Families w/ same sex parents? (Los Angeles, San Diego: rent, HOA fees, crime)

[urpilotfriend]

Hi everyone. First off, I was born and raised in Orange County (City of Orange) and have been gone for a while now. I was curious how families with same-sex parents (two fathers) would be viewed in South County. I know that the majority of OC is pretty conservative and it had a large support for prop 8, and that is fine, but will the cities of Mission Viejo, Aliso Viejo, Rancho Santa Margarita and Lake Forest be alright for two men to raise a family? I've been out of the loop, and quite frankly did not give it much thought when I grew up there.

We love the outdoors (ride dirt bikes, camp, hike, mountain bike, kids are in soccer, baseball, gymnastics, etc, etc.) Gay activism isn't our thing, and anyone who has meet us wouldn't have guessed we were gay. Basically what I am trying to say is, many people feel that gay families want to live in "gay" areas, with many gay activities and events (pride parades, festivals). We don't want that at all, and that really has never been our scene. We want a wholesome, family-friendly, clean place to raise a family with lots of recreational things (hike, camp, mountain bike, dirt bike) to do.

Should I even consider coming "home" with a family?

Also, how is the drive up to John Wayne airport or LAX? I am a pilot for a major airline and am based out of those two airports. I'd be driving up there about once a week then driving back home 3-4 days later. I know OC traffic sucks, but has it gotten any worse/better?

Thanks for the help folks!

[nmnita]

Originally Posted by urpilotfriend

Hi everyone. First off, I was born and raised in Orange County (City of Orange) and have been gone for a while now. I was curious how families with same-sex parents (two fathers) would be viewed in South County. I know that the majority of OC is pretty conservative and it had a large support for prop 8, and that is fine, but will the cities of Mission Viejo, Aliso Viejo, Rancho Santa Margarita and Lake Forest be alright for two men to raise a family? I've been out of the loop, and quite frankly did not give it much thought when I grew up there.

We love the outdoors (ride dirt bikes, camp, hike, mountain bike, kids are in soccer, baseball, gymnastics, etc, etc.) Gay activism isn't our thing, and anyone who has meet us wouldn't have guessed we were gay. Basically what I am trying to say is, many people feel that gay families want to live in "gay" areas, with many gay activities and events (pride parades, festivals). We don't want that at all, and that really has never been our scene. We want a wholesome, family-friendly, clean place to raise a family with lots of recreational things (hike, camp, mountain bike, dirt bike) to do.

Should I even consider coming "home" with a family?

Also, how is the drive up to John Wayne airport or LAX? I am a pilot for a major airline and am based out of those two airports. I'd be driving up there about once a week then driving back home 3-4 days later. I know OC traffic sucks, but has it gotten any worse/better?

Thanks for the help folks!

wow, that is a tough one? I would guess and this is must an educated guess, you would probably be happier in maybe, SGV or SFV..OC is still so conservative even though it is changing some.

Nita

[Charles]

Originally Posted by urpilotfriend

will the cities of Mission Viejo, Aliso Viejo, Rancho Santa Margarita and Lake Forest be alright


Also, how is the drive up to John Wayne airport or LAX? I am a pilot for a major airline and am based out of those two airports. I'd be driving up there about once a week then driving back home 3-4 days later. I know OC traffic sucks, but has it gotten any worse/better?

Thanks for the help folks!

John Wayne will be easy most of the time (obviously) since it is so close and (presumably) since you may have off hours, non-rush hour. LAX is one hour in no traffic. If you happen to know your driving hours, check

Sigalert.com - Personalized Traffic Reports

during the time you expect to commute.

The home prices in those towns you mentioned are falling like a lead zeppelin. Keep in mind that some of them (not all) have heavy duty HOA fees (like $200/month) and Mello Roos. Property taxes are over 1%. Still those places are great for families.

Check School Performance Maps to get a visual idea of where good schools are (and for the most part, they are all good in those towns).

One other thing, the traffic from some of the deeper communities like RSM can be time consuming just getting to the freeways, lots of lights.

[missionhome]

If I had to say how people would act in this area: you will have some that are very tolerant and won't mind and others that will smile to your face and gossip behind your back like none other. I don't think you really get too many people saying anything directly to your face and I don't know how making friends will go. I know a kid in some of my son's classes has two mothers and the kid was very frustrated during the Prop 8 campaign. He was very vocal about it though, wearing t-shirts to school that were against Prop 8 and holding signs in front of school.

There are some United and American pilots that live in this area based at LAX and most say the drive is fine because it isn't daily or always at rush hour.

[nmnita]

I don't think the drive should be an issue, I still think there may be better areas to consentrate on buying a home or living..

Nita

[missionhome]

I was thinking Long Beach, mainly East Long Beach, would be a good area to look at as well. Probably more tolerant than conservative OC (is it Naples?) and a good midway point between LAX and John Wayne.

[bhcompy]

South OC tends to be very vapid, so I would avoid it(alternative lifestyles, be it homosexuality, tattoo/piercing fetish, etc, aren't part of the social fabric, so they look down on it). I believe Laguna is a bit more open according to what I hear on this board.

