City-Data Forum Laws, laws and yep...more laws (cost, driver, location, buy)
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07-31-2007, 05:48 PM
 2,896 posts, read 6,025,182 times Reputation: 5022

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the

Law of the Telephone
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire,
the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start
To move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically
when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss
will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face
down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location
No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law (this one is true every time!)
As soon as you find a product that you really like and works great,
they will stop making it.

07-31-2007, 06:13 PM
 Location: South Carolina 5,298 posts, read 5,772,120 times Reputation: 8141
Yeah I hate all those laws...lol

07-31-2007, 06:20 PM
 Location: Sherman Oaks, CA 6,239 posts, read 15,442,099 times Reputation: 8108
Those laws are great - and so true! I have one to add:

The Law of Timing -
The one day you're late to work will be the one day your boss comes in early.

08-02-2007, 06:47 AM
 Location: Central Jersey - Florida 3,336 posts, read 12,642,171 times Reputation: 2135
I'll add the top twenty Murphy's laws of combat.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. when you're ready for them.
b. when you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, then the claymore IS pointed at you.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone.
When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

These are funny, but in most cases very true.

08-03-2007, 01:01 AM
 Location: Seek Jesus while He can still be found! 3,141 posts, read 6,018,742 times Reputation: 8239
All so true da jammer!!! This is a great thread idea :-)

Which reminds me of a New Thread I may be starting (yes, you heard it here FIRST folks :-0)!!!

Products You Love and Why

Ref:

Wilson's Law (this one is true every time!)
As soon as you find a product that you really like and works great,
they will stop making it.

08-03-2007, 02:29 PM
 Location: Arizona, The American Southwest 51,816 posts, read 29,891,036 times Reputation: 90870
LOL....

You buy a product and you spend extra money on an extended warranty, and the product (whether it's a car, computer or anything else) runs fine throughout the period it's covered by the warranty, but once the warranty goes out, WHAM! something major goes wrong the next day, and the repairs that would have been covered by the warranty just a couple of days earlier, you'll have to pay for them!!!

08-03-2007, 02:41 PM
 Location: Sebastian/ FL 3,496 posts, read 8,696,214 times Reputation: 2700
Funny that you post that.....

Quote:
 Originally Posted by Magnum Mike LOL.... How about the Warranty law: You buy a product and you spend extra money on an extended warranty, and the product (whether it's a car, computer or anything else) runs fine throughout the period it's covered by the warranty, but once the warranty goes out, WHAM! something major goes wrong the next day, and the repairs that would have been covered by the warranty just a couple of days earlier, you'll have to pay for them!!!
Yup....you are so RIGHT...because I just had that happend with my vacuum cleaner.
Purchased the warranty.....which ran out this June, and now the Main Brush part (canister) went kaputt!!!
I am still in negotiations with Sears about it....huh.

08-03-2007, 02:59 PM
 Location: Arizona, The American Southwest 51,816 posts, read 29,891,036 times Reputation: 90870
Quote:
 Originally Posted by MovingBack2PA Yup....you are so RIGHT...because I just had that happend with my vacuum cleaner. Purchased the warranty.....which ran out this June, and now the Main Brush part (canister) went kaputt!!! I am still in negotiations with Sears about it....huh.
LOL.. Funny you mentioned that also MovingBack2PA, I had the same problem with a Dust Devil I bought about 8 years ago. It ran fine, but less than a month after the warranty expired, a bearing on the brush assembly broke and I had to spend something like \$65, plus shipping, on an entire brush assembly because they didn't sell the bearing by itself! I said heck for about \$30 more, I could buy a brand new and better quality Hoover! And that's exactly what I did!

08-03-2007, 03:51 PM
 Location: Central Jersey - Florida 3,336 posts, read 12,642,171 times Reputation: 2135
Quote:
 Originally Posted by Magnum Mike LOL.... How about the Warranty law: You buy a product and you spend extra money on an extended warranty, and the product (whether it's a car, computer or anything else) runs fine throughout the period it's covered by the warranty, but once the warranty goes out, WHAM! something major goes wrong the next day, and the repairs that would have been covered by the warranty just a couple of days earlier, you'll have to pay for them!!!
How about when a product you own breaks (out of warranty) and the cost to fix it is almost as much as the "NEW AND IMPROVED" model that replaced it.

08-04-2007, 01:35 PM
 Location: The Circle City. Sometimes NE of Bagdad. 18,550 posts, read 19,534,667 times Reputation: 48760
Laws of Tools and their REAL uses

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the
chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against
that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes
fingerprints and hard-earned guitar callouses from fingers in about
the time it takes you to say, "Yeouw s--t...."

ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their
holes until you die of old age.

SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation
of blood-blisters. The most often the tool used by all women.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor
touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt
heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to
transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the
conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various
flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the
grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and
motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or
〓 socket you've been searching for, over the last 45 minutes.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood
projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after
you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack
handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 4X4: Used for levering an automobile
upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.

TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known
drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possiblefuture
use.
RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to
scare neophytes into choosing another line of work.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of
everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that
inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end
opposite the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes
called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine
vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health
benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at
about the same rate that 105mm howitzer shells might be used during,
say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark
than light, its name is somewhat misleading. The accessory socket within
the base, has been permanently rendered useless, unless requiring a
source of 117vac power to shock the mechanic senseless.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids,
opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing
oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to
strip out Phillips screw heads. Women excel at using this tool.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to
convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-
burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed
air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that
grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 30 years ago by
someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off their heads. Also used to
quickly snap off lug nuts.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used
as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the
object we are trying to hit. Women primarily use it to make gaping holes in walls
when hanging pictures.

MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of
cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly
well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts.
Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. It is
also useful for removing large chunks of human flesh from the user's hands.

DAMNIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while
yelling "DAMNIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next
tool that you will need.
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