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Old 12-09-2017, 05:54 PM
Status: "Praise Be" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Trumpville
7,258 posts, read 3,292,749 times
Reputation: 6305

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I currently live in Oklahoma City and have been here since 2012. I grew up here, moved away in 2002, moved around to a few cities after graduating college in 2007 and then moved back home in 2012. Needless to say, I don't like OKC. I've had a difficult time being happy or content with myself since I've been here. I feel like the past five years since moving back here has been a "black hole" in my life and I really, really need a change of scenery. Also, being this close to my ultra-fundamentalist, preacher family makes it difficult to be myself. I am 32 now and I should be beyond this.

However, three things keep me from making the move.

1) Oklahoma City is large enough that it's not terrible. Yes, it's conservative, boring, ugly, has the worst weather in the continental US, and is blown away in terms of cultural vibrancy by metro areas half its size, but at least it's not a small town. My biggest issue with it is that I've spent plenty of time in other cities and for a city its size, it doesn't get any worse than Oklahoma City. The fact that it's my hometown also has me burned out on it. The social conservatism and the annual tornado season are also extremely exhausting aspects of living here. However, I would still prefer OKC over somewhere like Dodge City, KS or Fort Smith, Arkansas. It's kind of a situation where "it could be worse" is pushing me to settle.

2) I have a job I am satisfied in here. This is a big one. I have a decent job related to my career field and I like the work environment, my coworkers, and my boss. I have been at the same job for five years and am liked by my boss. This is hard to just walk away from as I've been on the other side of the fence, living in a city I loved but in a job I hate. I wouldn't want to go back to that either. Finding a job in another state before I move is something that most likely isn't going to happen due to the fact that 95% of employers will only consider local candidates, especially at my career level.

3) My car payment. I made perhaps the dumbest mistake of my life in 2014 when I bought a car I couldn't afford and didn't even really want, but I signed the dotted line and am stuck with it. I cannot sell it due to the negative equity on the loan so my only option is to either wait it out or voluntary repossession. At this point, I am only two years from having it paid off and I will own it outright. In the mean time though, it means that if I wanted to move, I would have to have a job lined up making at least what I am making now BEFORE moving. I couldn't take a throwaway job during the transition because I wouldn't be able to afford my car.

I currently have about $8,000 saved in the bank. If I didn't have my car, that would be enough for me to move to another city and start a new life. I'm not extremely picky about where I live as long as it's a major city. Other than OKC, there are only a few of the Top 50 metros I have a strong objection to (St Louis, Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Salt Lake City are the ones that come to mind). Despite the risk, I also realize I am not getting any younger. I've wasted a half decade of my life in this situation where I just haven't been able to find happiness and I don't like the idea of wasting more time. On the other hand, I will be able to do it much more comfortably and responsibly if I wait until 2020.

In this situation, what would you do?

 
Old 12-10-2017, 10:41 AM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,063 posts, read 8,223,271 times
Reputation: 9353
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
I currently live in Oklahoma City and have been here since 2012. I grew up here, moved away in 2002, moved around to a few cities after graduating college in 2007 and then moved back home in 2012. Needless to say, I don't like OKC. I've had a difficult time being happy or content with myself since I've been here. I feel like the past five years since moving back here has been a "black hole" in my life and I really, really need a change of scenery. Also, being this close to my ultra-fundamentalist, preacher family makes it difficult to be myself. I am 32 now and I should be beyond this.

However, three things keep me from making the move.

1) Oklahoma City is large enough that it's not terrible. Yes, it's conservative, boring, ugly, has the worst weather in the continental US, and is blown away in terms of cultural vibrancy by metro areas half its size, but at least it's not a small town. My biggest issue with it is that I've spent plenty of time in other cities and for a city its size, it doesn't get any worse than Oklahoma City. The fact that it's my hometown also has me burned out on it. The social conservatism and the annual tornado season are also extremely exhausting aspects of living here. However, I would still prefer OKC over somewhere like Dodge City, KS or Fort Smith, Arkansas. It's kind of a situation where "it could be worse" is pushing me to settle.

2) I have a job I am satisfied in here. This is a big one. I have a decent job related to my career field and I like the work environment, my coworkers, and my boss. I have been at the same job for five years and am liked by my boss. This is hard to just walk away from as I've been on the other side of the fence, living in a city I loved but in a job I hate. I wouldn't want to go back to that either. Finding a job in another state before I move is something that most likely isn't going to happen due to the fact that 95% of employers will only consider local candidates, especially at my career level.

