What Do You Do Without Family? (Commerce: travel, work, new home)

[colleeng47]

DH and I lived in itger states, but it's been a while. Most times when we came back to New Jersey one of the main reasons was our family was here. For various reasons we decided to make this our final (hate that word) move. We want to re-locate to OK, and stay there. All the research I've done convinces me it's the best place for all four of us. But then, all of you know this, I've been posting on this forum for a while.

Now my question: One of the hardest times to get through when you're away from family is "the holidays". Right now I spend thanksgiving with my sister, Christmas with her as well and then the whole clan has a Christmas brunch the Sunday after Christmas. We exchange gifts we've pulled names for back in October and then we do "pirate" (fun) gifts. We also get together several times a year for various reasons, including a "girl's weekend" my daughter and I attend with my sisters and neices twice a year. All of that will stop when we move and I know I need to fill the gaps. Always before I found that most people celebrate with their families and I could never find ways to make our holidays eventful in the places we lived outside New Jersey. Everyone I would invite would have plans with their families and we would end up just the four of us. Several times during those years we would work at a soup kitchen or something. How have any of you who are away from family handle the various occasions throughout the year when there is no family to fall back on? I'm hoping with the friendliness I'm finding on this forum that things may be different for us in OK. Any advice?

[Synopsis]

Why not just plan around that part of the year and go to NJ or even have your family be with you for the holidays? I agree it can be hard, but you can make it work. Of course, I HATE getting on airplanes.

[TheComputerGuy]

Originally Posted by colleeng47

DH and I lived in itger states, but it's been a while. Most times when we came back to New Jersey one of the main reasons was our family was here. For various reasons we decided to make this our final (hate that word) move. We want to re-locate to OK, and stay there. All the research I've done convinces me it's the best place for all four of us. But then, all of you know this, I've been posting on this forum for a while.

Now my question: One of the hardest times to get through when you're away from family is "the holidays". Right now I spend thanksgiving with my sister, Christmas with her as well and then the whole clan has a Christmas brunch the Sunday after Christmas. We exchange gifts we've pulled names for back in October and then we do "pirate" (fun) gifts. We also get together several times a year for various reasons, including a "girl's weekend" my daughter and I attend with my sisters and neices twice a year. All of that will stop when we move and I know I need to fill the gaps. Always before I found that most people celebrate with their families and I could never find ways to make our holidays eventful in the places we lived outside New Jersey. Everyone I would invite would have plans with their families and we would end up just the four of us. Several times during those years we would work at a soup kitchen or something. How have any of you who are away from family handle the various occasions throughout the year when there is no family to fall back on? I'm hoping with the friendliness I'm finding on this forum that things may be different for us in OK. Any advice?

The only close family on my side passed on many years ago, and with the exception of my in-laws, the rest were never anything to write home about.
(My in-laws go to FL in November... And we (sort of) celebrate Christmas with them before they leave.)

Working (and I'm NOT sure that's a good choice of words) in a soup kitchen, is a pretty satisfying thing to do... And especially good for the children. So you're doing a GOOD thing there already.

Many, many (even when we had family) years ago, we began inviting the "strays" (Friends who had no family... There are always plenty unfortunately for them.) and it makes for a really good holiday. I've never had a bad time yet... And up here, we still invite the "strays" and on the few occasions we don't get any, we're quite happy (thankful) to be together.

Out in OK, most family (won't, or) won't be able to attend...
If that's a REAL problem for you, you may want to give it a LOT of thought...

I saw a heartbreaking thread here from a lady who was out in OK without most of her family and it really made her sad... (I feel for her.)

Only YOU can give yourself the answer to this vexing question.

I think you'll do fine from what I know of you.

M.

[peggydavis]

When my family first moved to OK long ago, we had no other family here. With 6 kids, though, we were a pretty good group. But it was still kind of sad with no grandmas or uncles.

Over the years we would invite other people to our celebrations, and our neighborhood had some traditions like caroling and fruitcake making. We usually now have a big Thanksgiving, but Christmas can have travel problems so we don't travel to each others houses much then.

