actually, he very much wants me to be a part of shore life, no matter where we settle, he's always saying how much I'd love sharing Honolulu with him. He truly believes that I too will embrace this fun city lifestyle. I could actually tolerate it, 30 years of Ft. Laud which is like Honolulu without the volcanoes, lol, but I'm more enjoying our current rural island lifestyle.
I'm just looking for some factoids to throw at him about why Hilo is a better answer for our living/mailing address. I already reminded him that he'll be in Honolulu each week anyway for his exploring and musical fun, which made him realize that he'll/we'll still have all the fun no matter where he lives.
I suppose I'm more looking for crowd and financial reasons to move to Hilo. For what we are getting a sweet big single family home on Hilo, we'd get a one bedroom condo in Honolulu, no fun with two dogs! He's insisting we could get a single family home rental on Oahu, but I'm thinking it would be really far from port and really expensive. Despite the fact that we could afford it, I think it's not the best use of our finances.
I hope this helps explain it?
Last edited by HiloDiver; 06-01-2012 at 10:27 PM..
Viper, we know about the rain and despite your constantly telling us how we'll hate it, we're cool with it. He's been on Hilo half a dozen times now, it's not an issue. We don't like dry. So far as small town, Hilo has a larger population than our entire current island.
Waikiki, looking at Maui, it just seemed so expensive with less to do than Big Island. We are avid divers and Maui just didn't seem like a diving mecca. Am I wrong?
Sunny, my sweetie could not be LESS into current events. But I fled a big city and don't want to go back. Had to go back in April and couldn't believe I actually lived there 30 years. He visited me there a few times before I moved here, and kept saying "I don't know how you live here, it's so crowded."
So, I guess he's just having an infatuation with the availability of things that are so difficult to obtain in "America's Third World". He is 80% agreeing with me about where to settle...mostly because I am the one who has to live ashore while he's at work...keeps saying "whatever makes you happy". Not living in a big city will make me happy!!! And he can still have his fun in Honolulu when he's docked there. I think???
Viper, I'm not going to go back to search other posts, but you have posted at other times that we will hate Hilo's rain.
So what is cool on North Shore vs. Hilo? I wrote Oahu off from the get-go and didn't study it at all. How does North Shore Oahu cost of living compare to Hilo? And, it seems Oahu diving isn't nearly as cool as B.I. diving. According to what I've researched...maybe I'm wrong but that's what I've found on research.
I've been looking into Hilo and it seems to be perfect for me. He's visited it several times and loved it. I think the problem is that he's overnighted (think opportunities to play gigs) in Honolulu but Hilo has only been day trips. I sure hope he can play some gigs within two hours of Hilo on his every other month off the boat...but that was another thread.
Viper, I'm not going to go back to search other posts, but you have posted at other times that we will hate Hilo's rain.
So what is cool on North Shore vs. Hilo? I wrote Oahu off from the get-go and didn't study it at all. How does North Shore Oahu cost of living compare to Hilo? And, it seems Oahu diving isn't nearly as cool as B.I. diving. According to what I've researched...maybe I'm wrong but that's what I've found on research.
I've been looking into Hilo and it seems to be perfect for me. He's visited it several times and loved it. I think the problem is that he's overnighted (think opportunities to play gigs) in Honolulu but Hilo has only been day trips. I sure hope he can play some gigs within two hours of Hilo on his every other month off the boat...but that was another thread.
I don't need to go back to my old posts. I've stated before that the near constant rain is something that really takes people by surprise. More than the rain, the frogs can drive you nuts.
If you want to dive - the North Shore is a great launching point. Your husband won't have to take a $160+ flight every month to get to Oahu. The appeal for many on the North Shore is the rural lifestyle with the option to get in a car and be in Honolulu in an hour. Housing on the North Shore will be more expensive than Hilo - just about everything else (gas, electric, food, day to day goods, clothing) will be less expensive than Hilo. And the weather is better - you'll get your share of rain - but plenty of sun to be able to go outdoors.
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Perhaps 34 years of living with limited access to so many things makes Honolulu look so exciting to him. He's met lots of great people, got to play out at a few venues and had a blast (he's also a musician), thinks all of the people are so friendly and sweet, loves the food and...quite frankly...just being able to get whatever he wants whenever he wants, compared to our little island. He is really, really, really digging Honolulu. This from a man who always said he hates big cities.
