Nervous about moving to Lima/Findlay (Columbus, Toledo: best cities, apartment, low crime)

[mindymandy]

Hi everyone!

I am new to this forum and I hope that you guys can help a nervous and confused young woman. Here is some background:

I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 yrs, long distance for 1.5 yrs. He is currently in Chicago and I was planning on joining him there from MI once we got engaged, but then he got cold feet and said that we had spent so much time in a long distance relationship that he felt nervous about marrying me. We had been through a lot and I decided that maybe he was right...and I should move to Chicago anyway because maybe things would work out better if the relationship wasn't long distance, and because I wanted some adventure. Well I spoke with my boss 2 weeks ago and he agreed to relocate me to Chicago, but then this morning he offered me a promotion if I would move to OH instead. I don't know what to do! I feel like I should make the decision based on what's best for my career (especially since my boyfriend is wishy-washy about me), but I care about him so much and want to live closer to him.

So the emotional question is, should I move for love or for my career?

The practical question is if I move for my career, where should I go?

My company has accounts in Lima and Findlay, and my boss wants me to move somewhere in either area or somewhere in between for 1 year with the option to extend the contract if I like it there. I have been to Lima before and did not like it because there was nothing to do and it seemed kinda run down (no offense to people who live there... maybe I just saw the bad parts of it.) However, I found the people in Ohio to be far friendlier and warmer than those in Michigan, and I wouldn't mind living in a small town if it had a great atmosphere and people my age to hang out with (mid to late 20s.) I want to find somewhere that's safe, doesn't have a high cost of living, and has some sort of nightlife or at least something to do within a 15-20 minute drive. Since this is only a 1 yr contract I would stay if I fell in love with the place and felt that I could positively impact the community in some way, or go to a big city (maybe Chicago after all) if things didn't work out.

I apologize for the length of this post but I am freaking out and I guess I just need some advice and/or reassurance from people who know the area and are perhaps wiser and more experienced than I am.

Thank you so much!

[Piggy]

I think you'd find Findlay is a really nice area. I've lived in four different states and this is by far the nicest area I've been in. I'm not sure what kind of stuff you are looking to do, but you wouldn't be very far from anything in this area.

You can get to Columbus, Fort Wayne, Detroit and Dayton in less than 2 hours. Toledo's only an hour away. Findlay has a smaller indoor mall, plenty of other shopping, a nice downtown area, nice park system, good schools and a very, very low crime rate. It's been rated one of the best cities to raise kids several years in a row.

I've only been here for eight months, but unless something happens I plan on being here a very long time.

[Art1979]

Originally Posted by mindymandy

Hi everyone!

I am new to this forum and I hope that you guys can help a nervous and confused young woman. Here is some background:

I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 yrs, long distance for 1.5 yrs. He is currently in Chicago and I was planning on joining him there from MI once we got engaged, but then he got cold feet and said that we had spent so much time in a long distance relationship that he felt nervous about marrying me. We had been through a lot and I decided that maybe he was right...and I should move to Chicago anyway because maybe things would work out better if the relationship wasn't long distance, and because I wanted some adventure. Well I spoke with my boss 2 weeks ago and he agreed to relocate me to Chicago, but then this morning he offered me a promotion if I would move to OH instead. I don't know what to do! I feel like I should make the decision based on what's best for my career (especially since my boyfriend is wishy-washy about me), but I care about him so much and want to live closer to him.

So the emotional question is, should I move for love or for my career?

The practical question is if I move for my career, where should I go?

My company has accounts in Lima and Findlay, and my boss wants me to move somewhere in either area or somewhere in between for 1 year with the option to extend the contract if I like it there. I have been to Lima before and did not like it because there was nothing to do and it seemed kinda run down (no offense to people who live there... maybe I just saw the bad parts of it.) However, I found the people in Ohio to be far friendlier and warmer than those in Michigan, and I wouldn't mind living in a small town if it had a great atmosphere and people my age to hang out with (mid to late 20s.) I want to find somewhere that's safe, doesn't have a high cost of living, and has some sort of nightlife or at least something to do within a 15-20 minute drive. Since this is only a 1 yr contract I would stay if I fell in love with the place and felt that I could positively impact the community in some way, or go to a big city (maybe Chicago after all) if things didn't work out.

