Please help me...gay, mom, southern ohio, torn. (Columbus, Toledo: crime rates, home)

[labrynthlily]

I am seriously almost in tears right now. My partner and I are from Portsmouth, ohio (aka, the Moderator cut: *&%* end of the earth, lol.). And while it's riddled with crime, drugs, scandal, and intolerance......it's home.

We have a 15 month old daughter and have been trying to decide where we should move for over a year now. And we've gotten nowhere. So, I'd love some input.

First, our obvious choice would be Columbus. It's gay friendly, there are some great schools, it's about all we could afford, there's decent job availability, etc. And we both hate it. We are small town people. In and around Columbus, everything is big. The farmers market, the fireworks display, every single festival has like 50,000 people..........and we just hated it. We LIKE the crappy little small town festivals i guess, lol.

Portsmouth on the other hand has what few close friends we have, some wonderful memories, a terrible economy, NO progessive mentality, and it doesn't show signs of stopping.

So here it is. I find myself with such a longing to move back home, that there's this sickness in my stomach. I miss it so much. I guess because everything good that ever happened in my life, happened there. And I try to justify it by telling myself that, things will progress, there's bound to be other gay families in town......somewhere, that I had a good childhood there so why couldn't my daughter.

But I feel so guilty and so selfish. Because I know that, at least in school, life would be so much easier for her in a city like columbus.

So what wins? The heart or the head? I've run myself through this for over a year now. I'm just torturing myself with it and would really appreciate some outside perspective.

Thanks for listening.

[yayoi]

I'm not gay, so I can't imagine what you're going through. I do know what it is like to be conflicted though. I'm from Toledo myself but given the economy and the overall feel of the city I realize that I may never be able to return and be content. Have you considered other smallish Ohio towns like Oberlin, Athens, or Oxford? Or maybe a smallish town outside of Columbus. Something that is far enough to get a way from it all but still within a comfortable drive. I know it's hard to be away from family and friends. What helps me is that I remember that I'm only a couple hours drive away from them. Thank goodness Ohio is small. Good luck to you.

[Bowie]

Originally Posted by yayoi

Or maybe a smallish town outside of Columbus. Something that is far enough to get a way from it all but still within a comfortable drive.

That's what I was thinking. You'll find more of what you seem to like about Portsmouth in the county seats of just about any of the counties adjacent to Franklin County. Check out places like Newark, Lancaster, Mount Vernon, and Marysville.

[Crew Chief]

Thanks for sharing, Labrynthlily... I guess what winds me up is the people that dismiss sexual orientation as merely a "lifestyle"... Sorry, this isn't the "Politics & Other Controversies" forum. I truly feel for you. As much as I've moved over the years, I understand what it is like to be torn between wanting to live in two places. And I've never had to worry about being accepted. As a stepchild, I'd say "do what's best for your child". But the anonymity of a big city isn't always the answer. Maybe I'm out there in left field, but I've always believed that one has to "be what they are" and let the chips fall where they may. No matter where you live, there will always be the small-minded. Perhaps it easy to say, but it really is THEIR problem! Maybe you and your partner just have to make up a list of plusses and minuses and choose the one with the most plusses... Best of luck!

[NorthPoleMarathoner]

I would look at Lancaster or Newark if you want to stay close to Columbus.

If you want to be in southern Ohio you may want to look at Athens or the Marrietta/Belpre area.

Don't know about jobs in those areas though.

[anorris]

As others have said, Athens is a similarly sized town to Portsmouth, with lots of smaller street festivals and whatnot throughout the year. However, you would also have to consider the University and the influence it has on the overall workings of the town.

Athens has a relatively similar population to Portsmouth, but Athens' population can fluctuate quite a lot through the year when school is in and out of session. Athens has a much more liberal slant, and people there seem far more accepting of gays than most towns it's size. Also, the crime rates in Athens are positively tiny in comparison with Portsmouth. Check out and compare the profiles of the two towns on this site, and you'll see what I mean.

As with all areas in SEO, though, the recession certainly hasn't spared the city of Athens. What kind of work are yourself and your partner doing or planning to do after the move?

[labrynthlily]

We are about to finish school for medical billing/coding. It's not a great paying job. But it's a relatively secure job so that I can make a living and go back to school for social work. Around here, the pay is around $9.00 per hour to start, in the city around $12.

[MissMotleys]

I would recommend Yellow Springs. It's very gay friendly & has a great school system. It feels like a small town. It's a very artsy hippy community. You are also close to the highway so you can commute to Dayton or Columbus if you need to. It can be pricey though.

Yellow Springs, Ohio Chamber of Commerce | Yellow Springs Events | Visitor Information | Business&Member Information

[EarthBound?]

Originally Posted by yayoi

I'm not gay, so I can't imagine what you're going through. I do know what it is like to be conflicted though. I'm from Toledo myself but given the economy and the overall feel of the city I realize that I may never be able to return and be content. Have you considered other smallish Ohio towns like Oberlin, Athens, or Oxford? Or maybe a smallish town outside of Columbus. Something that is far enough to get a way from it all but still within a comfortable drive. I know it's hard to be away from family and friends. What helps me is that I remember that I'm only a couple hours drive away from them. Thank goodness Ohio is small. Good luck to you.

You should look close at Oberlin. Small, College town, nice folks and for the most part, thier all well educated people.

[JefferyT]

Some good recommendatios about college towns being more tolerant and accepting of lesbian and gay people. Another one to look at is Granville, near Cols, home to Dennison U.