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Old 02-28-2011, 11:23 AM
 
Location: TX
491 posts, read 626,579 times
Reputation: 358

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I just found out yesterday that the father of a friend from high school passed away back in October. Im ashamed to admit it's been a few months since I last saw or spoke with my friend, and it had been years before that since we'd had any contact.

I would like to stop by his mom's house and offer my condolences to the family (my friend, his mom and sister) and I would like to know what symathy gifts are ok? Obviously I know my gifts aren't going to ease their pain, but I would like to show them how sorry I am for their loss, and regardless of how much time has passed since I have seen any of them, they still hold a dear place in my heart.

Any and all ideas/suggestions will be greatly appreciated! The only thing I can think of to get, are flowers, but I dont even know where to begin! What kind, how many? Would a spiritual book about loss be too cheesy? Please help! Thank you!
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Looking over your shoulder
24,293 posts, read 16,357,122 times
Reputation: 57450
A simple sympathy card with a personal message is just fine. It’s not necessary to send flowers and will only add to the already felt sorrow at this point in time. If anything, maybe a potted plant might be nice. It's something that will last for a while in their home and they'll remember you sent it.
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Old 02-28-2011, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Ohio
889 posts, read 1,559,612 times
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I try to always get something useful and lasting. Like Aks said, a potted plant instead of flowers. If she is down South where it's getting to be Spring, a hanging basket of flowers for her porch or a big potted Geranium they can enjoy all summer. I'm in Ohio though, so sometimes I get a couch blanket with a Bible verse on it, a paver for the garden, etc. Best wishes!
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Old 02-28-2011, 12:13 PM
 
Location: TX
491 posts, read 626,579 times
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A plant sounds great! Thank you so much!
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Old 02-28-2011, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Finally made it to Florida and lovin' every minute!
22,677 posts, read 11,451,915 times
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Even tho it's been a while, I know your gesture will be appreciated. Very kind of you.
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Old 02-28-2011, 03:25 PM
 
Location: On this planet most of the time
8,039 posts, read 2,536,816 times
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It is nice that you are making the step to show your condolences. I agree with a nice plant my go to plant for anything is a peace lily and a nice card to go along with it.
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Old 02-28-2011, 04:08 PM
 
Location: Valparaiso, IN
34,224 posts, read 6,890,771 times
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My feeling is that no tangible gift is necessary at all. Your presence will be gift enough. However, if you are intent on giving the family a gift, my first thought was a potted plant. If the family has a house with a yard, perhaps a perennial flower which they can enjoy year after year as it grows in the yard. I also liked cityflair's idea of a hanging basket of flowers.

How very kind of you to want to do this, AJsMOM.
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Old 03-01-2011, 09:54 AM
 
25,085 posts, read 8,844,866 times
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There are no words, no gifts or anything else that can soothe one's grief. Everything is inadequate. I card is a nice gesture, but it is really for the giver more than the grieving party. It makes us feel better if we try to do something. When I loss my mom the only thing I really appreciated was not having to cook. So many people were kind enough to make sure my children had something to eat and I didn't have to bother going to the store. I guess my advise is something meaningful that is a help or a relief to the grieving party.
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Old 03-01-2011, 11:01 AM
 
Location: TX
491 posts, read 626,579 times
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Thank you all so much for your suggestions and kind words.

The reason I decided to ask about proper "sympathy etiquette" (for lack of a better phrase) is because it's already been five months since his passing, and although I'm positive the family is still grieving, I dont want to add salt to the wound. And especially because it's been months since I've seen my friend, and years since I've seen his mom.

I really like the idea of the peace lily. I was thinking something that Mom could plant in her yard and sort of be dedicated to her husband?
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Old 03-01-2011, 11:04 AM
 
Location: Valparaiso, IN
34,224 posts, read 6,890,771 times
Reputation: 77276
Quote:
Originally Posted by AJsMOM83 View Post
Thank you all so much for your suggestions and kind words.

The reason I decided to ask about proper "sympathy etiquette" (for lack of a better phrase) is because it's already been five months since his passing, and although I'm positive the family is still grieving, I dont want to add salt to the wound. And especially because it's been months since I've seen my friend, and years since I've seen his mom.

I really like the idea of the peace lily. I was thinking something that Mom could plant in her yard and sort of be dedicated to her husband?
I'm all for something that can be planted in the yard. Just make sure that when you buy it, it is suitable for the climate where it will be planted.

You sound like a very caring and thoughtful person. Good luck with your choice.
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