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The men’s room has three stalls for making deposits. The one closest to the entry is the handicap stall and is really fit for a king. Spacious and clean with a handy little railing that holds newspapers and other documents expertly, thus freeing both hands for any task you see fit. I could lay down a blanket and a pillow and take a nap in there, it's so roomy. If you can give mens' rooms stalls a grade on a sale of 1 to 10, this thing gets a 9. A bidet and better pornographic graffiti to look at, and this thing pulls a 10 with ease.
What the king stall has in luxury, the other two stalls make up for in overall crappiness. It's as if the two other stall sacrificed to make this mac-daddy stall so grand and opulent. Squatting here is never a first choice and the overall experience can honestly ruin an otherwise pleasant growler.
The problems begin with the size of the toilets in each stall. They are too small. If my knees are near my ears when I sit, that's a problem. It's like going back to your old grade school and sitting down in the first grade chairs. I look like Lincoln Kennedy on one of those puny bar stools on the NFL Channel. It's uncomfortable and if you stay too long, getting up on two sticks that have fallen asleep can be a real nightmare.
As well, there's nowhere to put my reading material. I'm not going to put it directly on the floor, as that is just gross. So I'm forced to tuck it under my chin in the pillow-case position until my pants are unbuckled and resting comfortably around my ankles. This also plays hell later in the game when two hands are needed in pulling the pants up.
The stalls are so small that a claustrophobic would have real issues in here. Doing the chicken dance isn't even in the realm of possibility. Compacting this problem is the fact that door only opens into the stall in one direction. So to exit or enter, you have to press up sideways on one wall to allow the door to shut. Any man over 250 doesn't stand a chance of a closed-door poop. However, with the urinals in such proximity to the inferior stalls, there are no other options available. Thus, you have to hug the wall to get in and get out.
So today, I open my office door to the hallway and notice another fellow entering the hallway on the other end. The men’s room is equidistant to us both. I note he's got reading material, as do I. I fix my eyes firmly on the floor and start speed walking to the bathroom. When I reach the door, I'm shocked to learn this guy has done the exact same thing. It's a showdown to the handicap stall where the winner gets the grand prize while the loser gets a 15 minute supply of crap-a-roni.
By luck, I get to the door handle first. Normally, I'd be a gentleman and open it for whomever. Not today. I opened the door, jumped in front of the stranger and booked for the royal throne.
Sadly, it was occupied. My victory was all for naught. Both the stranger and I groaned as we took our place in the losers bracket. It was a bad start to a bad day.
Shuke, that was really funny.
Reminds me of some of the stuff I've read in the Best of Craigslist.
And I like Cinderobyn's idea, as well.
Last edited by BlueWillowPlate; 11-01-2007 at 07:41 AM..
Reason: removed link in case of disapproval by the Powers That Be
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