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A man where I work killed himself last week. There was a lot of shock and disbelief and sadness. It came very unexpectedly. Nobody had the slightest idea that he could or would do such a thing.
Out of curiousity, if you have ever SERIOUSLY thought about it....planned it maybe.
Depression is a devastating disease. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, that's just awful. The reason he probably did it and why no one suspected is because he suffered from severe clinical depression and was probably very good at hiding it. There seems to be more of a stigma for men when they suffer from depression and they don't get help out of pride or embarrassment. It's very sad that he couldn't get past the stigma and get help. Depression is a very serious disease and should never be taken lightly. The pain inside is unbearable and that's why people resort to killing themselves.
I don't think you'll get any responses because it's too private of a thing to talk about here. Once again, I'm very sorry about the loss of your co-worker.
There was a locally well known man in my hometown who always joked around a lot. One day at the coffee shop he told his fellow coffee drinkers "I started to kill myself this morning but got too busy and didn't have time". Everybody laughed, of course, at the jokester saying something like that. Two days later his secretary went to work to find he had sat at his desk and shot himself.
I know quite a bit about suicide. It's rare for someone to kill themselves because of one single event, such as losing someone they love, losing a job, etc. There are most likely to be emotional problems that have troubled them for years, maybe their entire life. Someone kills themselves because they feel hopeless and helpless and are sure life will never improve. They don't kill themselves because they want to die, but because they want their pain to stop.
Suicide is such a sad, sad way for a life to end. I think losing a loved one to murder is the only other method of death that could be worse on those left behind to cope with it. 20 years, if you know this man's family, it would be a kindness to offer support to them in whatever way you can.
Suicide has many root causes, not just a chronic depression. It could be just a situation that appears hopeless. I think many suicides are the result of people not having any hope that whatever situation they are in is ever going to get any better. A few years ago an older man with whom I was acquainted had gotten himself so far into debt that he committed suicide. Others may be in unhappy marriages or feel overwhelmed by chronic problems in their lives. Others are long-term alcoholics whose lives are so broken down, they feel there is no other outlet.
Whatever the situation, all people who commit suicide have one thing in common--they just want the pain to end.
P.S. I am well acquainted with suicide within my own family - my father and a sister - both events far in the past now.
Last edited by Cunucu Beach; 06-19-2010 at 08:12 AM..
. . . Nobody had the slightest idea that he could or would do such a thing.
I don't accept that there were no signs, but more that people around suicide victims are just not attuned. There is always something there that just isn't right, or in character with the person, and if co-workers and acquaintances don't pick up on something just a bit off-kilter, loved ones and close friends often share that, in looking back, there were signs or clues.
When I was teaching HS English, and had the kids reading Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, usually in the Spring, I always seized the opportunity to address suicide and risky behavior(s), and would draw the school's counselors into the classroom. If I could line one up, I'd also get outside counselors (like from the county's mental health department) to come for a discussion. I cannot think of too many years, over the course of my own teaching career, that one of the high schools in the tri-county area didn't have a student attempt suicide, most often unsuccessful, but not always.
Suicide is more often than not a cry for help, and while the depression may appear to have come on suddenly, it generally hasn't. It is a mood disorder, and can be hereditary, which, in my own family, has been true. Looking back, I see the symptoms in my mother's family, and when I was in HS, myself, my own Mother attempted suicide and spent almost three weeks in the hospital. I have suffered from depression, brought on by stress, and when I sought help, the counselor asked, "How long have you felt this way?" I couldn't recall a time when I hadn't. I had not been suicidal because, fortunately for me, something eventually lifted my mood -- a change of venue, or season. . . something.
The ONE thing that has made me think long and hard, and not see suicide as an option, is the single statistic: children of suicide victims, whether successful or not, are 50% more likely to see suicide as a viable option to deal with a problem. So, like I asked my best friend, who had a son and a daughter, and who scared me years ago when she was suicidal, I'll ask others, "Of your two children, which would you wish to follow your example?" The odds are that high.
For me, that single fact was a wake-up call. Suicide is an easy way out, for one suffering, but a living hell for the survivors. Could I wish that upon my child? Never.
For a very different concept. . . What Dreams May Come
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankinscotland
. . . They don't kill themselves because they want to die, but because they want their pain to stop.
Interestingly enough, studies bear this out.
One of the most fascinating books, and then movies, I have read and watched, has to be What Dreams May Come. When her children are killed in an automobile accident, a young mother sinks into a depression, and wanting to get away from the pain, kills herself. What struck me as something worth thinking about, was that in the afterlife the woman experienced, the pain continued. It was not a black void, or a heaven of sorts, for her -- it was as if she had to work through that pain, the same as if she had not taken her life.
Ultimately, it is her husband's love, and his refusal to let her spend the time in such a miserable limbo of sorts, that frees her.
I found such a concept fascinating, in that it resonated the idea that suicide doesn't free one from the pain. If you cannot read the book, it is worth the two hours to watch the film, starring Robin Williams. The visuals are something worth seeing, many absolutely beautiful;What a few, terrifying.
When I was in high school a friend of a friend, someone that I did know, committed suicide. I stuck with me for a long time, I still find myself thinking about him to this day, 25 yrs later.
I've suffered from depression my whole life, I guess thankfully, not as bad as some, because I'd never consider doing that.
When I was a only a few years into my phone company career, we had a location manager get let go in a cutback. He was in his 50's and he was an absolute great guy.
Unfortunately, as I understand, his job search didn't go well and after a while he decided to end it all. Apparently he felt the life insurance money would keep the family home, keep his daughters in college, etc.
I still can't believe he did it (even after 25 or so years). Truly sad for all involved.
Sorry to hear about your co-worker.
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For a very different concept. . . What Dreams May Come
