Abuse (how many, daughter, actors, speech)

[grammy164]

I believe everyone has a story to tell.
Let me tell you a story I have--
Maria was a little thing. She only stood 5' tall. Anyone who knew her would tell you she had a very bubblely personality and she was always full of chatter. She was a successful business woman and took great pride in the things she had acomplished.
In May of 1997 Maria married Kevin. Less than 100 days later, her lifeless body was found at the top of a rural mountain near Charleston, WV. One year after Maria's body was recovered, Kevin was convicted of first-degree murder for killing his wife.
Perhaps it was Maria's pride or perhaps her fear that kept her from reaching out for help when the abuse started. I think too often women like Maria feel ashamed or embarrassed. They shouldn't. I think too, due to lack of support from local law enforcement or others in their communities, they stay quite.
Unfortunately, many other people have stories like this to tell. How often do you turn on the news or Dateline or 48 Hours and hear of a similar case? That is because nearly 1/3 of all women murder victims are slain by their husband or boyfriend. Domestic violence crosses all boundries and shows no prejudice. No income level or race or geographical lines are spared. And, as in Maria's case, much of the general public and many in law enforcement are uneducated in detection and prevention of domestic violence.
I believe it is important to tell this story. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I believe it is important to keep people aware.
Well, that is the story I wanted to tell. How do I know this story about this beautiful woman named Maria?
Maria was my younger sister and I believe I will always miss her very much.

[RAINBOWWAVES]

My heart goes out to you...soooooooo very sorry. I was there...was in a very abusive relationship... Lost all my teeth at age 30...i got rid of him but he stalked me for a long time...I was never alone so he was not able to get to me...

[elfyum]

Grammy my deepest sympathy. Your post made me tear up.
I believe you are a very strong person!
I believe you deserve good health, much happiness & peace.

[grammy164]

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, ladies, but my post really wasn't about me. It was about people like Rainbow. They are the strong ones. I know that now. I know so much more now. Wish I had known in '97. I just believe it's important for me to try in some way to educate others.

[Isabella]

Originally Posted by grammy164

Thank you so much for your kind thoughts, ladies, but my post really wasn't about me. It was about people like Rainbow. They are the strong ones. I know that now. I know so much more now. Wish I had known in '97. I just believe it's important for me to try in some way to educate others.

Grammy thank you for sharing your story. There isn't enough information out there for woman in this kind of situation. It is very hard for women in abusive relationships to reach out for help not just because of fear but pride. It is hard for them to admit that they are in an abusive relationship because they blame themselves for not being able to recognize the signs that the person they are dating is abusive. Also we live in a society where the victim is always blamed. If a woman is caught in an abusive relationship, people say well that was her stupid mistake or why doesn't she just leave. Easy to say all those things when you are not in their shoes. These men instill so much fear in these women that they actually believe they are safer with their abusive husband because if they leave, he will kill her. My friend's sister in law was murdered two weeks ago because she left her abusive husband and now her 4 little children are orphans and asking for their mommy every day.

[I LOVE NORTH CAROLINA]

grammy164
I just read your post and my heart goes out to you too. It's so sad when life is taken is such a traggic way like that. Maybe someone will read your story and rainbow's and it will help someone. I pray so.

[grammy164]

Thanks, ILNC. I pray too. I've always believed "every little bit helps."
Isabella--I sent you a PM.

[RAINBOWWAVES]

I used to do speeches here and there..One big problem lies with the fact that some women have no self worth and think the abusive man they are with is the only way of living or fear keeps them frozen in time...There has to be total family and friend support. Another sad thing is that police are called and then the woman doesn't want her man to go to jail so she recants her call..Alcohol and drugs play a major part in abuse...We have to embrace our abused and weak sisters...not enough is being done. Kids in these relationships are also being abused, if not physically, most certainly emotionally and mentally.

[butterbeans4]

Originally Posted by RAINBOWWAVES

I used to do speeches here and there..One big problem lies with the fact that some women have no self worth and think the abusive man they are with is the only way of living or fear keeps them frozen in time...There has to be total family and friend support. Another sad thing is that police are called and then the woman doesn't want her man to go to jail so she recants her call..Alcohol and drugs play a major part in abuse...We have to embrace our abused and weak sisters...not enough is being done. Kids in these relationships are also being abused, if not physically, most certainly emotionally and mentally.

Sometimes alcohol and drugs play a roll, sometimes it has nothing to do with either and it is simply a girl or woman that grew up in a bad home and is looking for acceptance but instead finds herself in an abusive situation. With a man that has self esteem issues of his own with no self control, you factor in a girl with no sense of self worth , no self esteem and a boyfriend or husband that drills it in to her brain daily that she is so stupid and loathesome that no one else would ever want her and there you have it. Maybe it was not always bad, during the good times she thinks, " I can do this, we can work through this , he does love me. Plus we ahve a child together and I will not do what my mother did." And then they fight again and he hits herand this time he threatens to take away her daughter if she ever leaves. It's physical and emotional. And when they fight she tells no one because it makes her feel even more stupid, but he tells people she was the one who threw a knife at him. I was 17 when it happened and it took until I was 21 to finallly get a backbone , get support from distant friends and one family member , and finally get out of it. I know Now what a real good realtionship is supposed to be like, I love my husband so much , and I am also a totally different person than I was back then. And I also realize that if my home life growing up had been better, or if I hadn't already been so hell bent on pleasing people to feel better about myself, maybe I could have gotten out sooner, but it was all based on low self esteems, fear, and control. I believe each abusive situation is different , but at the same time they all have the same factors that add up to an explosive combination. I feel for all the women that wrote about this and thank the ones who are standing up against it. The girls in these situations just need love, understanding and support.

[RAINBOWWAVES]

You would be surprised at how many of abused women come from very wealthy and educated homes. It is thought that abused women come from low income and low life parents. The majority are but there is a large amt that are not...