For those of you who decided not to have children... (driver's license, letter)

[clawson26]

I did this poll for leavingcali because she didn't know how. (I had to look it up)

This poll is ANONYMOUS
I posted the same thread under "parenting" and was only hearing from parents--which is great--but I would also like opinions from non-parents too. Following is the original thread:

Lately, many people I know who are parents have been telling my husband and I, and anyone else who is thinking about having children, not to. They complain about how much it has changed their lives.

Additionally, it seems like many marriages go bad after having kids. The couple grows apart; the priority is the kids and not the marriage. My best friend, who has two younger children (4 and 2) is miserable--her marriage is falling apart, she feels lonely, I believe both her and her husband are having affairs, and she complains constantly about motherhood.

I often wonder if parents are honest with nonparents about parenting. I think parents feel that if they say outloud that they regret having children that that means that they don't love their children; I don't think that's true, but I think it sometimes prevents honesty.

So, is having children overrated? I would love to hear from both parents and people who chose not to have children. How have these decisions affected your life and marriage?

For the non-parents: do you regret your decision? What's your life like without children? Do you feel sure that you made the right decision for yourself?

[leavingcali]

Originally Posted by hereinfla

At first I thought- "I should have kids, otherwise, who will wipe my rear end when I get old?"

Now that I have them, I think, "OMG, they are going to be wiping my rear end when I get old."

HA HA HA!

[HIF]

I don't mean to make light of this serious subject in my post above. My goal is to make them successful enough to pay a really nice person to do that for me.

I feel bad for those who chose not to have kids because I know you must face a gauntlet of questions/expectations and that's not right.

I have a 28 YO, 13YO and 10YO. There is no way to explain the love that I feel for them- it's different than any other. I never once regretted having them- but, seriously, for a split second, the day my oldest turned 18, I had this little "oh, sh#t" moment...

If I won the lotto tomorrow, I would take in more, though. And I've felt that way since before my first was born.

[clawson26]

Does anyone know how leavingcali and I can get our poll and this thread merged???

[Pixie Dust]

Originally Posted by mrdude

my fiancee and i are both childfree; we don't hate kids, we just don't want any of our own. to be a good parent, you must put your kids first and yourself second. especially when they are in the baby stage, you must be with them at all times to protect and teach. we're both too self-centered and selfish to make the sacrifices of having children. we currently have two adult cats and a goldfish, and they're about as much as we can handle plus, we don't have to save up to send our cats to college

As a mom of thre boys 18,17 & 16, I'd have to say that it is easier when they are babies. Change them, feed them, bathe them...easy. When they are teenager I think thats the hard part. They have there own ideas and it amazes me how different those perspectives are from mine. I'd love to turn back the clock and have them be babies again.

[Ohiogirl81]

I love kids. If I would have married I guy who wanted kids, I would have been thrilled to have a few. But I'm with a guy who doesn't want kids (not to mention that I'm too old for that stuff now), so I will remain childless.

Which I'm sure is OK with my niece and nephew; more time and energy for me to spoil them!

[Rcm58]

My wife and I said we were never haveing children for the first 10 years of our marrage and it was the right decission for us, we did an awful lot in those 10 years but then a funny thing happened, we changed our minds and had 3 boys and it was the right decission for us.

[unknown stuntman]

There is always some social stigma attached to not having children after a certain age, but I don't give a hoot. While some of these folks are out at Wal-Mart on a sunny, 80 degree Saturday with children screaming at the top of their lungs, I'm out playing! Only way to stay young at heart. I feel sorry for certain friends of mine who I don't spend much time with it any more, because they have no time to travel, go on a weekend camping trip, or let alone, go out for dinner. The downside to not having kids is yes, it does some what make you feel a loner and I some times myself searching for organized clubs on the internet to get involved in structured activities w/ others.

Still the benfits outweigh the cons and for other reasons as well ....1. Too expensive nowadays 2. Your life ends as you know it unless you are very wealthy and can afford nannys, maids, and such 3. I have adorable nephews which light me up and yet at the end of the day I don't have to deal with the dirty diapers & hectic lifestyle 4. We are overpopulated as it is and I get enough headaches nowadays every time I do need to go into suburbia-hell to shop or to go out to eat 5. How many honestly really enjoy the experience? More people I am convinced do it, because it is the status-quo. We all have natural emotions, but to the degree I see parents frustrated with kids in the grocery store, I some times am tempted to turn to him/her and ask what made you consider even not to condomize?

[Pixie Dust]

Originally Posted by unknown stuntman

There is always some social stigma attached to not having children after a certain age, but I don't give a hoot. Whiel some of these folks are out at Wal-Mart ona sunny, 80 degree Saturday with children screaming at the top of their lungs, I'm out playing! Only way to stay young at heart. More over, it is....1. too expensive nowadays 2. your life ends as you know it unless you are very wealthy and can afford nannys, maids, and such 3. I have adorable nephews which light me up and yet at the end of the day I don't have to deal with the dirty diapers & hectic lifestyle 4. We are overpopulated as it is and I get enough headaches nowadays every time I do need to go into suburbia-hell to shop or to go out to eat 5. How many honestly really enjoy the experience? More people I am convinced do it, because it is the status-quo. We all have natural emotions, but to the degree I see parents frustrated with kids in the grocery store, I some times am tempted to turn to him/her and ask what made you consider even not to condomize?

Im not sure about the status quo thing. There is a great deal of joy that comes with having children. I'll tell you just recently my eldest graduated from HS and I cant tell you the joy and pride I had for him. He graduated top in his class. When they accomplish something I feel like I have triumphed, when they are sad because of a break up my heart hurts for them and when they tell me mommy I love you (yeah they still calll me mommie) my heart fills with such emotion that NOTHING can substitute that. Parenting is not for everyone but I sure am glad I decided to have children.

[linders_m]

Glad this was anonymous