3) My car payment. I made perhaps the dumbest mistake of my life in 2014 when I bought a car I couldn't afford and didn't even really want, but I signed the dotted line and am stuck with it. I cannot sell it due to the negative equity on the loan so my only option is to either wait it out or voluntary repossession. At this point, I am only two years from having it paid off and I will own it outright. In the mean time though, it means that if I wanted to move, I would have to have a job lined up making at least what I am making now BEFORE moving. I couldn't take a throwaway job during the transition because I wouldn't be able to afford my car.

I currently have about $8,000 saved in the bank. If I didn't have my car, that would be enough for me to move to another city and start a new life. I'm not extremely picky about where I live as long as it's a major city. Other than OKC, there are only a few of the Top 50 metros I have a strong objection to (St Louis, Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Salt Lake City are the ones that come to mind). Despite the risk, I also realize I am not getting any younger. I've wasted a half decade of my life in this situation where I just haven't been able to find happiness and I don't like the idea of wasting more time. On the other hand, I will be able to do it much more comfortably and responsibly if I wait until 2020.

In this situation, what would you do?
Yes, it seems moving back home is often a mistake for people, as you're finding out. I'm not sure why the car payment is stopping you. I've had car payments on a nearly perpetual basis. That has never factored into anything. $8,000 may be enough to start out with, depending on where you move. I'd start looking now.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 11:15 AM
Status: "Praise Be" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Trumpville
7,258 posts, read 3,292,749 times
Reputation: 6305
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
Yes, it seems moving back home is often a mistake for people, as you're finding out. I'm not sure why the car payment is stopping you. I've had car payments on a nearly perpetual basis. That has never factored into anything. $8,000 may be enough to start out with, depending on where you move. I'd start looking now.
My car payment is stopping me because it's $450/month. If I had a cheaper payment it wouldn't be as big of a deal. With that kind of car payment, it makes moving without a job very risky. I could probably pull it off but I would be making a major gamble that could leave me in a situation much worse than I am in right now.

And I agree regarding moving home. I have been living in perpetual regret for that decision since pretty much day one. While things haven't been all bad, it's been over five years since I've felt any kind of contentment with my life. My life has ranged from downright miserable to tolerable.

Last edited by bawac34618; 12-10-2017 at 11:26 AM..
 
Old 12-10-2017, 12:26 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,063 posts, read 8,223,271 times
Reputation: 9353
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
My car payment is stopping me because it's $450/month. If I had a cheaper payment it wouldn't be as big of a deal. With that kind of car payment, it makes moving without a job very risky. I could probably pull it off but I would be making a major gamble that could leave me in a situation much worse than I am in right now.

And I agree regarding moving home. I have been living in perpetual regret for that decision since pretty much day one. While things haven't been all bad, it's been over five years since I've felt any kind of contentment with my life. My life has ranged from downright miserable to tolerable.
Moving without a job is a terrible idea. Honestly, I don't know why people do that. Find a job first and then your move should go much more smoothly.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 01:06 PM
Status: "Praise Be" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: Trumpville
7,258 posts, read 3,292,749 times
Reputation: 6305
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
Moving without a job is a terrible idea. Honestly, I don't know why people do that. Find a job first and then your move should go much more smoothly.
Problem is that if I don't move without a job, I probably am never moving. People who move without jobs sometimes do so because that's what it takes to make the move a reality. If they don't do that, they might get interview after interview but no offers because they aren't a local candidate. 95% of employers will only consider local candidates unless you are in management. I might be willing to lie about my address on my resume if I was in a situation where I was unemployed, but I don't think I could pull it off while still at my current job. This is a first world problem. I have a decent job and am doing well for myself here. I just don't like where I live and I don't think I can ever like it, especially after the experiences I had during my initial years after college. Everything about it just rubs me the wrong way. I need to live in a major metropolitan area and/or somewhere with at least some kind of natural beauty.

I do agree though. If I moved without a job right now it would be incredibly risky. If I wait until 2020 when I get my car paid off and I have a few thousand more in the bank it would be much more feasible. Even then there will still be risk.

