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I'm about to graduate from college, and I've lived in OKC and Tulsa, so I may have some insight into this.
Much has already been said, but based on your original post, you want higher density, a good local music scene, hole-in-the-wall restaurants, cultural amenities and architecture.
Density: This has been covered, but Tulsa is much more densely populated than Oklahoma City. Tulsa: 2,152 people/sq. mi. OKC: 871 people/sq. mi. There are some areas in Tulsa that have densities of over 5,200 people/sq. mi, like the ZIP code I live in (74104). There are around five or six ZIP codes in Tulsa with population densities of greater than 5,000. There are some places in OKC (73106, f.e.) which have densities of between 4,000 and 5,000, but Tulsa is 2.5 times as dense. Some out-of-state relatives of mine recently went to Oklahoma City for a funeral and noted how strange it was that on the map, it looked like they were pretty close to the center of the city/metro, but that there appeared to be nothing around them except fields. That's a pretty common sight in Oklahoma City. Having been spread out over such a massive area gives a pretty empty feeling to many places.
Local Music: Tulsa and Oklahoma City both have a good music scene. That being said, however, Tulsa's is a much larger scene. Locals can be found playing pretty much everywhere, but Brookside, Cherry Street, Blue Dome, and the Brady District all have their unique brands of the Tulsa Sound. The music scene became so large in Tulsa that a few years ago, DFEST (DiversaFest) was born. DFEST is a music festival which includes workshops and conferences for unsigned bands looking to sign with independent labels, plus two solid days of concerts. How big is it? Last year, more than 120 bands performed in front of 65,000 people on more than a dozen stages in downtown Tulsa. DFEST has several local and regional bands, but also includes national acts like the All-American Rejects and the Flaming Lips (both of which are from Oklahoma). David Cook, who recently won American Idol, moved to Tulsa from Kansas City specifically for its music scene, and played with a local Tulsa Band, the Midwest Kings, for four or five years before deciding to audition.
Actually, music can be found anywhere in Oklahoma, and not just the country variety, though they tend to be the most popular. Some Oklahoma stars include: Garth Brooks (Yukon/Owasso), Reba McEntire (Stringtown), All-American Rejects (Stillwater), Hanson (Tulsa), Flaming Lips (OKC), Brooks & Dunn (Tulsa), Carrie Underwood (Checotah), Hinder (Norman), Gene Autry (Ravia), Chet Baker (Tulsa), Woody Guthrie (Okemah), Vince Gill (Norman), Toby Keith (Norman), Color Me Badd (OKC), Jacob Fred Jazz Odyssey (Tulsa), and Dwight Twilley (Tulsa).
Tulsa's music scene is the largest in the state, but anywhere you go in Oklahoma, you're going to have great music.
Hole-in-the-walls: Oklahoma City and Tulsa both have tons of hole-in-the-wall restaurants and bars. It's pretty nice to have the option of trying something new every week that isn't a chain.
Culture: Many people refer to Tulsa as the Cultural Capital of the state, and for good reason.
The Tulsa Ballet has been known as one of the best ballet companies in the nation since its inception in the 1950s. It has received consistent critical acclaim. After travelling to Lisbon, Portugal, the Portuguese magazine Semanario named the Tulsa Ballet "one of the best in the world". The company has received two feature articles in Dance Magazine during the past seven years, has been featured in the New York Times, Pointe Magazine and Dance Europe, among others. In March of 2008, Tulsa Ballet was featured on the cover of Pointe magazine, a distinction given to only one ballet company each year. Many of the world's best choreographers have worked with Tulsa Ballet including (among many), Jerome Robbins, Twila Tharp and Leonide Massine.
Tulsa Opera has had great success, as well. It is the 18th oldest opera company in the U.S., and is ranked among the top 10 regional operas in the country. Singers such as Luciano Pavarotti, Leontyne Price, Joan Sutherland, Sherrill Milnes, and Beverly Sills have performed with the company.
The Tulsa Performing Arts Center plays host not only to the Tulsa Ballet, Tulsa Opera and the Tulsa Symphony Orchestra. Arts organizations that use the hall also include Chamber Music Tulsa, Tulsa Oratorio Chorus, Celebrity Attractions Broadway Series, American Theater Company, Theatre Tulsa, Theatre North, Tulsa Town Hall and Light Opera Oklahoma (LOOK). The Tulsa PAC also attracts touring shows and headline performers such as Michael Bublé, Chris Botti and B.B. King. It was designed by World Trade Center architect Minoru Yamasaki.
Philbrook Museum of Art houses exhibitions from around the world, including one of the finest permanent collections of Renaissance and Baroque art and sculpture in the United States. The Italian Renaissance villa and its grounds were inspired by the Villa Lante, south of Rome. It contains 23 acres of beautifully maintained formal and informal gardens, and a grotto, with artwork dispersed throughout.
Gilcrease Museum houses the world's largest, most comprehensive collection of art of the American West as well as a growing collection of art and artifacts from Central and South America. The archaeology collections are comprised of 300,000 artifacts, covering prehistoric and historic archaeology and ethnographic materials from native American, Hispanic, pre-Columbian, and Anglo-American cultural traditions. The archival collection at Gilcrease Museum contains over 100,000 books, manuscripts, documents, and maps ranging from 1494 to the present. Themed gardens have been developed on twenty-three of the museum's 460 acres. These gardens reflect gardening styles and techniques from four time periods in the American West: Pre-Columbian, Pioneer, Colonial and Victorian, as well as a rock garden. Gilcrease is the only known art museum to have these educational and gardens on one site.
