Orange County. Why so unfriendly? (Long Beach: fit in, living, to move)

[mxcolin]

We moved to Orange County from the UK about 3 months ago. We love the weather, everything is clean and immaculate, I have a really easy commute, the beaches are great, all in it's a fantastic place to live.... BUT...

Why is everyone so unfriendly? OK I know it's not everyone, I am generalising to make a point but there seems to be an unnerving distrust of people. We are a young family with a 2 year old daughter and we are from overseas with (what I'm told is a pretty interesting accent) and the prevailing attitude seems to be a mixture of total lack of interest, distrust and hostility. I don't want to be everyone's friend and I don't expect everyone to like me but as someone who up until I moved here found Americans to be extremely friendly we are a little surprised. We have met some very nice people but they are mostly from outside of OC, Long Beach, Midwest, East Coast etc. I've spent a lot of time on the East Coast where people couldn't be more interested and accomodating.

We take our daughter to parks and the beach and if you try to strike up a conversation with a local, it's like "don't try and pollute my world with your strange and foreign ideas. I'm perfectly happy in my little bubble so don't even dare to try and burst it!!!"

I love the US and California, and I'm not the type to relocate and then surround myself with fellow Brits but just thought I would share this and see if you have any thoughts?

PS. LOVE THE WEATHER :-)

[jwblue]

I have been all around the country. As a whole Orange County people are the friendliest and sanest people I have ever met.

Not everyone's personality is a good fit in a particular city.

I have lived in cities where my personality did not work well.

A good idea might be to change your personality a little. Orange County people are very laid back. Europeans tend to be a little
high strung.

This is constructive criticism. You are likely doing something to create that lack of interest, distrust, and hostility. From your post, you seem a little too serious.
It could be the way you dress as well. I don't know. In Orange County, anything that makes you different is going to make people less open to communicating with you.
Do you wear sandals or flip flops all the time when it is warm? T-shirts? It could be something as simple as that.

I grew up on the East Coast. It took a while for me to fit in here. I realized I couldn't act or talk the same (including what I talked about) if I was going to fit in.
For the most part, people here aren't interested in talking about serious topics.

My grandfather used to say, "If it isn't funny, it is not worth saying." In general, that is a good rule here.

Another thing. Don't complain about little things. That is is an east coast trait and THAT more than anything will alienate you here.

When in Rome ......

[mxcolin]

Thanks for the reply. You could be right. It does seem quite conformist here and maybe it's me. I don't think I'm overly serious in fact I find people here to be overly serious and I can't agree with Europeans being more highly strung. I know a lot of Europeans and Americans and Americans are way more highly strung. Having said that I like it here so maybe I just need to stick at it.

[jwblue]

Originally Posted by mxcolin

Thanks for the reply. You could be right. It does seem quite conformist here and maybe it's me. I don't think I'm overly serious in fact I find people here to be overly serious and I can't agree with Europeans being more highly strung. I know a lot of Europeans and Americans and Americans are way more highly strung. Having said that I like it here so maybe I just need to stick at it.

I thought about what you are saying about American's being more high strung. Our definition of high strung and being serious might be different

I think you might be referring to people in OC finding things offensive when in other parts of the world, people wouldn't. People in Orange County in general don't speak unless we have something good to say. Europeans and a lot of other people in the world tend to mention the little and often meaningless things. We are not as accepting of that type of talk. It is not because we are high strung. It is because it is not our culture.

That way of talking will not work here. I know it comes across as being critical, but it is the only way to learn.

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by mxcolin

Thanks for the reply. You could be right. It does seem quite conformist here and maybe it's me. I don't think I'm overly serious in fact I find people here to be overly serious and I can't agree with Europeans being more highly strung. I know a lot of Europeans and Americans and Americans are way more highly strung. Having said that I like it here so maybe I just need to stick at it.

I'm somewhat familiar with continental Europeans (who are very different from Brits) and they behave similarly to what you're describing about Orange County. The Italians and French for example are very oriented toward family and close friends and not as accepting of outsiders.

Texans are much more likely to offer you the type of easy friendliness you seek. They say the same things you do about the rest of us.

[jwblue]

I will say this.

As I mentioned, the people in Orange County are the friendliest and sanest people I have been around.

However, fitting in can be difficult. Like you mentioned, conforming is important.

[mxcolin]

Guys these replies are actually really helpful. I am from a culture where we constantly complain about little things. We are quite a sarcastic culture and one of the reasons I moved to America was because I love your positivity. I know Europeans well and while I agree that the French are very much like you describe and the Italians a little less so, the Germans and the Spanish are nothing like this. The Czechs and the Romanians are much like you describe as well.

[CAVA1990]

Originally Posted by mxcolin

Guys these replies are actually really helpful. I am from a culture where we constantly complain about little things. We are quite a sarcastic culture and one of the reasons I moved to America was because I love your positivity. I know Europeans well and while I agree that the French are very much like you describe and the Italians a little less so, the Germans and the Spanish are nothing like this. The Czechs and the Romanians are much like you describe as well.

Rest assured it has nothing to do where you come from either. They act that way to folks arriving from anywhere outside Orange County. You'll probably notice it even more along the coast. If you were a long timer living somewhere that was constantly being invaded by people you felt wer crowding you out, you might not be so outsider-friendly either. It was like that, if not worse, when I moved there about 45 years ago. I actually decided to move away because I couldn't hack the crowds there anymore.

[luckodeirish]

I feel badly that you are not having a great experience here. I was born and raised in OC. I agree that if you don't "fit in" you may have some difficulties here. However, most people I know here love sarcastic Brit humor and would probably enjoy talking with you.
Keep at it you are bound to find people you enjoy at some point, or at least wear them down so they will socialize with you

[mxcolin]

Thanks for the message. We are having a great time here, I think we just thought it would be a little different.