In The Beginning! (woman, children, how to)

[northcountrygirl]

IN THE BEGINNING

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.



Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Haagen Dazs Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said: "Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one too ....with sprinkles."

And lo they gained 10 pounds.



And God created the healthful yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.



So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad."

And Satan presented crumbled Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.



God said, " Here is fresh fruit and brown sugar, to satisfy your sweet tooth"

And Satan showed how to make them into a pudding (or cake) that we didn't really ever want or like, but we all eat at the end of the meal, at Christmas time, but only for the sake of tradition, of course.



God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.



Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.



God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.



God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and the .99 pence double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?"



And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!"

And Satan said, "It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.



God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

And then Satan chuckled . . . . . . . . . and created the National Health Service!