I would suggest looking further up the coast in the western suburbs(Cypress, Rossmoor, Los Alamitos, etc) or possibly in the northern suburbs(Yorba Linda, Brea, Fullerton, etc) if you want OC because these areas, in my experience, tend to be live and let live. People tend to care more about their own family business rather than who the neighbor is dating or what kind of car they drive.

Long Beach suburbs would also be nice, though the coastal districts do have a solid gay presence that includes the gay pride parades, gay clubs/bars, etc.

In all the areas I mentioned there are excellent activities/sports programs for families and kids. Hiking and camping in the area is obviously going to be a short drive(1-2hrs to the good places, though Santiago Canyon offers some opportunities near home), but that's the nature of living in OC.

[SouthernCAguy]

Hi, "Urpilotfriend" -- I'm new to City-data, but I saw your post and thought I would respond. I read that you and your partner served in the Navy & Army. Thank you for your service to our country.

I took a look at your other posts and it looks like you were looking at some other cities too, and you said you were leaning towards Scottsdale (in the Phoenix area). Scottsdale is a good area, but you will run into the same kind of "South OC" types over there (Read other posts and mine to get a sense of what I'm referring to).

I have relatives I visit often in Phoenix, so I'm familiar with both Southern California and Phoenix. Phoenix is nice, but the weather in the summer (as high as 115 degrees) can be brutal. As you grew up in Orange County, I'm sure you know that the climate in Southern California is arguably the best in the US, as you grew up here. Oh, and where else in the country can you have such close access to the ocean, city, mountains and deserts?

If you haven't made up your final decision, you should take another look at Southern California (LA & Orange County -- but San Diego is nice too). As for the whole Prop 8 issue, just because gay marriage was stopped in CA does not mean in any way that gay people are not welcomed in Southern California. The state of California still has domestic partnerships, gay people are allowed to adopt children, and CA has some of the strongest state anti-discrimination and hate crime laws in the nation when it comes to gay people. The recent CA Supreme Court ruling elevated sexual orientation to the same level of legal protections as gender, race/ethnicity, religious affirmation, etc. And Prop 8 didn't change that.

Of course, anyone is free to live wherever they please, but for a LGBT person, it is probably more comforting to live in a state that addresses LGBT-related issues vs. a state that does not.

Orange County is not as conservative as one might think, especially in recent years. Yes, Orange County is more conservative than L.A. or San Francisco, but compared to the country as a whole, Orange County is probably quite moderate. Orange County is also a largely urban & suburban county with over 3 million people. I would say that the most conservative part of California is probably the inland Central Valley area (Bakersfield, Fresno, Modesto)....

In case anyone doesn't know.....the most gay-friendly parts of Southern California (LA & Orange Counties) are -- West Los Angeles (from West Hollywood / Beverly Hills to Santa Monica), Silverlake / Los Feliz, the southern part of the San Fernando Valley, Pasadena, Long Beach, and Laguna Beach.

Unfortunately, most of the gay-friendly areas tend to be more urban (not as family-friendly), and the family-friendly, safe & gay-friendly areas (like Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, Laguna Beach) tend to be ridiculously expensive.

Outside of the areas I mentioned, the most "gay-tolerant" parts of Southern California would be pratically anywhere alongside the coast. I would personally not recommend inland North OC (like Yorba Linda), based on my personal experience. I would also not recommend parts of South OC (like Rancho Santa Margarita and Mission Viejo. I remember recently reading an article in the OC Register about a gay couple with kids (2 gay dads) in Ladera Ranch (Mission Viejo area) about having a tough time with their neighbors. If you have to live in South OC, I would recommend Laguna Beach, and possibly Aliso Viejo (some gay people who can't afford Laguna have been moving there).

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Urpilotfriend, I believe you said you wanted to be close to John Wayne Airport (SNA) and LAX. If you and your partner did not have kids or if you wanted to be close to gay bars and parades, I would definitely recommend Long Beach. But since you have kids, you might want to think about the school district.

If you want to come back to SoCal -- for your situation you described, I would recommend Fountain Valley. If you are originally from Orange, you may have heard of it -- Fountain Valley is a small, family-friendly, safe, residential city close to the ocean and next to Huntington Beach. I'm sure there are a lot of recreational parks and family-oriented attractions in the area. Fountain Valley is also convenient to the 405 freeway and close to other major highways/freeways -- and its between LAX and SNA.

Fountain Valley is an ethnically diverse city (59% White, 26% Asian, 11% Latino). I don't know what your ethnicity is, Urpilotfriend, but regardless -- people in more ethnically diverse cities (that are also family-friendly & safe), generally speaking, tend to be more tolerant of people of different backgrounds, including sexual orientation.

The public schools in Fountain Valley (from elementary to the high school) are also stellar and highly regarded -- and the student demographics are also diverse, with mostly White and Asian students, and some Latino & African American students.

Oh, and lastly, the cost of rent or cost to buy a home in Fountain Valley is reasonable, at least compared to many other parts of Orange County & L.A....

Anyway -- sorry for the long post, but hopefully this might be of help to another gay person, couple, or parent looking to move to Southern California.

Urpilotfriend, I will also DM you this post as well. Good luck to you, your partner and your kids -- regardless of where you move!