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Old 05-28-2008, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Cedar City, Utah
4,162 posts, read 5,652,992 times
Reputation: 1570
Quote:
Originally Posted by verynicebecky View Post
Oh gees. I learned that my husband was having an affair. I made this discovery on Christmas Eve of 1997. He was at that time a police officer, having an affair with one of the dispatchers. When I confronted him, he was relieved..didn't know how he was gonna tell me..blah, blah, blah. I wanted to work on the marriage, he wanted out..so out he went. I was devistated. I didn't even get an attorney. Luckily I gained custody of all 3 kids. Anyway, he married this lady and they bought a farm (this happened in Harper Co.) A yr later he files to gain custody of the kids. I was a single working mom. I had been dating a minister who moved onto Colorado. I got a notice in the mail for a court date for the custody hearing in one month (this was the 1st I was learning about this). I was still in communication with the minister. I called him and sought out an attorney. The attorney suggested that I get married so things would appear "stable." So, you can guess what happened. Yes, the minister moved back to OK and we quickly got married...and like magic the custody court date was cancelled. I quit my job as the town newspaper reporter, we moved across the state line into KS and I spent 4 miserable yrs married to the minister. We divorced when the older kids were of age to decide whom they wanted to live with. They stayed with me and we remained in KS for a school yr and then we moved to Nevada. My daughter stayed back to attend college in KS and my older son went back to KS and lived with my divorce attorney (his son was my son's best friend) for his 11th grade yr. This option was not available to him this yr and he opted to move in with his dad and graduate hs from Laverne, which he did the other night. Things have been fine and dandy up until this point. I just learned this morning that my ex and his wife are divorcing and he is involved with another woman with 3 young kids. I did not learn this from him. I learned part of it from our youngest son, who has been stressed out keeping it a secret for a week about his dad divorcing (he didn't know about the GF) and his dad putting pressure upon him to move and live in OK with him. I learned about the GF by contacting an old friend back there, and then when the ex called me a bit ago about plane tickets for our son, I asked him why our son was having a melt down and my ex confirmed everything that I learned this morn! It just pisses me off that I had to get married to appear that I was in a "stable relationship" just to keep custody of my kids and this A$$hole can't keep his ownself in a "stable" relationship...so, that is my rant.
Geez you poor thing. I feel like having a drink after reading that...and I don't drink!! Good luck
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Old 05-28-2008, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Cedar City, Utah
4,162 posts, read 5,652,992 times
Reputation: 1570
Quote:
Originally Posted by verynicebecky View Post
Oh gees. I learned that my husband was having an affair. I made this discovery on Christmas Eve of 1997. He was at that time a police officer, having an affair with one of the dispatchers. When I confronted him, he was relieved..didn't know how he was gonna tell me..blah, blah, blah. I wanted to work on the marriage, he wanted out..so out he went. I was devistated. I didn't even get an attorney. Luckily I gained custody of all 3 kids. Anyway, he married this lady and they bought a farm (this happened in Harper Co.) A yr later he files to gain custody of the kids. I was a single working mom. I had been dating a minister who moved onto Colorado. I got a notice in the mail for a court date for the custody hearing in one month (this was the 1st I was learning about this). I was still in communication with the minister. I called him and sought out an attorney. The attorney suggested that I get married so things would appear "stable." So, you can guess what happened. Yes, the minister moved back to OK and we quickly got married...and like magic the custody court date was cancelled. I quit my job as the town newspaper reporter, we moved across the state line into KS and I spent 4 miserable yrs married to the minister. We divorced when the older kids were of age to decide whom they wanted to live with. They stayed with me and we remained in KS for a school yr and then we moved to Nevada. My daughter stayed back to attend college in KS and my older son went back to KS and lived with my divorce attorney (his son was my son's best friend) for his 11th grade yr. This option was not available to him this yr and he opted to move in with his dad and graduate hs from Laverne, which he did the other night. Things have been fine and dandy up until this point. I just learned this morning that my ex and his wife are divorcing and he is involved with another woman with 3 young kids. I did not learn this from him. I learned part of it from our youngest son, who has been stressed out keeping it a secret for a week about his dad divorcing (he didn't know about the GF) and his dad putting pressure upon him to move and live in OK with him. I learned about the GF by contacting an old friend back there, and then when the ex called me a bit ago about plane tickets for our son, I asked him why our son was having a melt down and my ex confirmed everything that I learned this morn! It just pisses me off that I had to get married to appear that I was in a "stable relationship" just to keep custody of my kids and this A$$hole can't keep his ownself in a "stable" relationship...so, that is my rant.
I don't want to bash police or dispatchers for sure because we need them, but I used to work for a city and alot of that stuff goes on...not sure why...
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Old 05-28-2008, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Galax, VA
692 posts, read 1,781,175 times
Reputation: 377
Ty for your sympathy. It has been over a week since the ex called and our son hasn't wanted to call him back. I don't know what is going on this summer.