Unfortunately that means two more years of my life just waiting and not living. I also don't know what the economy will be like in 2020. My guess is not good.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 02:14 PM
Status: "I am in preparation mode!" (set 12 days ago)
 
5,515 posts, read 5,511,850 times
Reputation: 4212
Quote:
Originally Posted by bawac34618 View Post
I currently live in Oklahoma City and have been here since 2012. I grew up here, moved away in 2002, moved around to a few cities after graduating college in 2007 and then moved back home in 2012. Needless to say, I don't like OKC. I've had a difficult time being happy or content with myself since I've been here. I feel like the past five years since moving back here has been a "black hole" in my life and I really, really need a change of scenery. Also, being this close to my ultra-fundamentalist, preacher family makes it difficult to be myself. I am 32 now and I should be beyond this.

However, three things keep me from making the move.

1) Oklahoma City is large enough that it's not terrible. Yes, it's conservative, boring, ugly, has the worst weather in the continental US, and is blown away in terms of cultural vibrancy by metro areas half its size, but at least it's not a small town. My biggest issue with it is that I've spent plenty of time in other cities and for a city its size, it doesn't get any worse than Oklahoma City. The fact that it's my hometown also has me burned out on it. The social conservatism and the annual tornado season are also extremely exhausting aspects of living here. However, I would still prefer OKC over somewhere like Dodge City, KS or Fort Smith, Arkansas. It's kind of a situation where "it could be worse" is pushing me to settle.

2) I have a job I am satisfied in here. This is a big one. I have a decent job related to my career field and I like the work environment, my coworkers, and my boss. I have been at the same job for five years and am liked by my boss. This is hard to just walk away from as I've been on the other side of the fence, living in a city I loved but in a job I hate. I wouldn't want to go back to that either. Finding a job in another state before I move is something that most likely isn't going to happen due to the fact that 95% of employers will only consider local candidates, especially at my career level.

3) My car payment. I made perhaps the dumbest mistake of my life in 2014 when I bought a car I couldn't afford and didn't even really want, but I signed the dotted line and am stuck with it. I cannot sell it due to the negative equity on the loan so my only option is to either wait it out or voluntary repossession. At this point, I am only two years from having it paid off and I will own it outright. In the mean time though, it means that if I wanted to move, I would have to have a job lined up making at least what I am making now BEFORE moving. I couldn't take a throwaway job during the transition because I wouldn't be able to afford my car.


I currently have about $8,000 saved in the bank. If I didn't have my car, that would be enough for me to move to another city and start a new life. I'm not extremely picky about where I live as long as it's a major city. Other than OKC, there are only a few of the Top 50 metros I have a strong objection to (St Louis, Cleveland, Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Salt Lake City are the ones that come to mind). Despite the risk, I also realize I am not getting any younger. I've wasted a half decade of my life in this situation where I just haven't been able to find happiness and I don't like the idea of wasting more time. On the other hand, I will be able to do it much more comfortably and responsibly if I wait until 2020.

In this situation, what would you do?
That is a tough one. I think you should move to another neighborhood and get involved in activities that you enjoy.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 02:29 PM
Status: "I am in preparation mode!" (set 12 days ago)
 
5,515 posts, read 5,511,850 times
Reputation: 4212
Quote:
Originally Posted by NDak15 View Post
Moving without a job is a terrible idea. Honestly, I don't know why people do that. Find a job first and then your move should go much more smoothly.
I plan to move without a job. It is not ideal but searching for a job remotely does not always work.

There are no guarantees. Securing employment prior to moving does not mean the employment will work out. People get laid off and sometimes the opportunity not does work out.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 03:00 PM
 
Location: North Dakota
7,063 posts, read 8,223,271 times
Reputation: 9353
I've never had the luxury of moving without a job lined out. I never had that kind of money in savings. And I've lived in three different states (I most recently moved two years ago) and in all of those instances there was at least one place that didn't care if I wasn't a local candidate. I'd look for a job right now but if you don't find one then maybe set a deadline of 2020 for moving.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
2,437 posts, read 1,335,463 times
Reputation: 2738
Good luck to you.
 
Old 12-10-2017, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,305 posts, read 10,071,985 times
Reputation: 20460
Find a job. See if you can afford that car with the new job. If you can't, trade it in for something you can afford. Move to wherever you find a job. I wouldn't move anywhere without a job. Absolutely not if you have debt that you already can't afford.
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