I apologize for the length of this post but I am freaking out and I guess I just need some advice and/or reassurance from people who know the area and are perhaps wiser and more experienced than I am.

Thank you so much!

With all due respect, I think you have answer already, but want some affirmation. That's what I took from the post. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. Before I answer anything in detail about Findlay (being that I was born and raised there, I have plenty of information), I would like you to answer this question.

Do you love each other? Not do you think you love each other, but do you love each other? Yes or no question.

Look in the mirror and answer that question. I'm sure you'll know if you're lying to youself. After that, let me know and I'll answer your question.

[mindymandy]

Thanks so much for your response - it sounds like Findlay is a safe and pleasant place to live and it's also close enough to visit my family in MI One big concern is finding things to do in terms of nightlife. I like to go to the bar on weekends and also meet people close to my age to hang out with. Is there much of a social scene for 20 and 30-somethings?

Also, what brought you to Findlay (if you don't mind me asking)?

[mindymandy]

Art1979, I love him so much that it almost hurts to think about it. I love him to the point that it's irrational... I would do anything (within moral limits) for him, and wish from the bottom of my heart that he would just say "I love you that much too, and I want you to move to Chicago." So the answer is yes, I do... but no, he doesn't

[Art1979]

Originally Posted by mindymandy

Art1979, I love him so much that it almost hurts to think about it. I love him to the point that it's irrational... I would do anything (within moral limits) for him, and wish from the bottom of my heart that he would just say "I love you that much too, and I want you to move to Chicago." So the answer is yes, I do... but no, he doesn't

That is sad. You've been with him three and a half years, and he doesn't love you. Unfortunately, I would suggest you put your career above and beyond him in this situation. It's outside my boundaries to tell you much else on that subject.

Anyway, if I had a choice between Findlay and Lima, I would choose the former. Lima's had more bad luck than Findlay, and it needs a bit of a battleplan. Findlay's safe enough that serious crime would absolutely shock the town. The more run down section of town is near the River, old money is south of Lincoln St., newer money is east of CR-236.

The cost of living is quite agreeable, too. You can find a real nice apartment, in a good neighborhood for $600 to $650/mo. My 2 bedroom two years ago was that much, and I don't think much has happened to make rates go up.

There is really only one cosmopolitan restaurant in Findlay: Revolver on Sandusky Street. Others, like Rossili's, the Bistro on Main, and Japan West are honorable mentions. Most other restaurants are either formula restaurants or fast food. I do, however, recommend Wilson's for a hamburger (if you eat red meat), and the Main Street Deli for a killer deli sandwich.

The only downside is your entertainment. You have a theater (Carmike Cinemas on the west side of I-75), a coffee shop (George House Coffee & Tea, Co., Coffee Amici downtown is not my frequent stop), a mall (which will serve most of its partons quite well, but needs a wider variety of stores), and a handful of bars I'd actually recommend for you.

There's a relaxed, unpretentious bar near the RR tracks on West Main Cross called the "West End Tavern." They have good people and the drinks are cheap. If you're a regular the bartenders remember who you are and what you drink. If you like dive bars, there's Dillions on N. Main St. by the river. The skin ink and art punks (I mean that in a nice way) go there (23-35ish). Not much more than a couple of pool tables, a pinball machine, and a video machine at the edge of the bar, so it's more about drinking and talking than anything else. So it's best to be with a group of people. It's probably a good idea if you did that with all the bars in Findlay.

You'll find a lot of university students patroning The Old Stoney Ledge (Broad & Howard), Uncle Buck's and Boudreaux's on Main and Nino's across the street. They can be a bit obnoxious, and I don't usually patron them.

I really wouldn't advise you going to Brandy's, Nikki's, Player's or Wooley Bulley's on Tiffin Avenue (they changed it to some tropical name in the last few months and the name escapes me ATM), as they seem to attract a rougher crowd.

The more you can make-your-own fun, the better. Since there's still a heavy sense of tradition in NWO, there's a significant number of people 25-30 that are married with kids, and not out really socializing like they used to. That doesn't mean they're aren't some left, but we're not talking about an area like Chicago where you have plenty of people, either dating or single, cuting loose to socialize after work. Also, I will not deny that some have left for bigger cities like Chicago, being it's so close.