Yes, lots of things happen. I understand that in law enforcement not everything can be talked about "outside of the office." It got to the point to where I stopped asking about his day because when I did, "If I wanted you to know I would tell you," is what I would get in response. They both worked the night shift and had more to talk about then he and I did. It is fine. I got over it. I hated that he cheated but I wished them well and went on with my life. For the year and a half that I remained in that town he kept an eye out on me. If I dated someone then I had to hear his opinion about the guy I was dating. I even had someone tell me that he wouldn't ask me out due to my ex being a cop in town. Even after marrying a minister and moving across the state line, my ex knew a lot that went on in my life. The kids and I moved out here 4 yrs ago for a short time and I even thought he might have called the local police here to keep tabs on me. I ended up moving back to Kansas and keeping a low profile. Even though my ex is no longer in Law Enforcement, I still keep a low profile.

Did I like Oklahoma? I have so many ties to Oklahoma that I wonder what it is that keeps me from moving back. I guess it is the ex, and my mom who lives here (reason why I am in NV). It took me years to get used to living in a rural town. Wouldn't be so bad now since they have a store that is open all night long. I do want to leave NV someday.
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Old 05-28-2008, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Cedar City, Utah
4,162 posts, read 5,652,992 times
Reputation: 1570
Quote:
Originally Posted by verynicebecky View Post
Ty for your sympathy. It has been over a week since the ex called and our son hasn't wanted to call him back. I don't know what is going on this summer.

Yes, lots of things happen. I understand that in law enforcement not everything can be talked about "outside of the office." It got to the point to where I stopped asking about his day because when I did, "If I wanted you to know I would tell you," is what I would get in response. They both worked the night shift and had more to talk about then he and I did. It is fine. I got over it. I hated that he cheated but I wished them well and went on with my life. For the year and a half that I remained in that town he kept an eye out on me. If I dated someone then I had to hear his opinion about the guy I was dating. I even had someone tell me that he wouldn't ask me out due to my ex being a cop in town. Even after marrying a minister and moving across the state line, my ex knew a lot that went on in my life. The kids and I moved out here 4 yrs ago for a short time and I even thought he might have called the local police here to keep tabs on me. I ended up moving back to Kansas and keeping a low profile. Even though my ex is no longer in Law Enforcement, I still keep a low profile.

Did I like Oklahoma? I have so many ties to Oklahoma that I wonder what it is that keeps me from moving back. I guess it is the ex, and my mom who lives here (reason why I am in NV). It took me years to get used to living in a rural town. Wouldn't be so bad now since they have a store that is open all night long. I do want to leave NV someday.

I heard it's hard to be married to someone in law enforcement too. My good friend was married to an undercover cop in Utah and she was never good enough for him. He thought he was it and had several affairs. She gave him many chances but he wouldnt stop.

yes family usually keeps you in the state you are in. My marriage took me to Oklahoma but all my 4 of my 5 kids are in Utah.

good luck with the ex...he sounds like hes a "chore".
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