Funeral ettiquette (woman, check, family, married)

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by MaryleeII

if you're invited to a funeral, just go, no one is taking an opinion poll, is this how its done? Let the family mourn their dead their way, its nothing from you except a few hours with your mouth shut.

I've never heard of being "invited" to a funeral. And I've never been around people that behave that way at a funeral, either. Maybe you need to move!

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

Somebody really said THAT?

I kid you not. /lol

But my husband had just died, I had no inclination or ability to even care. I did note that I would consider her an idiot later. I was lucky, of a funeral with 1200 people I only noted 2 as idiots, 1 later received the distinction. That's damn frickin' good. In all fairness, when your spouse dies unexpectedly at 43, your perspective changes. /lol

The OP is right, funerals are a place to show grief and respect. Any personal agendas are for another day, or preferably, not.

I would never judge a funeral. My gawd, you are there to pay your respects to the dead. If you want a wake, I will sing and dance; open casket? I will come in a black suit and pay my solemn condolences with a bowed head. Heck, if the funeral was a conga line, and the decor black and white with speed metal I would respect it.

[MaryleeII]

Originally Posted by Mikala43

I kid you not. /lol

But my husband had just died, I had no inclination or ability to even care. I did note that I would consider her an idiot later. I was lucky, of a funeral with 1200 people I only noted 2 as idiots, 1 later received the distinction. That's damn frickin' good. In all fairness, when your spouse dies unexpectedly at 43, your perspective changes. /lol

The OP is right, funerals are a place to show grief and respect. Any personal agendas are for another day, or preferably, not.

I would never judge a funeral. My gawd, you are there to pay your respects to the dead. If you want a wake, I will sing and dance; open casket? I will come in a black suit and pay my solemn condolences with a bowed head. Heck, if the funeral was a conga line, and the decor black and white with speed metal I would respect it.

what about that tradition in new Orleans, I don't know what religion, where they have a big parade and celebration, singing and dancing? because, the deceased is now going to Heaven, so, lets be happy for him/her! well, that, too, is a tradition, either go and participate, or don't go and grumble about it. I guess I'm justin a cranky mood because there's yet another family funeral, and I haven't the faintest idea how to "please" my relatives, seems no matter what I do is offends someone. Last time, the flowers I sent were too much---hey, I was using Hilton Honor points, can convert them into flowers points, so, WTH!

I think the best thing to do, just keep contact to a minimum right now, send a card, let it blow over. these things always do.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by MaryleeII

what about that tradition in new Orleans, I don't know what religion, where they have a big parade and celebration, singing and dancing? because, the deceased is now going to Heaven, so, lets be happy for him/her! well, that, too, is a tradition, either go and participate, or don't go and grumble about it. I guess I'm justin a cranky mood because there's yet another family funeral, and I haven't the faintest idea how to "please" my relatives, seems no matter what I do is offends someone. Last time, the flowers I sent were too much---hey, I was using Hilton Honor points, can convert them into flowers points, so, WTH!

I think the best thing to do, just keep contact to a minimum right now, send a card, let it blow over. these things always do.

Your entitled. Surprisingly the only mild family fight we had was about flowers. Who woulda thunk it?

[LexusNexus]

Thanks for the post. I agree with your complaints.

I think the private ceremony idea is best way to go for our family. Thanks for the idea.

[Amelorn]

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

I've never heard of being "invited" to a funeral. And I've never been around people that behave that way at a funeral, either. Maybe you need to move!

Being notified of the death and told where the funeral/wake will be counts as an invite. [Just my speculation!]

[STT Resident]

Marylee, thanks for starting my day off on the right foot with a good laugh! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your thread-starter along with the rest of your comments as your description of these dreadful funeral-goers is just so on the ball. Wherever my final remains in whatever form are dumped I'm going for a bed of catnip overlaying the site so all the local felines can come roll all over me!

[2mares]

Originally Posted by ohiogirl22

The only thing I have to add is DON'T SEND FOOD! Or coordinate who is sending food. Or send a small amount of food.

When my grand father died we got 11 editable arrangements, 16 cookie trays, 8 trays of cold cuts, it got to the point where we didn't want to open the door! I mean I know everyone means well, but we gaining 40 lbs isn't going to bring my grandfather back.

We didn't get an over abundance of flowers. Mostly just clubs and "societies" my grandfather had belonged too.

It's always interesting to see who pops up at a funeral. And who doesn't. I was very glad to see my high school tutor there!

Preparing food is somewhat a tradition in the South. Meals are brought to the home of the close relatives because at this time there is often family and friends from out of state and people need to eat. The family isnt really in a situation to make sure everyone if fed. There is also usually food served at a home or church for those that attended the funeral.

[Northside904]

True, you have every right to break down but is it that serious to make a scene? You know how some people wail out crying real loud, so as to draw attention to themselves. At my parents funeral, a friend of my parents did this and I was tempted to tell her to shut up because it was obvious she was doing it for show. I just looked at her crazy and shook my head.

[MaryleeII]

Now I'm being told my uncle's funeral will cost 10K. so, that's supposed to matter to me? hey, I buried my parents, let them bury their's. What next, they will sell tickets?

BTW, uncle's funeral is a cremation, so, there goes the cremation is cheaper idea. Hey, it costs just to die, that's why they have life insurance.