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Old 03-30-2012, 07:35 AM
 
37 posts, read 226,794 times
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Each day something NEW !

My sister and I are having a debate. Although she ALWAYS says she is right!

My Mother died a month ago. Because of a serious illness, I have not seen my mom for 2 and a half months! yet i talked to her a lot.
my illness entails throwing up and other body fluids coming out. frequent nose bleeds. Most days i am weak. And stay in bed until my daughter comes home. I also cannot drive , due to the illness. my sister knows this. yet STILL said "you could have come to see her if you really wanted too.! OUCH !! She even told my mom "she could come to see you! she is just selfish!" eventually i was told by a cousin she brainwashed my mom to believe this and i didn't care.. probably why mom stopped calling me. my sister is a MASTER at pitting people together to make herself seem like the good person. and comes out smelling like a rose. i think mom died thinking i didn't love her.

I was there for my mom. took her for groceries, her colonoscopy. a trip to her sister's home . I even paid for the plane ride. My plan was to see her when i was taken off the meds that affect me. I didn't think she would die suddenly. But she did. I was there for her before she passed away. kissed her face. told her i love her.

This the debate my sister and i are having is this:

I have an aunt. She is the type who talks about everyone. she and my sister love to gossip. this cruel aunt and my sister, told my mom's family members and friends, i didn't go to see my mom before she died. That hit me hard. and really hurt. i was already feeling guilty for not spending enough time with mom. but i think it is a VISCIOUS rumor to spread. she didn't know the exstent i was sick because she is a blabber mouth. was even sick. i have limited contact with her. MY MOM DIED! And they are telling people i didn't go to see her for months before she died. !! breaks my heart.

I told my sister this is GOSSIP!
My sister says, it is not.
she says - "why is it gossip??! it's not gossip"

maybe it's not gossip .maybe i am reaching.
please help with this debate.


thanks in advance.

Last edited by Rainbow Connection; 03-30-2012 at 07:40 AM.. Reason: re phrase
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Old 03-30-2012, 07:55 AM
 
2,838 posts, read 3,487,713 times
Reputation: 1406
Gossip it is; and of the worst sort. One should not be a blacklist of others, and certainly not of one’s relations. Only those with tarnished names are concerned with the ill fame of others - they grub about in filth and their breath stinks of the sewers of scandal. There are few without some stain; and to be a register of everyone’s faults is an abominable thing.
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:01 AM
 
7,099 posts, read 27,128,604 times
Reputation: 7452
Gossip can be harmless chit-chat or it can be terrible lies. It depends on the viewpoint of the listener. It can also just be the passing along of information.

I am sure that those listening to some of what you complain of, are aware of the source of the information and form their opinions based on that.

I suspect that alot of your problem with your sister and aunt is that you feel a little guilty about not seeing your mother. If so, forget what they say. You know your circumstances better than they do.
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Atlanta
6,793 posts, read 5,638,792 times
Reputation: 5661
Sounds more like LIES instead gossip.
You said you went to see your mom and kissed her BEFORE she died. Was it the week, month, year before???
Your sister and aunt say you did not visit her.... LIES, that's what I call it.. Gossip would be the least of my worries especially if I knew I was telling the TRUTH.
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:08 AM
 
37 posts, read 226,794 times
Reputation: 98
@ mco65

i went to see my mom AFTER she died - in the hospital, but did not see her 2 and a half months before she passed away..
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Old 03-30-2012, 09:27 AM
 
Location: Tigard, Oregon
863 posts, read 2,985,068 times
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My take is that any conversation about a person not in the room is gossip. Gossip can be truth, lies or anywhere in between. Is it possible that the family and friends know the nature of your aunt and sister?

In reading this I am reminded of this quote by Dr. Seuss:

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
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Old 03-30-2012, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,693,231 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
I am sure that those listening to some of what you complain of, are aware of the source of the information and form their opinions based on that.
This.

People who know your sister and aunt will know that they are b*tchy drama queens. They probably are not very easy to be around.

Whether or not this is gossip, though, is the least of your worries.

Your sister sounds like a selfish, manipulative person. If she and this aunt like to get together and lie, so what? Stay out of it. Stay away from them.

I think it's time to remove them from your life and free yourself from this low-life drama. What purpose do they serve in your life except to use your torment to make themselves feel better?

I say stop taking their calls.
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Looking over your shoulder
31,304 posts, read 32,796,183 times
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Rainbow Connection:

Your sister, your aunt and you (and any other family members) need to just forget about what was, what might have been, and simply embrace what time you have together. Gossip or not, it’s not good for you both and others. Time to forgive and forget; move on. Life is too short to argue over this or anything else.
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Old 03-30-2012, 12:10 PM
 
Location: SC Foothills
8,831 posts, read 11,590,340 times
Reputation: 58253
It's definitely gossip and it's very cruel. Sorry you're having to endure that kind of crap from your own family and I'm sorry you lost your Mother. If you told her you loved her she knew that and there's nothing that anyone can say or do to take that away from you. Your sister needs a good kick in the can.
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Old 03-30-2012, 12:38 PM
 
6,441 posts, read 5,236,912 times
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Rainbow Connection, my condolences for the loss of your mother.

You use the word "vicious" to describe your sister and that says it all. I have a sister like that and I arrived at the word "evil" for her.

You do not have to put up with something just because it comes from a blood relative. You do not have to spend any time at all with people like that or try to convince the recipients of her vicious words that it is lies.

You can always choose your own path and feeling guilty that you are not doing the right thing makes it even easier for the vicious/evil one to keep on doing what gives them a thrill.

Your mother knew you loved her and be assured that her soul that is out there among the stars knows the full truth of everything.

Take the high road and don't look back. Best wishes for a peaceful mind, good health and a happy life from this day forward,
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