If you have any more questions, please let me know.

[Art1979]

Originally Posted by Art1979

If you have any more questions, please let me know.

Apparently, that was satisfactory.

[mindymandy]

Sorry, I had an emergency case some up at work so I couldn't get online...

I really appreciate all the information you have given, it is so helpful to know some of the places to check out and others to avoid, as well as good areas to live. I guess the impression I get is that Findlay is a safe place to raise a family and make a comfortable life for yourself. Am I right? I'm worried that it might not be so good for a single person who doesn't know ANYONE in town, but I really don't have a choice... I need to "lay low" somewhere quiet until I get over my heartache and figure out what I'm going to do with my future. Who knows, maybe if i go into this with a positive attitude I might end up loving the town and staying forever! Maybe I might not be lonely there.

I guess the only question I haven't asked is regarding how open people are to foreigners. I was born and raised in England, but am of middle eastern descent. I spent a short time in Alabama and Mississippi and had to deal with a lot of racism and lack of acceptance there, and I'm wondering if that attitude is prevalent in Findlay? It's hard enough to start new and make friends as it is, and I don't want yet another hurdle to overcome.

I appreciate your honesty, and thanks again

[Art1979]

Originally Posted by mindymandy

Sorry, I had an emergency case some up at work so I couldn't get online...

I really appreciate all the information you have given, it is so helpful to know some of the places to check out and others to avoid, as well as good areas to live. I guess the impression I get is that Findlay is a safe place to raise a family and make a comfortable life for yourself. Am I right? I'm worried that it might not be so good for a single person who doesn't know ANYONE in town, but I really don't have a choice... I need to "lay low" somewhere quiet until I get over my heartache and figure out what I'm going to do with my future. Who knows, maybe if i go into this with a positive attitude I might end up loving the town and staying forever! Maybe I might not be lonely there.

I guess the only question I haven't asked is regarding how open people are to foreigners. I was born and raised in England, but am of middle eastern descent. I spent a short time in Alabama and Mississippi and had to deal with a lot of racism and lack of acceptance there, and I'm wondering if that attitude is prevalent in Findlay? It's hard enough to start new and make friends as it is, and I don't want yet another hurdle to overcome.

I appreciate your honesty, and thanks again

I'll be honest, that's a tough call, and my predictive acumen isn't the greatest.

I will say, I am genuinely convinced that the majority of people in the area have a good heart about them, and know plenty of people that wouldn't think twice about your heritage. With that said, there's a very strange dichotomy here. It seems a culture cold war is brewing between the Old Guard and "Avant-garde" (I use that in quotes, because it's very easy to be so in the area). I'm of the opinion if you find a handful of good people, you'll start networking with their people and so on. Check out George House Coffee & Tea Co. up on Main and George right across from the university. If you're good at socializing, strike up a conversation with the barristas (servers). They'll be more than happy to chitter-chatter and could answer rudimentary questions.

I'm going to make a slight presumption, and guess you're Mulism (if I'm incorrect, I apologize). The nearest mosque is the Islamic Center of Greater Toledo 45 minutes north on I-75. There aren't many muslims in Hancock County, so networking through religion isn't the strongest.

However, the older you go up the age ladder (and the further you go out into farmland), the higher chance you'll run into a skeptical mind. And as I type this, I think I just hit the nail on the head. It's not racism in as much as it is a sense of skepticism. You have to understand, the town is made up of roughly 93% (that's the 2000 census, though) white residents. The majority of which descend from generations of German/English farmers who built the town up from a piddly little fort off the Blanchard river. They're very proud people and have been there all their life. Some may not listen to you.

Findlay's steady, and changes at its own pace. As I've said in prior posts, it is what it is. Finding a way to make your own fun is recommended if you choose to relocate.

[mindymandy]

Thanks again. I'm "officially" muslim, but not really because I disagree with many of the beliefs. Basically I just believe in being respectful and kind to others, and generally living ethically and compassionately. Hence I won't be doing much religious networking.

I'm friendly with the people I meet at work and everyone seems to like me, but I don't really have any true friends. I'm secretly shy by nature and find it hard to network. Do you know if there are any organizations in the area for singles/new people to meet and socialize? I don't want to end up depressed and lonely.