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Old 09-03-2010, 06:57 AM
Status: "Back at the lake house" (set 21 days ago)
Location: At the lake house in sunny Florida
16,656 posts, read 18,778,888 times
Reputation: 75372


Some have been heard and some are new. Enjoy

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)

Death is hereditary.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
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Old 09-03-2010, 07:29 AM
Location: Hermoso y tranquilo Panamá
11,874 posts, read 6,760,480 times
Reputation: 47123
LMAO Good ones, Lisa.
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Old 09-04-2010, 01:31 AM
Location: playing in the colorful Colorado dirt
4,487 posts, read 3,113,986 times
Reputation: 6828
People who get lost in thought generally do so because it's unfamiliar territory.

Impossible just takes a little longer.

Some days, it just ain't worth chewing thru the leather restraints.

I think, therefore I have a headache.
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Old 09-05-2010, 05:12 AM
Location: Raleigh NC
1,316 posts, read 1,803,538 times
Reputation: 2172
Remember that time heals all wounds and also wounds all heels.

We need optimists and pessimists. One invents the airplane, the other the parachute.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

Never argue with stupid people in large groups.
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Old 09-05-2010, 05:24 AM
Location: NH Lakes Region
323 posts, read 1,167,208 times
Reputation: 362
Default My all-time favorite...

You can't fix Stupid!
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Old 09-05-2010, 08:18 AM
Location: Vermont
12,975 posts, read 2,255,921 times
Reputation: 28267
You are the "bestest" my friend....always great for a chuckle!
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Old 09-05-2010, 09:39 AM
Location: On this planet most of the time
8,039 posts, read 2,985,151 times
Reputation: 4829
Good one Lisa
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Old 09-05-2010, 11:06 AM
25,085 posts, read 10,406,005 times
Reputation: 41622
YoungLisa, these r so cute and funny and what good medicine for me
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Old 09-05-2010, 12:52 PM
Location: CasaMo
14,448 posts, read 4,989,539 times
Reputation: 14012
The best excuse for going years without speaking to your mother in law is say you don't want to interupt her.
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Old 09-05-2010, 12:58 PM
6,350 posts, read 15,270,634 times
Reputation: 9749
Many thanks, YoungLisa! My favorite:

If ignorance is bliss why aren't there more happy people?
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