[colleeng47]

Originally Posted by TheComputerGuy

The only close family on my side passed on many years ago, and with the exception of my in-laws, the rest were never anything to write home about.
(My in-laws go to FL in November... And we (sort of) celebrate Christmas with them before they leave.)

Working (and I'm NOT sure that's a good choice of words) in a soup kitchen, is a pretty satisfying thing to do... And especially good for the children. So you're doing a GOOD thing there already.

Many, many (even when we had family) years ago, we began inviting the "strays" (Friends who had no family... There are always plenty unfortunately for them.) and it makes for a really good holiday. I've never had a bad time yet... And up here, we still invite the "strays" and on the few occasions we don't get any, we're quite happy (thankful) to be together.

Out in OK, most family (won't, or) won't be able to attend...
If that's a REAL problem for you, you may want to give it a LOT of thought...

I saw a heartbreaking thread here from a lady who was out in OK without most of her family and it really made her sad... (I feel for her.)

Only YOU can give yourself the answer to this vexing question.

I think you'll do fine from what I know of you.

M.

No, not having family will not be a real problem for me. As long as I have my husband and kids I have my family. I'm just looking for ideas on how to "grow" my family. Add friends to my circle as it were. I like the idea of "strays" and tired that once, but couldn't find any??!!!

[bjb123]

Originally Posted by colleeng47

No, not having family will not be a real problem for me. As long as I have my husband and kids I have my family. I'm just looking for ideas on how to "grow" my family. Add friends to my circle as it were. I like the idea of "strays" and tired that once, but couldn't find any??!!!

If we were to move to OK we wouldn't have much family close by either. My immediate family is super small (I do have a close cousin in Dallas though). My inlaws (oh let's be honest some are outlaws), are numerous so it'll be somewhat of a relief to be without the drama. When I've been a "stray" at a holiday dinner, I've really enjoyed it. You don't have all of the family tensions or whatever going on.

I imagine, Colleen, you would probably meet a few people thru your children. I'm assuming their school age children.

Volunteering always sounds good to me too. It's a great way to get familiar with the community .

[TheComputerGuy]

Originally Posted by colleeng47

No, not having family will not be a real problem for me. As long as I have my husband and kids I have my family. I'm just looking for ideas on how to "grow" my family. Add friends to my circle as it were. I like the idea of "strays" and tired that once, but couldn't find any??!!!

No strays in NJ???

You could always host the OK Forum Winter Event! OUCH!!!
(Ooops... Sorry wrong thread...)

You could do like Peggy... I bet holidays are never dull with 6 kids.

Seriously though... No matter where I've lived, I've always met people who didn't have family (or didn't want to go to their family holiday events for various reasons) so (providing they're good people) we'd invite them. My wife is an excellent cook and she enjoys cooking the big holiday meals for people. My friends LOVE coming here to eat.

Looks like you already have the right idea, just expand it a bit.


M.

[jessaka]

I would say volunteering too. I had no other way to meet people here, unless you go to church. I have no neighbors either, which makes it harder in some ways. I just went to the Chamber of Commerce and got a list of clubs and other groups and began joining. I was really against this idea too because I knew they would put me to work, and as a retiree I just wanted to work on my new home and garden. But once I joined I found I really liked doing the work, and in a short time I have made friends. I am in Friends of the Library and the Garden Club and just started helping at a free food place.

For Christmas I started going to events around here as well as bazaars at churches, and that makes Christmas much more fun.

All I have is a DH and myself plus two dogs. We do fine. Both of our parents have all passed away.

[peggydavis]

I always wanted to go to the Red Andrews dinner at Christmas time. I think people who can afford to pay can just make a donation, and it always just sounded like a fun event.

I was one of 6 kids, I didn't have 6 kids.

[okpondlady]

Originally Posted by colleeng47

No, not having family will not be a real problem for me. As long as I have my husband and kids I have my family. I'm just looking for ideas on how to "grow" my family. Add friends to my circle as it were. I like the idea of "strays" and tired that once, but couldn't find any??!!!

Do what I did... sign up to be a Girl Scout Leader. I will guarentee you that you will find more "Strays" than you will probably want. But I have only had one time to regret it (so far). And that one hasn't been TO bad.