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08-04-2007, 09:12 PM
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CD News Reporter
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Join Date: Jan 2007
13,974 posts, read 9,268,984 times
Reputation: 5835
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A Man's Trip To Wal-mart.
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty. Covered in dirt or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and it says, "I Got Worms ".
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions ready too. Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wonder around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you..
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08-04-2007, 09:26 PM
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Just another C-D member
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
3,481 posts, read 3,061,130 times
Reputation: 2782
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LOL!!! That was great... Thanks for sharing.  |
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08-04-2007, 09:48 PM
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_______________
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vermont / NEK
3,345 posts, read 2,736,633 times
Reputation: 4160
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All right! I still have three more stages of gettin' gussied up for a trip to town. Wal-Mart has cute chicks at the registers? I did not know that.
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08-05-2007, 09:28 AM
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Just a simple country gal.
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Calif.
10,133 posts, read 5,058,227 times
Reputation: 12761
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Im not a big Walmart fan but can tell you I have yet to see anyone 'cute' working at Walmart out here. Heck, for that matter, anyone under the age of 100 (j/k)!  |
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08-05-2007, 02:28 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Circle City, CA. Sometimes NE of Bagdad.
3,453 posts, read 1,964,003 times
Reputation: 5846
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L_A_Woman
Im not a big Walmart fan but can tell you I have yet to see anyone 'cute' working at Walmart out here. Heck, for that matter, anyone under the age of 100 (j/k)! |
You sure nailed that one one the head. |
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08-05-2007, 05:00 PM
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Senior Member
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Join Date: Jan 2007
4,372 posts, read 2,114,191 times
Reputation: 2576
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Funny!
The scary part is we are in our 50's and already doing the "waiting to go until your prescriptions are done" part!!! |
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08-06-2007, 08:10 AM
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~*~Iridescent Mermaid~*~
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Palm Beach Gardens, Fla
1,284 posts, read 1,424,575 times
Reputation: 478
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Heyyy...I was one of those cute chicks that used to work at Wal-Mart!  LOL!! Funny post, though. |
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08-06-2007, 09:02 AM
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City Boy in The 'Burbs
Status:
"Unexpected Day off From Work!"
(set 10 hours ago)
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Reston, VA : We're too "progressive" for sidewalks or streetlights.
17,274 posts, read 15,852,456 times
Reputation: 5400
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John1960
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
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I've been boycotting Wal-Mart now for a few years ever since I attended an anti-Wal-Mart brainwashing rally on-campus and was given a rather depressing DVD, but you nailed my HOURLY routine as a 20-something metrosexual quite nicely. Only in modern America do 20-year-old guys work harder to look prettier than the 20-year-old women. LOL!  |
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08-06-2007, 11:45 AM
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Senior Member
Status:
"Happy New Year!"
(set 5 days ago)
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Farm south of Portland
5,953 posts, read 3,274,715 times
Reputation: 1375
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Very cute!! But if you went to the hardware store instead, NOONE would notice or care what you look like, they all are there for same reason! |
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08-06-2007, 11:51 AM
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City Boy in The 'Burbs
Status:
"Unexpected Day off From Work!"
(set 10 hours ago)
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Reston, VA : We're too "progressive" for sidewalks or streetlights.
17,274 posts, read 15,852,456 times
Reputation: 5400
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilypad
Very cute!! But if you went to the hardware store instead, NOONE would notice or care what you look like, they all are there for same reason! |
...to "nail" and "screw" things, right? |
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