Sherwin Miller Museum of Jewish Art is the largest depository of Judaica in the southwest, and the only American Jewish museum in the region.
Tulsa Historical Society, housed in the Travis Mansion, is the city's history museum. The collection contains nearly 5,000 still photographs, books, maps, documents, graphics, historical costumes and architectural remnants, and fine and decorative arts.
The Brady Theater, listed on the National Register of Historic Places, has hosted some of the most famous performers in history (too many to mention).
Cain's Ballroom is perhaps even more well-known than the Brady Theater. Like the Brady, the list of performers who have graced its stage is too long to be displayed here.
Some other Tulsa cultural institutions include the Tulsa Signature Symphony, Theatre Tulsa and the Oklahoma Aquarium (across the Arkansas River, technically in Jenks). Brookside, Cherry Street and the 18th & Boston area all contain many art galleries.
Oklahoma City: Civic Center Music Hall is the home of the Canterbury Choral Society, OKC Philharmonic, OKC Repertory Theater and the OKC Theater Company. Ballet Oklahoma also calls the Civic Center home, but due to its dismal financial situation and dwindling public support, has recently approached the Tulsa Ballet for help. They have proposed a merger between the two institutions, mainly so they could benefit from Tulsa Ballet's abundant finances. If a merger doesn't occur (or if a donor doesn't step forward), Ballet Oklahoma has the possibility of being dissolved.
Oklahoma City is also home to the National Cowboy Hall of Fame and the Oklahoma City Bombing Memorial and Museum. The Paseo arts district contains several galleries.
Architecture: Tulsa is known nationally as a mecca for Art Deco architecture. It has one of the highest concentrations of Art Deco in the nation. However, up to half of its art deco icons have been destroyed since the 1950s. The Boston Avenue Methodist Church is considered as one of the finest examples of Zig-Zag Art Deco in the world, and is the only National Historic Landmark in the state. Other famous examples of Tulsa's art deco include the Philcade, Warehouse Market, Public Service Company Building, Christ the King Church, Pythian Building, Tulsa Union Depot, Tulsa State Fairground Pavilion, City Veterinary Hospital, Rogers High School, Fire Alarm Building, Ambassador Hotel, Tulsa Monument Company, and S&J Oyster Company.
Downtown Tulsa's Philtower is a combination of Gothic Revival and Zig-Zag Art Deco, featuring terra cotta tiles and neon lights on the roof, and gargoyles over the entrances. Next door, the 46-story Mid-Continent Tower, with a wonderful Venetian-Gothic terra cotta facade, has won several national national awards. The Adams Hotel features a highly ornate facade in an imaginative combination of Gothic, Italian Renaissance, and Baroque decorations. There are many more examples of fine architecture in Tulsa, but these are the most well-known. Tulsa's architecture is so well-known that Tulsa has been chosen to host the National Preservation Conference this fall, and has been featured on the cover of Preservation Magazine and Yahoo News.
Oklahoma City: The Skirvin Hotel, First National Center, Civic Center Music Hall, Colcord Hotel and the State Capitol are probbly the best representatives of good architecture in Oklahoma City.
Based on your criteria, I would recommend you move to Tulsa. It's the densest-populated, most culturally, musically and architecturally rich city in Oklahoma.
Some people have commented on the toll roads which surround Tulsa in every direction. While it is true, one must recognize why that is. There is an intense, bitter rivalry between Oklahoma City and Tulsa, as has been the case since statehood. The capitol has provided that the two major interstates that intersect Oklahoma City, I-35 and I-40, are completely free highways throughout the state, while every major highway the leads to, from or around Tulsa, is tolled. It was no accident that 7 of the 10 turnpikes in the state surround Tulsa. There has been a consistent, measured effort to deny transportation funding to Tulsa for decades. For example, I-44 in Tulsa has been known as one of the most dangerous sections of interstate highway in the nation for the past three decades, and has remained basically un-altered since it was built in the late 1950s and early 1960s. It has needed widening and repair for the last thirty years, but the project has been denied funding until the last few years. Even in 1990, two state legislators rejected Federal funding for the highway project and instead, diverted the funds to the I-40 project in Oklahoma City. This is but one example of Tulsa's treatment by those who decide funding at the State Capitol. Tulsa's city roads are in pretty bad shape (rated 'D' on the Pavement Conditions Index), but Oklahoma City's are no better (rated 'F' on the same Pavement Conditions Index). Both cities have major plans for street rehab, so this issue is likely to be less of one within the next five years.
Another point was brought up earlier in this thread that Tulsa doesn't have a big, state university. That, also, is not by accident. Tulsa does have the University of Tulsa and Oral Roberts University, both of which are private and have between 4,000 and 5,000 students, but there are no public, four-year, comprehensive universities in Tulsa. While small towns like Miami, Durant, Alva and Weatherford (all under 15,000 people) have state universities, Tulsa has none. Tulsa now has branches of OU and OSU, but neither are comprehensive, and anyone wishing to earn a degree from either must travel to Stillwater or Norman to finish. Tulsa is still one of the largest cities in the nation without a four-year public university. Where is Education money controlled, and where are decisions about where to place universities? The State Capitol in Oklahoma City. There is a reason Tulsa has no public universities while both Edmond and Norman, suburbs of Oklahoma City, do.
So, while some may say the highways around Tulsa are rough to drive on (and they are), that to get to Tulsa via any major highway you have to pay a toll (and you do), and that there aren't any big, public universities around Tulsa (and there aren't), it's important to remember why that is, and where and by whom the decisions were made.
I'm not trying to start an argument about/between the two cities, I'm just explaining why transportation and higher education in and around Tulsa is the way it is.
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