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Old 01-17-2011, 07:39 AM
Status: "Sold the lake house" (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: At the lake house in sunny Florida
16,789 posts, read 19,764,801 times
Reputation: 76079

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I just got this one and had to share...some we've all heard before but they can still make us smile

BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED , FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!

TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

12. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!

17. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

18. Procrastinate Now!

19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? (Love it!!)

20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

24. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.

25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

26. Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true)

27. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

29. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few !
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Old 01-17-2011, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Neither here nor there
14,810 posts, read 10,565,643 times
Reputation: 32852
I can certainly agree with #8!!
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Old 01-17-2011, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Orlando, Florida
43,858 posts, read 34,234,014 times
Reputation: 58374
I am identifying with number 11.
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Charlotte county, Florida
3,393 posts, read 3,540,007 times
Reputation: 10008
I'm all for # 3 in so many situations.
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Mayberry
28,279 posts, read 10,043,740 times
Reputation: 63875
I'm number 4!! LOL these are great!!
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:20 AM
 
Location: Central & coastal FL
132,876 posts, read 62,178,740 times
Reputation: 118337
#2 is my story and I'm sticking with it.
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Old 01-17-2011, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Airports all over the world
4,917 posts, read 4,402,617 times
Reputation: 86841
#5 for me
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Old 01-17-2011, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Abilene, Texas
8,747 posts, read 5,868,204 times
Reputation: 55835
Funny stuff, several of those apply to me....lol.
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Old 01-17-2011, 02:24 PM
 
Location: S.A., Texas ~ Non -Sanctuary city & HUD secretary farm~
107,113 posts, read 38,529,966 times
Reputation: 147275
#4 Thanks for the reminder Lisa! .............hehe!
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Old 01-17-2011, 03:55 PM
bjh
 
Location: Memphis - home of the king
22,200 posts, read 16,795,826 times
Reputation: 103538
#2

This list reminds me of:

Stupid People of the World, Untie!
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